A few weeks back, a girlfriend and I were talking about her parents incessant interfering with her parenting of her children.  Today she has called to say the different methods we spoke about helped.  So here I am to share.

problem

• The all famous, overdosing kids
  on treats and sugary drinks

solution

• "hey, mum/dad, I was wondering if you could help me out.  We are trying this new method of getting "Bobby" to sleep and all it involves is that he has no sugary foods or drink after lunch.  Do you think you can help me with this when you have him on Thursday?"

problem

• grandparent would offer advice and get upset if it wasn't accepted   (sometimes it's hard to say to someone that you don't agree with their advice, especially parents or inlaws because it wokred for them.  it's hard for us not to get our backs up when we feel our parenting ability is being judged and put down)

solution

• "okay.  I haven't tried that.  I'll certainly keep that in mind.  thank you."

                                                  or

• "  thank you. actually, mum/dad, I have tried that and for some reason my clever son "Bobby" saw right through that and it didn't seem to work, but I will certainly give it another try.  thank you"

problem

• grandparents were allowing the kids to run around all over the place.....on furniture.....everywhere

solution

• "mum/dad I know it's ok with you that the kids run all over the place when they visit, and they really do seem to have so much fun.  When they do it, please explain to them that they can only play like that at your home.  I worry that they are going to hurt themselves, slip on the tiles, damage the couch (which puts us out). 

Funnily enough, the last solution made the grandparents stop the kids completely from running around.  I guess they also didn't like the idea of the kids hurting themselves of damaging their furninture.  Then her mother rang her  a couple of nights ago to say how proud she was of her parenting skills and commended her on the calm way in which she takes advice and asks for help with raising her children.

So I think the key is, accept advice graciously you don't necessarily need to use it.  Generally the parents do want to help.  And if you feel that you are being put down, take a breath and say "I am trying my best and with your continued support it can only get easier"