Explaining death in simple terms to young children

This is my partners story.

My partners ex boyfriend's grandmother died years ago (I think her boys where 3 and 5).  She told their father that she didn't think it was a good idea for them to go). But their father said it was their great grandmother so they

should be allowed to go, so the boys went. The boys sat next to their mother (as her and the kids father had split). She told me that the boys asked her where the coffin went (as she got cremated). She explained it the best and simple way possible so the children could understand.

Then in 2004 my partner's sister died from cancer, ( know one knew that she had cancer, she was only 23). When she was in hospital ( as she became sick suddenly in September 2004 and died October 2004). She was told by her sister's doctor to come and see her before they took the tube out of her head (as she had fluid on the brain and also tumor's), as she might not live. He also told her that she hasn't change, she looks like herself, he then asked her if she'd be bring the children. At the time we didn't know if we were going to or how the boys would handle see their aunty so sick. The night be for we were going to Canberra, we sat the boys down and told then about their aunty. We told them that she is very sick as she had cancer and that one day she'll die. After alot of explaining what cancer was, we asked the boys if they'd like to see their aunty. They both said they would like to see her. So we took them, even though my partner wasn't so sure. My partner would of had liked to see her sister before making a decision like that but it was their aunty.

The boys went in first, (they went in with their nan). They didn't seem to distressed. My partner and I went and saw her. When we left the room, my partner said that's not her sister as she was white as a ghost, had lost a lot of weight and covered in bruises ( but we knew it was because of the cancer). But it just wasn't like her sister.  On our way back, the children kept asking why? why? why? especially the youngest one. And we just explained it easy and simple so that they'd understand.

When she eventually passed, we travelled to Albury for the funeral. My partner was told by her biological mother that she wasn't allowed to sit near the family or travel in the funeral car, (due to my partner's mother disowning her when we moved).  As her boys were living with their father at the time, we thought he'd let them attend (as it being their aunty, and he let them go to their great grandmother's) But the boys didn't attend, whether they wanted to or not we were never told.

After the funeral my partner said that she didn't feel like apart of the family she felt more like a friend as she was excluded from everything.

The children did in the end stop asking why their aunty passed.

We all have to explain death to young children in easy and simple terms so they understand and not in adult terms. 

We also told the boys that the first star at night you see is their aunty and that she is looking down on you and looking after you.  We also said that they can talk to her through the star and she'll be able to hear you. This works, because every time they saw the first star they'd say there's our aunty and they'd say hello. To this day they still do it sometimes.