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ADVICE RATING

4.64 (Highly recommend) from 18 votes (298 Visits)

Staying together "For the Kids"

by ozhog

(November 2006) (rank 487th)

Reading through some of the questions on this site it becomes apparent that there are a lot of people (mainly women) who put up with abusive partners,"for the sake of the kids" or because "he's good to me most of the time".
To me there is no

excuse for abuse, be it Physical or Mental (and there's no bruises with mental) in any relationship. Staying together for the kids only brings up kids who think abuse is normal and OK. Staying together because he's good to me most of the time, well so's your dog or cat.
For most people there is a Mr. or Ms. Right out there. By staying in a bad relationship you lessen your chances of finding that person, over time you lose your social skills and lets face it, (in my case

anyway). Who's going to be interested in a bald, overweight, 50+ bloke with depression? Lucky for me, my new lady was

.

Just my 20c worth.

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ADVICE RATING

4.64 (Highly recommend) from 18 votes

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| January 2007 \| Raine

Staying together "For the Kids"

Straight & to the point, honest & accurate... NO-ONE deserves to live in an abusive relationship, & we mustn't forget that also includes men... Some women have a pretty sharp tongue & a good swinging arm & to often we forget that fact... Good on you for sharing

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| January 2007 \| bushie53

Staying together for the kids

You are right there is NO excuse for abuse Mentally or Physically it is just a shame that more people don't think along the same lines. Maybe by all of us talking to others via the internet we may be able to help get the word around even if we help one person that is a start in the right direction. We all know someone who either has been or still is in this situation,so come on guys think before you act whether you are male or female try to treat others as you would have unto you.

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	December 2006 \| NeeNee26

Staying together for the kids ( my imput )

I married my husband in 95 after being together 3 years before that I put up with continued abuse, from him for 8 years, I once thought that leaving would never happen as marriage is sacred in my books but I decided that my life and kids well being was more important after he started using drugs,he would insult me , I was raped, and belitteled, continually, for four of those years, I figured that enough is enough. Now we have been seperated nearly 7 years, and well it works better, than before, we have not divorced not for the want of trying but oh well. I know that I can do it but to be quite honest it works better us not being divorced, the kids are more happier and settled, he sometimes go wiered I pull him into line and plodding along again. We are still sepperated, I am christian, we talk about the kids at times, but to be honest untill I meet someone else, I wont divorce him it is easier, any how if it works for you or not the point is keep it simple, dont agrivate the situation, with agro just get over it and get on with life. My choice my life.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| November 2006 \| jlj

Been there done that

The hardest part of this whole thing is that it is really tough. It was difficult enough dealing with them when they were living with you but it is even trickier dealing with them when you have finally had the courage to make the break. The moment that I realised enough was enough was when my 12 year old son called the police from his mobile phone in his room. Something i didn't have the courage to do myself.

The stap has been taken and now begins the long arduous journey of digging myself out of the hole he had been digging me into for the last 15 years. Somedays I just can't see it ever getting any better and those are the hardest to deal with, I find myself for crying for no reason at all but being unable to stop. I have leanned heavily upon family and friends but still feel really alone through all of this.

It helps to know that I am not the only one who has been through this. But the tears come whenever I see similarities in our tales.

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	December 2006 \| nell18-3

Been there done that

Just wanted to say that I know exactly what you mean and that I am in the same place and position as you. I dread to think where I would be without leaning on my family too. As for friends well you certainly do find out who your friends are, unfortunately as this was a controlling marriage and emotional abuse ie. no visible bruises, my friends were all his too and they now refuse to believe that he is capable of what I am telling them it is easier for them to think I am a liar and after all I am on medication for deep depression and earlier this year he had almost pushed me into a complete breakdown, so obviously in "friends' minds its all in my messed up head. I am so grateful to my family to not only support me but to believe me too it helps that in the end he never hid it from them and since the separation the bullying tactics he is using to get me back are immense. However I know what it is like to know I have a supportive family yet still find myself crying and thinking I am the loneliest person in the world. Keep at it and keep strong I have been assured it will get better and what we are feeling is very natural. But if it helps then I wanted you to know you are not alone in your feelings.

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| November 2006 \| nell18-3

Agreed

Speaking for myself having just come from that same situation, it is definitely not right for the children to witness some of the things my children have seen. It is not right at all I have engraved on my brain what became the final straw for me, when with another argument brewing my 12 year old cuddled up to me looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights, I looked him and promised he would never have to see me on the floor crying again. He gave me a huge smile and said thanks Mummy, I have kept that promise to him and he still thanks me for it. The marriage is over that was the easy part, the hard part is trying to form workable relationship for the sake of the boys when they are being used as a weapon to still control me. My youngest also told me last week that he wishes he could be Doctor Who, put me in a tardis back in time so I never met his dad but still managed to have the same children! I wold say if you are in an abusive relationship. FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS,GET OUT!!!

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	5.00 (Excellent) \| November 2006 \| Considering

Agree

Too many people "tough it out" when they should "get the hell out".

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	4.50 (Excellent) \| November 2006 \| pfallerj

Agreed

My wife's parents stayed together until she graduated high school, aribitrarily. In general it's led to more resentment than necessary all the way around.

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Related keywords: abusive, bruises, depression, kids, mental, normal, physical, relationship, staying


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Staying together "For the Kids"

Related keywords: abusive, bruises, depression, kids, mental, normal, physical, relationship, staying