ADVICE RATING |
 4.85 (Highly recommend) from 32 votes (854 Visits) |
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Domestic violence More than just hitting... |
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by cookclan  (November 2006) (rank 8th) |
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I want to thank everyone who answerd my Question about my boyfriend and the way he treats me. I always get to point ware i say ok im leaving and then i tell him and he gets sad, and things are so good with us for a week or two and then he will start again. He has never been fisical with me but the words are not nice. My family does not like him because they here the way he talks to me when i am on the phone with them. It is not all the time that it happens but alot. We do get along good alot but maybe half the time. I am just scared of leaving because maybe i will never find anyone better. The good things he does is cooking, working, grocerie shopping,and because i do not have my drivers license he has to take me places when i need to. And maybe he does do a lot for me, but i dont no if i will find a man that will do all that for me and always be nice to me and my family is there such a thing.
The two questions you have written have really touched me and hit close to home for me and obviously alot of other people so here is my story.
I was 17 when I met my ex I was so in love it was unbelievable. It was intense and he made me feel so good and he accepted the fact I had a son already. I just adored him it was wonderful. he was in a bit of trouble and in and out of jail and all I wanted to do for him was give him a good wife because his childhood was soo hard and I had been very fortunate with my upbringing. he had taken me on with a child and that was the least I could do for him. The relationship started out so wonderfully until he went to jail the first time. I waited for him as He jsut needed the right woman to help him mend his ways. it was 6 months before he came home to live with me and the first night he was home he went out and left me there waiting for 2 days wondering where he was. When he came home I was angry and upset and an arguement broke out. This was the first time domestic violence became part of my life. I told him I knew he had been out with another girl and I wasn't going to put up with that sort of rubbish he raised his hand and smacked me so hard in the mouth that I fell backwards and hit the fridge. I sad nothing but just looked at him. I didnt know what to do I had never been hit like that before or seen it in my life between my parents. I got up and ran to the room crying. He followed me apoligising and telling me how sorry he was he didnt know what came over him and more fool me I believed him. This was the first of many more hidings I got with this man until one day I had had enough. I rang my mum and told her I was leaving to which she cried and cried. She was over the moon it had been very hard for them to watch this and listen to their once confident and positive daughter blame herself for these beltings. i went to a domestic violence refuge and left when he wasnt home. He was angry but I couldnt help myself I had to call him to make sure he was okay maybe he had learnt his lesson and he was going to stop this so I did it I called. He was sorry I told him I was going to court the next day for the DVO i was getting on him and he said he understood. He had changed I could jsut tell.
I walked into the court the next day and he was there crying with his support worker with him. He asked to talk to me and I agreed. We spoke about alot of things and I was still getting an order but this order would allow us to live together and still have the order on my fridge. I was now pregnant with my daughter to him. I needed to try to make it work and My son needed a father. So I got the order and I went home with him much to my mothers disgust she was angry with me but I knew he had changed I just knew it.
From the day I moved back in with him he never ever hit me again but sometimes i wish he had because the bruises black eyes and broken bones all heal. The emotional abuse that followed was worse than any punch in the face I have ever had. Some examples of that was being dragged in front of a full length mirror when 8 months pregnant and told I would never get any one look at you you are gross and fat and ugly who would want that he told me that because he had to go and get sex elsewhere because I was gross. He cheated on me and it was my fault. He made me give up all my friends as they had it in for him because they couldnt accept the fact he had changed.. I had no one but his friends and family around me. If something went wrong it was always my fault I was useless if I didnt get the clothes off the line by dark I was unreliable if tea was late. He would throw food on the floor if it wasnt what he wanted to eat. But in my eyes it was all my fault I should be a better wife. I had our daughter and things calmed for awhile. Then He cheated on me again in my bed but it was my fault he did it because i was unable to have sex due to having a baby( seeing a pattern here yet) I was soo unhappy I put on 45 kilos because all I could do was eat due to being so unhappy(yes I comfort eat) I put up with this and took all the name calling and all the blame of everything that went wrong because if i just tried harder he would treat me better. But then I fell pregnant again with another daughter he was sooo angry with me it was unbelievable. I was really sick and found getting out of bed with this pregnancy hard and all the time he would tell me that i was crap a crap wife a crap mother and all. i jsut kept getting lower and lower. One morning when I was 6 months pregnant I woke in pain alot of pain. i asked him to take me to the doctor and he did I went to the hospital for scans and things because they didnt know what was wrong. He left me there told me I was a sook and I handled it all on my own. I was told by the scan doctor that my baby was going to die she had a disease and she would not survive. i was all alone. I stayed in hospital for another 3 weeks while she was alive and then she died and I gave birth to her by c section. Jessica I called her she was beautiful but it was giving birth to death I had had a big thing in my life happen and I needed a husband more than ever now. He was so supportive it was unbelievable then the funeral came.
I cried for days her coffin was so small and it was so hard to bury my child in fact as we walked away from the grave I collapsed and he leant over to me and said to me get up you stupid B__ch everybody is looking you did this your body killed her. I was devastated. I had to get out but didnt know how to. I couldnt stay in the house any more we moved and I got a job. It was the best thing I ever did. He said men would never look at me well guess what they did and people liked me they thought i was a nice person it was great. I was having a ball until I had to go home. Well one day i went home and as we drove along the road to the shop I turned to him and said this relationship is over. I do not love you any more. His face was complete shock and he started to cry I turned to him and said I dont deserve this and I do not love a man who treats me the way you do it is over. He lost the plot after that and I moved on vowing never to have another man in my life again. He harassed me to go back he begged me but I was back to my normal confident self not this beaten down person with no self esteem he had made me.
I have condensed this as much as I can as it is very hard to fit 6 years into a couple of paragraphs. I had problems with being kncoked around by this man but the biggest scars he ever left on me was the emotional abuse There a times now when I fall back into beliving some of the things he said to me and I am 11 years down the track. My husband now is very supportive and is aware of all the things that happened to me and treats me wondefully. I do know one thing for sure but if he didn't I would nevr put up with it again I would not put myself my kids or my loved ones through it all again. You only have one shot at this life we have and I live it to its fullest I deserve to be happy I am a good wife and a good mother and no one is going to tell me different. Down with doemstic Violence in all its ugly forms.
Sorry if you feel I have raved on a bit but I think this actually helped me to put this in words. Take care every one
and i am glad you found the courage as some don't and and are hopfully having lots of fun.
Hayley xx 
ptio
