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ADVICE RATING |
 4.72 (Highly recommend) from 41 votes (1304 Visits) |
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Housekeeping Partners' Relationship |
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by nomes  (May 2006) (rank 223rd) |
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We have an abundance of information here helping us with ideas to keep us sane during the masterful feat of parenthood. I myself have found it invaluable for the short time I have been a member. One thing I feel needs to be brought to light, is the topic of  both parents maintaining their own relationship. I once heard that a marriage/partnership never stands still….it always moves; it can move forwards or it can move backwards. When we endeavour on the journey of a ‘serious’ relationship; whether it be in marriage or defacto agreement, neither of us intend to make the other unhappy. Neither of us intend for the relationship to fail. It just happens. But we inadvertently make it happen; by doing nothing. Gone are the days where most people are simply bound by the vows and responsibilities of a partnership. If a couple is unhappy and tries to work things out, it is common sense to end it. It is far more dangerous for the children to live in a family where the mum and dad are experiencing a toxic relationship. But, why let it get to that? I think a lot of the problem begins when our endorphins become immune. We become complacent and neglect to do things to really show the other half they are appreciated and loved. We can say “I love you honey” everyday, several times a day, but the trick is to show it. The word love has such a broad definition. We say “I love chocolate ice-cream” and then turn around to our partner and say “And I love you” It’s not quite the same love, so we need to differentiate. There are different ways that people feel loved. It is up to each person to be in tune and take notice to what the other appreciates.
Gifts - People feel loved when the other person shows they are thinking of them by simply giving a present. It could be a bunch of flowers, a box of chocolates, or a handmade card. It shouldn’t be expensive, it’s the thought that counts, but get that thought out of your head and let them know. Simple stuff.
Tasks – Do something for you partner. Somebody may feel loved when the other helps out around the house. Somebody may feel loved when the other cooks a meal. And the more difficult the task undertaken is for that person, the more loved the other would feel. We live in a society where, on the most part, men still believe that it is not their job to vacuum or put on a load of washing. (I do stress, not all men are still of this belief) For the man to do this task even once a week may make the woman feel loved.
Affirmation – tell your partner you appreciate them collecting the dishes and putting them in the sink after a meal. Tell them you appreciate them mowing the lawn or taking out the rubbish. Women need to remember that just because they keep the house, cook the meals, do the laundry and pay the bills, does not necessarily make the man feel loved.
Touch – holding hands, rub on the back, impromptu cuddling. And of course, sex can make one feel loved. Not to say that one has to be at the beck and call of the other just to make him/her feel loved, but some people out there can be pretty cold and punishing. Some men struggle with the romantic side of things. Flowers, candles say more than some corny words.
Time - Real time. 15 minutes each, listening, with undivided attention. No television. What did you do today? What would you like to talk about? What would you like to do this weekend? It shouldn’t be that hard to give the person you love 15 minutes a day of your undivided LIFE. You’ll never get it back, but they will give you 15 minutes of their life. Sometimes our work schedules are hectic and it’s difficult to date around that and children. I’m sure we could find 30 minutes a day to sit and talk with our partners.
We incorporate a lot of these attention giving and affirming techniques on our children, so why not on each other?
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| ADVICE RATING |
4.72 (Highly recommend) from 41 votes |
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Housekeeping Partners' Relationship
Great advice, My partner and I have been together 14 yrs he is still the most romantic guy I know, I still get flowers, love notes, massages, sex!! and pure love. And I do the same for him, having kids brought us even closer together and we always show each other lots of affection and respect. Every day we sit and talk to each other like best freinds, when we can we go out just the two of us. If he knows Im pooped he will let me sleep in and make sure the dishes are done, the house is cleaned and the kids are ready for the day, and since he works long hours most weeks I do the same for him, I mow the lawns, and anything else he usually does. We should always continue to remember why we fell inlove in the first place and not let life and circumstances over cloud that.
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partenr time
My husband apart from being very needy of attention and affection, is also a 'huggy bear' <-- his name, not mine!
we always do sweet things for each other, and talk on the phone for atleast an hour every day about what is happening in our days, lots of loooooooooong cuddles and he always writes me a poem, or draws a picture, sometimes he just ringe me to play a song, doesnt say anything, just plays the song, says i love yuo (okay he says osmething then) and then hgns up. we also go out regualrly, just out to dinner, for a drive to a look out, to amovie, or we just take liam to my auntie- our volunteer babysitter , just to have some couple time, not parent time.
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Things for you marriage..
I agree, those thing's are VERY important. My husband is away alot(for his job) and we rarely see each other. Whenever he is home though, I do thing's for him because of where he's on the road working for 2-3 weeks straight. He spend's time with Cadence(our daughter) and I make him food, his laundry and whatever else he want's done. I don't feel bad for doing this. But also, even though he's tired, he does do laundry himself(makes me feel better lol, because i'm doing it all week) and he cooks too(great cooker lol)
We cuddle, talk, pretty much everything, and it's great.
I like how you wrote this, it was a excellent article. We need to be reminded everyday of those things and I think it's great. Thanks!
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Guilty...
of not always listening when other things are going on and I am watching the kids and having a conversation with my other half. And spending FAR too much time online! Some years back, my boyfriend moaned that I was always upstairs on the computer. I bought a laptop, so now I'm always downstairs on the computer! I am rubbish at sitting down and relaxing and am always looking something up, or checking on something, or writing to someone... So, yesterday afternoon, we loaded both children in the pram and went for a twenty minute stroll around the local streets. Both kids had toys to play with and we both just chatted to each other - about the day, plans for the house, plans for holidays etc. It was lovely. We weren't going anywhere, so we didn't have to rush. The children were happy to get out of the house and go for a walk, and the computer wasn't humming away in the background. Next weekend, we are going to a free drive-in film in a city nearby, so although not that conducive to a cuddle (the handbrake always gets in the way, don't you find?) at least it is time away from home and doing something different. I will try and turn the computer off more. Honest. Thanks for the reminder.
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Re: Time out for parents
I'm glad you like the article, Rachel, and that you have already started to utilise some of the ideas. I found spare time by switching off the television. My husband likes burbon. He doesn't get it often, so I got him that last week. Try different things. You know your partner best. People I know, leave post it notes for eachother in different places. Underwear drawer, makeup bag. I see this is something your partner likes. A favourite meal. Remembering how to date eachother again can be hard too. You don't need to know the social scene. A drive somewhere to watch the sunset/sunrise. My husband and I hire a dvd, blow up the airmatress and camp in the lounge with chips and dips etc. Go shopping, go for coffee, rollerskating.
If at the end of the day, you really don't know what to do, try things. You'll get different responses. It's like with our kids. They can't tell us at the beginning what makes them laugh, but we try our hardest to find out what makes them happy. Peekaboo games, tickling, disappearing acts etc. Try everything, but the difference is, you won't scare them and make them cry. 
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Lexi xxx
