It is really a matter of gaining his respect now that he is stronger and older.  I think you have done that but Mom has not.  She needs to be the one sitting down with him and talking things out before they get out of hand

I listen without interrupting my boys no matter what they say or how they say it just so I know what I/someone did to get them into a state of anger, after the tantrum of words I then asked them if they were ready to deal with the issue as an adult.

By getting it out and then talking it out seemed to earn their respect.  By using the adult in them and the individuality like asking them what they would do in my place, it made them think and use their brain instead of their strength.

It may be worth a try for her also has she ever considered that she has anxiety disorder or a medical condition that could be treated to help her cope properly.  I do and with meds and respect for each others feelings and opinions that worked for me

This is exactly the sort of thing I was told to do for Brendan by the Youth Mental Health Service. I know it works for most kids, I've seen it work with other kids. Unfortunately it didn't work with Brendan - but then he was a very extreme case.

I found the best and safest way for both adult and child, is to sit on the floor with the child sitting in front of you facing the same way, between your legs. Hold his right hand in your left hand and his left hand in your right hand so his arms are crossed over like they were in a straight-jacket. This will stop him pulling hair and hitting. Keep your head up so he can't headbutt you in the face. To stop him kicking, cross your legs over his legs. This postion reduces the chances of either of you getting hurt, and it creates the comforting hugged feeling the child needs to eventually calm down.

The only significant movement the child will be able make - if you let him - is to rock back and forth or side to side, and this will also help to calm and comfort the child.

It may take a while before the child settles the first few times, but the time it takes will eventually decrease until it isn't needed any longer.

i do agree with this, it goes to show how a child can be with different types of people. i sometimes look after an autistic girl for a friend of the family to give her mum a break, she knows with me that if she chucks tantrums adnsulks every five minutes she won't recieve what hse wants and she won't recieve any attention from me, until she comes and apologises. she is a very smart girl and although autistic she knows when she is in the wrong she explains in detail why she shouldn't have done this, she is a beautiful girl and i love having her when ever we can so i can relate to yuo in some cercomstances good on you, not just for helping his mum out but for bettering his life as well

not sure if I agree with your advice but your heart was definitely in the right place. Sometimes we get desperate and sometimes that out of left field option works so who knows.

Best wishes

My situation was different but on one occasion my almost 4 year old was so violent 2 people working in harvey norman had to help me stop hm hitting me. I had bruisig all up my arms. After sandtray therapy 3 sessions it stopped. he had post traumatic stress disorder . I am not saying it will be this easy but look at everything you can find to get him help. I fough with my ex and drs and a child psych from june to oct 04 before anyone would listen. Then my ex witnessed and attack and we both went and sought help for our son. My son was angry and he did not know how to let go of the rage. Yes I was scared of him. I felt stupid being afraid of my beautfily little boy but his rages were frightening. Get help ,,try one child psych for example and if his fails try another and keep trying to you get help

good luck and god bless

meg