Raising teens in the cookclan household...Just some tips we picked up...(edited)

We all know the scenario...... or most of us any way. Most people were raised differently and have different ideas on raising kids. I raise mine Like my mum and my husband likes to do things the way he was raised. In our case I believe that our teenage girls

are expressing themselves by wearing the clothes they wear(no I dont let them wear anything too out there) But Ken belives they should be in frilly dresses and have sleeves on all their shirts. They are 12 and 13 hehe. I remember back to my teenage years in the 80s ballon skirts ra ra skirts mid drift tops and those ugly little happy shoes hehe. I was expressing my self. Another thing Ken and I do not agree on is I believe all kids have the right to voice their opinion on something if they feel they were dealt with unfairly or that I am not right in the punishment handed down or in anything really as long as it is not in a cheeky way. Ken was raised where he would never argue with his mother what she said was law and he did as he was told. There is NO WRONG or RIGHT in the way to raise kids. Geez I don't know how many time I have said I wish this kid came with a hand book. So where do you go from here??  Well we actually saw a counsellor and took on a fair bit of  what she told us and guess what it is working...... So I thought I would share a few tips she shared with us with you. Just remember what you take from this is your choice I am just telling you what works in our house.

• Okay to start with this was a big one in our house so I put it first. When the kids now ask to do something I tell them  dad/uncle kenny and I will discuss it and I will get back to you on that even if I know the answer I always tell them this now. Then they are aware that Ken and I make decisions together we have a united front.
• Next one it is obvious but just thought I would throw it in. If Ken has a talk to one of the kids about something that I feel is not right I NEVER undermine him not in front of the kids. Any kid will see a crack in your united front then. If i have a problem with something that was said or done then I discuss it with him alone later that night or if its important I say excuse me then talk to him on the side about it and he goes back for another try. He also does this to me too.
• Pick you Battles with you kids especially teenagers.  If they left their shoes in the wrong place tell them to put them away next time as you are putting them in the cupboard. Teenagers are hard enough without fighting with them over every little thing. Don't sweat the small stuff.
• Big one here DONT DEBATE as most parents know you can fight for hours going back and forth with a child. I let mine state their point it is a short discussion then I say I am the mum these are my reasons okay and walk off. The more you debate the angrier you will get.
• Do Not show emotions what I mean by this is you are having a discussion with you child and you are getting frustrated or upset do not cry. I am guilty of it I have argued so much with Aidan and gotten so angry and frustrated I started to cry in front of him. Alot of kids can see this as a weakness on your part. If you have to cry then finish the converstion and walk away do it out of eye and ear shot.
• This is a really important one to us and it works wonders here with all the kids WIN WIN. When you want the kids to do their chores you give them a choice. You can do this or this please it doesnt matter how many choices you give them but you are not giving them and option of No or the dreaded ohhhh why. I dont know why it works but It is here. I am amazed really.
• Respect is another helpful one and is closly linked to letting them have their opinion. Everybody likes to be treated with respect. Treat the kids the way you want them to treat you. respect their right to have their opinion. You can tell them that you don't agree and why but respect their right to have theirs too.
• Ignore I know that sounds weird but If all else fails and you child is going off in their room or the back yard talking under their breath etc...... just ignore it as long as it is not too bad. My teenagers will go in their room to clean it and not be too happy about doing it and up will go the music and you will hear them wandering down the hall mummbling under their breath well we ignore it now and they cool down in their own time and I still get the room cleaned by them.  

These are just a few things that are working in our home right now and I thought maybe some one could take one, two or even the whole lot and try them. If you don't do any of them and you are struggling like we were give them a try you just never know.  Good Luck

Cheers

Angie