Parenting is the biggest challenge a person will ever face and it is far from an easy job. The journey from childhood to adulthood, in my opinion, is the toughest part of parenting and can be the most difficult transition of your child's life and yours as a parent. Most

parents with teenagers feel as if they have lost their influence over their child and are constantly challenged by the teenage will to succeed and the quest for teen independence. As overwhelming as this may be and as sure as you are that your teenagers do not need you, they most certainly do. Despite the rolling of the eyes, the 'Mum, Dad I know already' teenagers need their parents support, guidance and love as much as they did when they were younger, even if they may not act like it or know themselves.

So many times I would walk away from my 16 year old walking hormone, aka my daughter, totally confused and without a clue as to what I had just said that upset her, again, still...What I would consider a totally innocent remark would invoke a teenage temper tantrum of pure undiluted female emotion that would take me on a rollercoaster  ride of raw volatile hormones. It was exhausting to say the lease and I would search for some understanding, some clue, some idea of how to handle the ride. Its not like you can set out on this journey with knee pads and helmet in case of crashing. These times would have my silent alarms flashing with warnings sounds and lights....'assume the position, we are about to crash'...

However, at the same time I was confused over what was happening, so was my teenager. She didn't understand why she was feeling like she was, why things upset her all the time, why there was this uncontrollable urge to remain angry at those who loved her unconditionally. I would try and think back to my days as a teenager and although that helped to a point there were so many things I never had to consider at the same age. Today kids are growing up in an environment much more dangerous than what I grew up in, the drugs are 100 times more lethal and available as are STD's.

So what do you do when you are faced with behaviour that is not desirable, attitudes that leave you deflated and lost, teenagers that you feel have been sent from the pit of hell to test your tolerance and capabilities of walking among those who have already sold their soul for peace among teens...There are many things a parent could do and I far from claim to know the best ways to handle this but I do know what ended up working for me....

I learnt to....

Focus on one behaviour at a time. Do not try and bring attention to 4 or 5 things at once, it only makes your teenager think that you find fault in everything about them.

Be there, let them know you are always going to be there for them but don't always offer your advice or opinion, wait until you are ask or ask if they want to know what you think.

Respect them and their privacy. Don't clean their room unless you are helping them do it or if it is a mutual thing that has been agreed upon. Other wise keep out of there. We don't like people going through our rooms do we....(that is unless you have reason to suspect other wise)

As teens, especially females, are overly sensitive about their appearance be positive about the way they look. Even if this includes overlooking major fashion no no's of our time. Accept the fact that fashion has changed and we may not have...

If you have a teen that hibernates in their room, let them know that you are around if they need, knock on the door once in a while to say hi and make sure they are ok but don't force them to come out. They are there more often than not because they want to be alone, they want solitude....respect that.  

Make meal times a family thing, especially if you have a child who likes staying in their room. Accepting they like to be alone is great, but encourage them to accept your wishes too, that your one time to be together as a family is at meal times. Make sure this time is not spent arguing or discussing behaviours or negative things. Let meal times be enjoyable so that everyone wants to be there together.   Always stay involved with your teens education. Encourage them to be all they can be and understand why grades may suffer from time to time.

My daughters grades suffered terribly when my husband passed away. She was so upset and didn't want me to see her report card. I just stressed that I was interested in the grades this time, just what the teachers had to say. Discuss how the went through the term, ask what they think affected them the most, what they think they need to do...this isn't about you as a parent, this is about them as a student and how they can cope when their world may feel like its crashing around them. As grades can reflect problems it is a good idea to keep an eye on them, but more so the teachers comments. It may hold the key for the underlining problem

A lot of parents resist buying mobile phones for their children. I don't like them myself but they are a god send when you need to contact them. If you do buy one, like I did for all my kids, make sure you discuss a good plan with your teen for owning one. Discuss your concerns, if you have any, and talk to them about what you both can do to prevent these problems from occurring or reoccurring.

Make subjects such as drugs, smoking and sex open and free for discussion. Don't be judgemental about it but rather offer some guidelines for surviving peer pressure and again, let them know that you will always be there to talk to about it.

Watch out for signs that your teen needs/wants help. School grades, depression even violent behaviour can be indications for this. Look in advance for where help is available for you and your teen. This is something I began early on. I always had things laying around the house, fridge magnets which I made myself that listed teen help lines and so on... If you do this early on it is something they know about, know where to get the info quickly and because you have left this information around always, your teen will not feel as if you don't trust them if it is a matter of you doubting them....(if that makes any sense)

Take a positive interest in the music your kids listen to. I made the mistake of banning Eminem before I listened to him. OK, so there are songs I can't stand, but not all of it is bad and I enjoy some of it even. 

That's it for me on teenagers for now.....hope it has helped someone out.....