And then there were two!

Falling pregnant with number one was unplanned.  Not unexpected, just unplanned.  Well, we all know how these things happen.  Anyway, imagine it, I know I'm late and I mention just in passing to my husband..."Hey, just want to let you know I'm late."  He replied with a

surprisingly calm..."ok".  I left it for a week, praying hoping wishing.  Nothing.  So, off I went to get the trusty Clear Blue.  Bugger....pregnant.  I left it for another day.  I contimplated rather silly things like jumping off the washing machine to help things along.  Well, of course I couldn't.  I finally told him in a fit of uncontrolable sobbing.  I looked up to see him through my tear filled eyes.  He had a slight grin, and trying oh so hard to be concerned for my feelings.  I stopped my crying and asked him.."Are you happy about this?"  He replied hesitantly "Well, yes, but it's up to you what you want to do"  He knew termination was out of the question, so I sought some professional advice to help get my head around things.  After a couple of months I was a happy glowing pregnant woman.  And Luke was born in March after putting me through some rather difficult moments.  And he was gorgeous.  And the first 6 weeks were herendous.  He wouldn't do what I wanted him to do.  Then I realised my place.  I had to let him do what he wanted to do, and we some how managed to click into eachother's schedule.  And to my husband's surprise I requested a 2nd with the prospect of a 3rd.  To my surprise, he said no and that he would never want to put me through that ever again.  But I win......and in July 2004 Alyssa was born.  Same ordeal as the first, not easier for me like I was promised, but she was ugly.  Her skin had newborn rash and she was just ugly.  Nobody else saw it, they just said she was gorgeous.  And when she finally grew into her wrinkly skin, I saw it.  She was really gorgeous.  For the record.....there will be no number three.  I have a boy and a girl and I just don't want to do that all over again.  And still, I find myself thinking about my steadfast decision on not to have children and think....and now I have two. 

Kids teach us to reinvent ourselves.  They teach us to be like kids again, confident, curious.  They teach us to remember to look at the world around us, and really look.  They teach us to learn our imagination again...for fun.  I mean how much fun is it pretending to be spiderman or a fairy in a fairy garden.  They teach us the wiggles songs and playschool games.  They are fascinating and remarkable little people and although our job is to guide them in the right direction, we also need to enhance their creativity and abilities. We need to remember what it was like to be a child among adults who were too old, too bitter or too embarrassed to sit and talk and play with us.

Yep I love my kids and the silly games they play.  It doesn't always make sense to us, but as long as we are trying, they'll put up with us.