If your child is emotionally sensitive, life can be a series of highs and lows. One minute your child is precocious, surprisingly grown up, and good company. A moment later they are stunned by their own emotions as a temper tantrum or crying fit overwhelms them. It’s like living

Name It and Claim It: Eden doesn’t have a problem. No way Jose, she’s got a full fledged Superpower: Emotion Girl! She can tell what other people are feeling and has super spidey-senses when it comes to her own emotions. The only trick? Learning how to manage the Superpower. (Thanks to Jen Lemen for the Superpower lingo!)   Over the last few (difficult!) weeks, we’ve been talking to Eden about how she can learn to harness her emotional punch. We point out when her Superpower is rising to the surface, and discuss things she can do to calm down, communicate, or redirect her emotional energy. I knew this metaphor was working for her when I overheard this interchange between Eden and my husband, Paul:  

 “Dad? You know how I overwhelm babies and puppies and stuff by smothering them with too much love? Do you think that has to do with my Superpower?”  

 “Well, Eden, part of your Superpower is how strong your love languages are – and you always say that all your love languages are ‘touch, touch, touch, touch, and touch.’ You are probably just telling the babies and the puppies how much you love them, but they can’t handle that much Love Power, so you’ve just got to learn to reign it in a little bit to protect them.”  

“You mean like how Cyclops in the Xmen has to wear those glasses or his laser eyes fire up everything?”  

“Exactly.”  

“Oh. I can do that. I’ve just got to learn how to turn down my Love Power – so it’s still a part of me but it’s not too big for the baby and puppy!”      

Create a Cool Down Station Eden is an HSC who is both highly extroverted and what we call “a psychic sponge.” She needs to be around people to get energy and feel connected, but all that face time can really fry her circuits from so much emotional exchange. We tried sending her to her room to read or play quietly, but the isolation always felt like a punishment to her. So we came up with the idea of giving her a cocoon- like space that was still somewhat connected to the action. Thankfully, we have a window seat at the top of the stairs which worked perfectly. A shelf for her books, a basket for her journals, and a curtain rigged up from a second-hand satin bedspread gives her space to chill, while still allowing her to hear what’s going on in the living room. She’s named this space her “Domain” and goes there several times a week to mellow down or even to do homework. We’ve also set up a domain for our other daughter Catie, by hanging a mosquito net in a corner of the kitchen (the kind on a ring that people use to romantic-up their beds.) She likes this tent because it has a dreamy feel while still being in the heart of the action.  

Recruit Help: For whatever reason, age 8 has been a year of Big Emotions for Eden. I was an HSC too, and can remember feeling like my parents just didn’t know what to do with me. Everyone has moments in parenthood when they throw up their hands and say, “Mommy needs a time out.” But when Eden started complaining daily of stomach aches we all found ourselves out of resources we decided to rally the troops: a children’s psychologist, a massage therapist, an involved teacher, and a particularly attentive playground supervisor.  

Thankfully our insurance covers some counseling sessions each year, so we asked our General Practitioner (family doctor) for a recommendation and started seeing a child psychologist. Just knowing Dr. C was going to be in her corner helped Eden feel more at ease, and within four sessions, her daily stomach aches had all but disappeared.  

We also found a massage therapist that would see Eden for 15 minute sessions (we pay for an hour session and spread it out over 4 weeks.) She does a lot of calming touch with Eden, especially around her scalp.  

 I met with Eden’s teacher, who was surprised she as having any problems at home, as she masks her emotionality at school. Since friendship trouble has weighed heavy on Eden’s mind lately, the teacher started reading a lot of age appropriate books on making friends and dealing with bullies. She also watches to see when Eden seems burned out and lets her stay and read some recesses, as needed.  

 A surprise Team Eden member came in the form of Mr. J, who supervises the lunchroom and playground. Among all her teachers, Mr. J is the only on who noticed our usually bubbly Eden was going through a rough patch. He makes it a point to check in on her every day and talks with her a lot about stomach aches and sorting through emotions.  

Finally, we got all our family friends to sing the praises of getting help. Yesterday on the way out the door to make our therapy appointment a friend who was visiting said, “Therapy! You get to go to therapy? No way! My family LOVES therapy! We used to go all the time when Janie was little!” One of Eden’s school friends also sees a therapist, so the four parents always talk about how great therapy is in front of both of them; and our housemates sing the praises of getting help to keep yourself healthy. Hearing her ‘cool’ friends talk about needing team support helps Eden feel normal.  

Set Up a Routine without Setting Yourself in Stone HSC’s love routines and rituals. In college, before I realized I was H.S., I was substitute teaching at a preschool where I learned how much three year olds adore routine and need help with transitions. As I thought about how hard it was on me emotionally at the start of each new semester, I thought, “Ohmigod! I’m still a three year old!” Now I know that this is just one trait of having HS Superpowers!   

We try to give Eden lots of routine cues to help her feel in control of her day. We have a specific morning routine we follow every day. Morning Cuddle. Breakfast. Get Dressed. Brush Teeth/Hair. Pack backpack. Change one thing – like asking her to get dressed before she eats breakfast-- and her stress level quickly ramps up. In fact, when Eden was two I had to cut pictures out of magazines illustrating all the things we did in a day – eat, play, grocery shop, walk to the park, etc. I’d put them up at her eye level on the fridge – just the next three things at a time. If she didn’t know what we were doing next she’d freak out and pointing to each picture and saying what we were going to do next helped.  

There are times though, when schedules just have to change – like when winter break is upon us. We try to cushion this for Eden by keeping the same schedule, but starting it later in the morning so they can sleep in. (Okay, you caught us, and by adding a half hour of cartoons to the morning.) I write out any changes on a piece of paper and talk them through with her.  When our daily activities are going to change a lot – like during Christmas week – we talk about what we are going to do tomorrow at the dinner table the night before, and go over it again at the breakfast table in the morning.

We ease longer schedule changes, like Summer vacation, by setting up ‘anchor days’ where things are always the same: Wednesdays are always grocery store days, or Thursdays are always a playdate, etc. Finally, we evoke the old adage “sometimes you have to be flexible.” This is our verbal cue that lets Eden know this is just one of those times when she has to at least try to go with the flow.   So, those are three things in my toolbox. What’s in yours?