Hard work vs you're smart, praising your child

I just read a very interesting article from "Psychology Today" today, that funny enough had an impact on me so suddenly. It caused me to think about exactly 'what' I 'say' to my two and half year old son. Usually, I say to my son, "Well done clever boy", although I know of course I am not damaging his spirit, but I have realized lately he won't do something (like drink from a cup) unless he can do it perfectly. He won't draw because he can't draw like mommy (mummy). I know this is a development stage, however, I know he can do a lot of things, yet he decides not too, because it's not perfect and the response isn't always "Clever boy".

However, when I say to him, "wow, you tried hard" or "you an do it, keeping trying, you are working hard to concentrate well done", he tries and tries and tries over and over again with such determination.

The results from this study showed that students that were praised based on their "efforts" rather than their "innate" abilities, were more likely empowered to succeed, than those children that were told that they were naturally smart or clever. These students who had been told they were smart or clever, found coping with failure difficult and began to "measure" themselves against the results concluding to themselves that, that is all they were worth - the score in their test results. (hmm that's sounds familiar to me in my life as a student)

Ways to praise that brought out the best and caused the child to try hard was highlighted in the article...

• Put in a lot of effort into that
• You were hardworking, well done
• You have the will power to do it
• You have the determination

Also, a friend of mine highly skilled in this area, also mentioned to say the specifics, as to why you think they worked hard to achieve the desired result.

For example: "Well done Codi, you tried really hard to hold the cup to your mouth and not let any water out", "You really concentrated hard to thread that string through the hole, well done"

What really hit home was,

Psychology Today..."Children praised for their natural abilities were not so resilient. Their motivation and performance suffered after their "failure," and they tended to inflate their scores when reporting them to others. Ultimately, they began to measure their worth by their test results, believes Dweck.

"The kind of praise that all of society thinks is wonderful is the kind of praise that makes kids very vulnerable," she says. "Parents need to focus on what children put into a task, rather than making implications about the worth of the child." (source)

I am going to sharpen my praising skills and see how my little man responds. I believe it pays to pay attention to your praising and in my experience I have learned to "make it really meaningful" so that I am not just "praising lazily"...with no attention to the outcome or result and if I did in fact make a positive impact on the life of my child....and you know I have inspired myself to do this to my husband too.

How are you going with how you praise your child?