Say Thank You: Tips on Expressing Gratitude for Parents and Children

when you realise that someone has really helped you out in the past or provided you with a life changing experience how do you thank the without sounding corny, or that someone has told you to thank them. i caught up with an old flatmate today and now that Ive got home Ive realised how much this wonderful person helped me and how i should have thanked them at least 4 years ago

I think you are well on your way!  The most important part of expressing gratitude is getting your heart and mind in that place where you are completely aware of how that person or event impacted your life.  Gratitude is a frame of mind that we can access at any time--we just need the quiet time to reflect on all the ways we are connected positively to the people around us.  Once you are tuned in to the gift you've been given, here are some things to consider when expressing your thanks:

• Skip the fluff.  You could flatter the person or go on and on about how special you think they are, but that won't effect them as much as your honest and transparent sharing about exactly what they did that made a difference.    We all struggle to believe that we are fundamentally worthwhile people who can ease someone else's suffering, so when someone says "You're a good person"  as a substitute for "thank you", we feel internally obligated to recite all the secret reasons why that may or may not be true.  You can help your friend understand the real impact of her presence by sticking to the facts instead.  Say, "When you did this, that really made a difference for me."  I promise you'll have their full attention for the reasons why to follow.
  
• Identify the need.  When that person said that thing, gave you that present or shared that life experience with you, what part of your soul was touched?  Were you needing companionship, patience, company, love, kindness, laughter or someone to listen?  By identifying and naming the emotional (and/or practical) need met, you can help the giver begin to feel the full impact of their kindness in your life.  Don't hesitate to reveal exactly what scratch needed itching and how that person's presence and/or actions made a difference.  You can say, "I realize now that at that time in my life, I was really needing someone in my life who was encouraging and positive.  The way you listened to me gave me confidence that is still with me today."
  
• Express how receiving something you needed makes you feel right now.  Too many times we hide the real impact of someone's contribution because we are worried we're going to sound silly or too serious.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  When we dare to let people know how our lives are changed by their presence, we open the door to greater connection.  Not only that, we give people valuable data about what they are doing that's making the world a better place.  These kinds of conversations change us, so don't be shy, say how happy, relieved,  encouraged, thankful, hopeful or glad you are now that this particular person offered you this particular kindness in your friendship.  In this case, you could say, "I'm really wishing I had said this sooner, but I need you to know that the memories I have of you are so positive, and I feel so happy for all the ways you helped me see my life in a new light."

Most of the time we don't get this specific when we're expressing our thanks.  It takes time to think about what we want to say, but thankfully as parents, we have all the time in the world to focus on this important topic.  Begin by practicing with your kids.  Tell them what you were needing, and how they helped meet that need.  Let them see whatever feelings come up as you consider their kindness, cooperation or helping hands.  Say thank you to them, again and again.  By expressing genuine needs, emotions and thanks, we knit together a new way of being in the world and help our kids (and friends/family) know that simple kindness does make a difference.

I hope this adds a little insight to your question, and inspires you to say what's already so perfectly formed in your heart right this second.