In this day and age, it is not uncommon to find single mum's that became single prior to the birth of their child.  It is also not uncommon for the father to want to be involved in the child's life after the birth.  Do you allow this or do

Please think carefully before using the new power over the father of your child by withholding your child from his or her father.  It is important for your child that you put all emotion and bad feelings out of the equation when making this decision.  What you need to consider, as a mother, is what is best for your child.

I know that this is not always easy.  I had to make this decision many years ago and I can tell you it was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make.

I was 9 weeks pregnant when I found that I was alone.  I had no contact with the father of my child right through the rest of my pregnancy so you can imagine I had a lot of time to think of all the ways I could get revenge!!!!!

Then my son was born and his father wanted to come back into his life.  Well I felt good knowing I had to the power to extract the revenge that I had been wishing for so many months.  Luckily I thought very seriously about what my son needed and I agreed to let his father be part of his life but also let his father know that I would only allow what was best for our son in this agreement.

Well, it was a real learning curve and I won't tell you it was easy.  We had a lot of hick-ups on the way and a lot of growing up to do - especially Dad.  My son's father was great at the start and would ring and arrange a time to see our son.  Dad was really interested in being involved in the beginning but then six months down the track he disappeared again. 

He reappeared when my son was 2 years old and again I had this decision to make.  Do I let him be involved in his son's life or not?  Once more I decided it would be best for my son to have his father in his life. 

The next few years were hard, as his father would contact our son with months (sometimes a year) between calls.  If he arranged a visit then he would turn up hours late.  By then my son was old enough not to understand and get very angry and upset.  All I could do was be there to bit up the pieces for my son and at times it really broke my heart.

But I hung in there and my son's father eventually grew up some.  I am now very glad that we did hang in their as my son and his father have a reasonably good relationship.  There are still months between phone calls at times but at least every two years my son goes to his father for a few days.  It is easier now as my son too has grown up some and he accepts that Dad is just Dad and leaves it at that.

I guess the moral of the story is, that no matter what the circumstances are, you need to do the best thing for your child.  Whether that be to allow access by your child's father - as I realise that sometimes the circumstances will demand that it is not the best idea to allow access.   This decision is not always going to be an easy one and all you can do is be there for your child and let your child learn the lessons he or she needs to learn.  It is often very hard not to wrap your child in cotton wool which as a mother you may want to do.  You can only be honest with your child as best as is appropriate for their age (not honest as in run the other parent down) and be there for them through this valuable lesson.