Mum....can you leave the light on.
All my children have asked this at one time or another.
Thunderstorms, Strong winds, Very heavy rain, A family member being out late, Nightmares, Scary stories/movies etc, Feeling ill are just a few of the things that increase the need for a
bit of extra light.
I have a confession to make ; when our first child was little I thought it would be best to teach her to sleep without the light on. I was so worried that she would be dependant on the light and have trouble at school camps and sleep overs; hmmmm - slightly paranoid perhaps! .....maybe even an irrational response to what I felt was irrational fear !
I don't think it did her any harm mind you, from the beginning she had the bedroom door open and her bed placed in the light from the hall.( We have always left the hall light on for the kids, and still do) She is and was a very sound sleeper and never had any trouble falling asleep.
However the next child was very different - he took longer to go to sleep and suffered from night terrors and later nightmares. His imagination works over time and he often feels scared at bedtime.
He usually has the light on for at least the first ten minutes after being tucked in. Once he is settled he is usually fine with it off (to the relief of his younger brother who shares the room and doesnt like the light on!)
Irrational?
So is it silly to want the light on? Is it a bad habit or a necessary part of caring for children?
Our sensitive imaginative middle child explains that when he is trying to get to sleep all kinds of thoughts rush in and he starts to think things might be in the room and sees things in the shadows etc. We do have a 'Bad things box' to help deal with this (see the link to this advice) which allows the child to write or draw about what is scaring or upsetting them - then 'lock it away' in the box.
However having the light on allows him to see that there is actually nothing scary there.
Shape shifting and Mind Power
When I was little I remember I had wallpaper on my bedroom walls. I dont remember clearly what it was (roses or something I think) BUT i do remember that at night in the half light from the hall - it turned into scary face-like shapes all over the room.
I can also remember how if something had been left in an unusual place in my room (so I couldnt identify it in the near darkness) it would terrify me, as my very active imagination created unlikely identification for the shadowy shape.
I thought this was just a kiddie thing, however when I was in my twenties my DH snuck into our bedroom pretending to be a neighbour whom we felt was a bit ....unusual.... (now I KNEW it was my dear husband and yet still- in the faint light my mind 'magically' provided the face of the scary neighbour to match the noises my DH was making.) I amazed him by screaming in fright and yelling at him to 'STOP IT" ! lol.
Im sure things used to move in my room at night when I was a young child; until the light was turned on to freeze them in place.... My DH, who was in the army for 6 years explained that they were taught to look slightly past an object in the dark as if you stare at something when there is inadequate light it can appear to move as your eyes struggle to focus.
I often used to cower frozen with fear under the covers! Or struggle to call out for Mum to come and turn on the light as I darent get out of bed to reach it myself!
Link to creativity?
I studied Psychology at Uni and according to the Biological basis of behaviour component, 'the ability to visualise can make daydreams seem more real and intensify imaginative responses; as well as increase artistic skills.'
Part of perception is our mind 'filling in the blanks' - we dont need to look right at something to believe we know what it is for instance.
In some situations the more imaginative the individual the more varied the range of options the mind may provide to identify a half seen object.
So there may be a link between creativity and feeling nervous as the light fades. Certainly my son shares with me a love of drawing. So 'fear of the dark' may even have a genetic link of sorts.
What to do ?
As with all things 'parenting' the well worn line "every child is different" applies here. While every other member of the family may be happy to sleep with the light off.... there may be one who is genuinely so frightened by the images and thoughts their little minds provide, that they cannot get to sleep without the light on.
These fears can be very real and intense, usually they ease with age with an increase of rational thought patterns. (Although if my husband is away I
cannot stay up late watching a spooky movie.......*grin*)
There are a variety of night lights which can be helpful. We found though that some are so soft they create more shadows and vague shapes than a darker room! So experiment to see what suits your little one and be sensitive to their feelings and needs, no-one likes to be scared.
We tried providing a torch or battery operated light but these just got left on ....however there are torches around that work by winding a handle or shaking and these might be a good option.
There is always a light on in the hall in our house, but a strong night light there may work well for you. There are also motion activated lights that can help if your child has to go to the toilet during the night.
Quite often I leave the light on for 10 or 15 minutes when the boys first got to bed ; although its tricky as the younger boy prefers the light off. They are allowed to read in bed and sometimes they fall asleep with a book anyway!
Ensure any bedtime reading is not of the scary variety and an adult or older sibling reading a nice short story to them before sleep time is very comforting and relaxing.
Also develop a regular caring bedtime routine to settle and relax the child before bedtime - (we have storytime while we enjoy a warm drink of Milo.)
Ive written a couple of other articles related to this - Happy place and Fly away to sleep kids.
The fear is real!
Whether its genetic, linked to artistic ability, in response to the environment or recent events..... the fear that builds in children - regularly or occasionally- when it grows dark is very real.
Please be sympathetic and gentle and find ways to deal with this in a positive constructive way!.
Good luck!
(December 2006) (
