ADVICE RATING |
 4.60 (Highly recommend) from 21 votes (1456 Visits) |
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6 Things Every New Mother Needs: A Visitor's Guide |
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by jenlemen  (December 2006) (rank 20th) |
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A recent visit with a new mother reminded me how essential it is that you have the right kind of company in the early days of being a mom. Here's a short list of things to keep in mind--for visitors and new moms alike:
- Quiet.
Birth is such a major life event--for mother especially. Most women I meet in my doula practice need time to make sense of what just happened in the process of bringing this new life into the world. Birth alters a woman's body, mind and sense of self. That's why most women really benefit from a calm, peaceful environment where they can slowly acclimate to the new reality. If you're the new mother, consider limiting your visitors and giving yourself lots of space to be still and recover. If you're the friend or family member, keep your visits short, quiet and upbeat.
- Rest. This one should be obvious, but I'm always amazed at how excitement over the baby gives everyone amnesia about the mother's major need for rest. There's such a learning curve with early mothering as you learn the rhythms of baby. New mothers require all the help they can get to recover their strength from birth and get on their feet again. If you are the new mom/mum, no one will mind if you put a "new mother sleeping" sign on your front door while you catnap. If you're a visitor, offer to hold the baby so mom can take a shower, rest her eyes or take a snappy nappy.
- Water. New mothers need to drink, drink, drink to refuel and recover fluids lost during birth. Being hydrated makes you feel better and helps milk production as well. If you're the new mom, set up a large water bottle by your nursing station; if you are a guest, bring a nice drink basket full of waters, rehydration drinks and fruit with a high water content. Bendy sippy straws are a nice plus. If you're the visitor, offer to get ice chips, refill a glass or pour a new one for the new mother.
- A good laugh. Many new mothers feel overwhelmed by the needs of tiny babies who cry, fuss or sleep in patterns that don't make sense yet. It's hard enough to make the adjustment to mothering--and then everyone and their sister wants to stop by and tell you one more thing you should be doing right now before it's too late. New moms might want to wave off the advice train by asking visitors to bring a bit of good cheer instead--no tips included. Funny stories, bits of news or commentary on the beauty of the babe are just what mom needs right now to keep her spirits bright. Recovering moms might also appreciate news of mutual friends or the latest scoop on the romance in your circle of friends. Visitors, keep in mind that mom will pick and choose who she wants to solicit for advice.
- Encouraging words. There's nothing like a screaming newborn to put you in tears yourself. Many new moms secretly wonder if they have what it takes to keep this little life going, and before you know it, moments of despair are knocking on your door. You can help the new mother by giving voice to every positive thought in your heart. No mother tires of hearing that a baby is calmed by her presence or that all her hard work is exactly what the baby needs to thrive. I used to find excuses to take the baby to visit my husband's office, so I could pass the desk of Miss Ruby, an older Jamaican woman who always knew how to make me feel great. Without fail, every visit, she'd say, "What a fine job you're doing!" It was exactly what I needed to hear on those low days when I wondered if things were ever going to come together. Handwritten messages, cards, postcards and email all count in the encouraging words department.
- Baby Worship. When all else fails, worship the baby. Babies need to be welcomed with all the love and admiration we have in our hearts. By taking turns watching "baby tv", you can remind the mother that she is not alone in her sense of devotion to this new life. New mothers need to know that their children are going to be part of a wider community where lots of family and friends will help share the joys and burdens of seeing this new life grow. Visitors can do their part by reminding moms that they can't wait to be a part of the growing up process.
What kinds of visits/visitors helped you when you had your baby? Let's make a nice list for our MintiMoms who are about to deliver.
