What You Kidding???

My son is 16 and with this age bracket comes friend girls and boys. We always leave the door open to his friends to come visit etc....... But after a few things That have happened in the last couple of months to say I am shocked would be the understatement of the year.......

Here is one of the stories.

I was in the kitchen when one of Aidans female friends ventured out of his room away from the group of their mates listening to music. She said to me hello Mum which is what a few of his close friends call me. I looked at her and said hello darl how are you with that she burst into tears. I was shocked.... Here was this normally confident 16 nearly 17 year old girl and she was crying like a baby in my kitchen. I put my arm around her and said lets go up to my room. She came with me. I asked her what was wrong and she then told me. I am 4 weeks late with my period and I dont know what to do. I asked her the obvious questions like are you sexually active and she said yes but I am very careful. So you are on the pill and use condoms then??? was my next question. Her reply just left me stunned.

No was her answer.... But  we always pull out just before she told me.............. So I wont be pregnant!!!

What? was my reply. Then I went into great details to explain to her that that is no protection for pregnancy or for any of those horrible little nastys out there. I do know this girls mother quiet well so I calmed her down and told her she needed to talk to her mother about this. She was a bit reluctant at first but I told her I would go with her so we hopped in the car and we did. When getting there and chatting with her mum her mum was shocked and just assumed that her daughter had learned all about ways to protect herself from school in sex education. So she sat down when I left and chatted with her and made a different sort of a bond with her daughter who she thought was a virgin still. As it turned out she was not pregnant  it was stress from exams at school. What I was really shocked about was that a mother of a teenager just assumed her child knew.

I thought I would compile some ideas that I use to try to make sure that my kids are comfortable enough to come to me with anything at all. They seem to be working with my eldest. He told us before he became sexually active. So that was a bonus for us. What you take from this is totally up to you there might be one thing there might be nothing but I thought I would write what I do.

• I always leave the door open to them (sometimes they will wander into my room late when the other kids are in bed and chat)
• If they ask me a question no matter how hairy it is I answer it to the best of my ability and honestly
• When my eldest started to show an interest in girls We both told him that no matter what when he was ready to go that step further he should tell us (when he did I explained to him that we needed to go to the doctors and he showed him all the horrible things that happen when things go wrong) I also told him I did not approve morally (but I was a mother at 17 so that did not go any where)
• I always if told anything by one of the kids that is shocking even if I am shocked I never show it (this leaves them think it is okay to tell me things)
• I am always available to pick them up no matter what time of the day or mostly night if they want to come home there is a reason for it usually.
• I wander into the room with the kids and ask them all about themselves when they have mates over and also make an effort to meet the parents.
• I always explain to them that when they do do something  that is wrong there is consequences from the law if not home and I let them no matter how hard it is deal with them but support them unconditionally. 

These are just a few things that work for me and probably what alot of parents do but I thought it would be a nice idea to put it out there for all to have a read. I would rather know what they are doing and who with than have them sneaking around behind my back. If i know some of what they are doing then I can be prepared for anything that might happen. I am not delusional but and there is always something that does shock me when I find out about it but. The teenagers of today even though we would like to keep them sheltered are growing up so quickly.

As Deb a friend of mine told me yesterday

"RAISING A TEENAGER IS LIKE TRYING TO NAIL JELLY TO A TREE"

Cheers

Angie