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Why are some people so against the baby sleeping with mom and dad? If neither of them mind it, then what's the problem?
I am an advocate of co-sleeping. For me, it wasn't just a choice it was a necessity in order to keep my sanity. My son Matthew,
who is now 14 months has been sleeping with my husband and I since he was 5 months old. The only reason why I didn't start co-sleeping from day one is because 1) I was afraid that such a newborn sleeping in the family bed is dangerous (inreases risk of SIDS), 2) because mothers around me has said not to, 3) I didn't find out about Dr. Sears and his views on co-sleeping until my son was about 5 months old.
Matthew slept in the bassinet which was beside our bed until he got to big for it at 4 months. Then I placed him in his crib in his bedroom for a month. That month was tough on me since I got very little sleep. Matthew nursed every 2-3 hours and the time but at around 2 am he wakes up every hour. I knew he wasn't hungry then so I gave him his pacifier. But as he fell asleep he drops it and would cry again. So I got up and retreived his pacifier for him. It was hellish. But at 5 months old he got his first cold. Since he was having a hard time breathing, I took him to our bed. After that, I found the benefit. Matthew slept better and stopped waking up every hour after 2am so I in turn got more sleep.
But my husband and I found that during conversations with friends, when the topic of co-sleeping came up we were met up with "you better stop that now or you'll never get him out of your bed!". We got this kind of thing frequently that we just stopped talking about it. A mother even said that she brought her son to her bed when he was an infant and he's still there now at 6 years old. If the 6 year old child still sleeps with the parents, I think that's a parenting issue not the child's issue.
Both my husband and I don't mind co-sleeping one bit. In fact, we love it. We love being able to snuggle up with Matthew in the middle of the night. It really hasn't affected romance either. There are other places other than the bed to get intimate. There is the floor for one thing, as well as the other bedrooms.
I also found later that co-sleeping, according to Dr. Sears, may actually decrease the risk of SIDS. He mentioned that mom and baby breathes in syncrhony when co-sleeping. So during the night when baby holds his breath, mom's breathing serves to get him to normalize his breathing again. Also, as I have mentioned above both Matthew and I slept better as a result. Co-sleeping also promotes breastfeeding. It was much easier and less disruptive to nurse.
This said, I will have to face the challenges of getting Matthew to sleep in his own room. He may throw a tantrum and hissyfits but it'll just be one more parenting challenge. My husband and I are planning on trying for a second baby when Matthew is about 2 years old. The minute I find out I'm pregnant will be the time when Matthew would have to transition to his own room. In this way, we have 9 months to face whatever challenges we may encounter.
So if you hear of families that are co-sleeping, don't put them 'down'. They are only practicing instinctive, passionate parenting. Did you think cavemoms put their infants beyond the next rock to sleep on their own?
(May 2006) (
