minti, powered by parents Powered by Parents
First Visit?     Register     Login
 

This site gets better with user participation. Please participate... Some of the main things you can do is rate this advice, add comments to this advice, add links to and from this advice, and/or write your own advice.

  email  print
  report   
Like this topic?
Write Advice
Add to Favorites
Advice that links to this one
ADVICE RATING
 (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) 4.79 (Highly recommend) from 90 votes (4701 Visits)

Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

lightbee by lightbee Young Parent(December 2006) (rank 17th)

After a rather heated discussion with my boyfriend on this topic, I just wanted to put my 2 cents in.

I believe you should never ask a woman if she's pregnant - even if she looks like she's about to pop - because:

  1. You could be wrong,
    and you're basically just calling her fat.
  2. You could be right and she doesn't want to tell anyone yet.
  3. She may have been pregnant and already had the baby.  Again, you're just calling her fat.
  4. She may have been pregnant and lost the baby.   Now you're calling her fat and bringing up a traumatic issue.
  5. She may just want one day in her life where she doesn't have to discuss pregnancy and birth.
  6. If you're a family member or friend who wants her to have children, you're putting undue pressure on if you're wrong.
  7. If you're the 5th person to ask that question that day, I'll bet she's sick of answering it.  Whether she is or not.

If someone's pregnant, they will share it with you if they want to.  Then you can talk about it to your heart's desire.  But if they don't tell you, then don't bring it up.  You might just manage to avoid that really awkward pause where she looks at her feet and says "No..."

Any contributed content above is the subjective opinion of that member or external author, and not of Minti.com Pty Ltd. If you are searching for health related advice we strongly suggest you seek professional medical support. View our Terms of Service for more details.

Related Content:

Bookmarks:

ADVICE RATING
 (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) 4.79 (Highly recommend) from 90 votes
Report
ExcellentExcellentExcellentExcellentExcellent
GoodGoodGoodGoodGood
AverageAverageAverageAverageAverage
PoorPoorPoorPoorPoor
Very PoorVery PoorVery PoorVery PoorVery Poor

Voting help


 
Add a comment on this article.

 

Shatha
April 19th | Shatha
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

One of th best topics I've ever read. I had this experience before having my baby. As most of women in my country get pregnant within the first year of marriage. My husband and I planned not to have kids for at least two years and I was about to get crazy from pepole's questions. They kept asking if im pregnant or not and if not why was that

 



Reply Reply Report
emmax4
February 27th | emmax4
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

This is an interesting topic, as for the last eight years I have had almost every one that sees me comment on when I am due, even when I have been holding my two week baby, or the funniest was when my third was 19 days old, when is the twin due . I have had my stomach muscles separated beyond the point of no return since the birth of my second child, & after my forth they are even worse. I am a size 8 & have a quite skinny figure (no bum or hips) BUT my stomach always looks 16 weeks (give or take) pregnant.  I hope I may be able to get it surgically fixed but not until I am not lifting small children.  It doesn't worry me too much, but there are only so many times you want to explain why you look the way you do. So why people assume that every woman with a stomach is pregnant & they have the right to comment I  just don't know!!!



Reply Reply Report
mand
February 25th | mand
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

I agree I once went clothes shopping was wearing not the most flattering top and pants just selected my clothes and the lady at the counter said when are you due well I thought it was funny a first and tried to make her feel better she felt  terriable poor girl and I did a little to well I am mentioning it now so it must have bothered me my stomach sticks out if I am not standing up straight.



Reply Reply Report
Iriny
January 15th | Iriny
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

So true! thank you to every one who has agreed with this, being pregnant you can never win, i didnt show with first one till after 20 weeks then out he popped, and so far at 15 weeks i still dont look and different, i relise i am very luck here and my heart goes out to all the amazing women who deal with the constant bombardment of questions, when it's no bodies business but theirs, HEAR HEAR to the dont ask, and only comment once told and asked for an opinion



Reply Reply Report
YUB
January 10th | YUB
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

Hear! Hear!



Reply Reply Report
pixiedon
January 6th | pixiedon
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

LOL I'm still surprised that no one in work has asked me yet but maybe they think I just ate too much over Christmas. I'd never ask someone just in case, wait until they tell you. It steals their glory in spreading the news too. (I plan to announce my news on Friday)



Reply Reply Report
      YUB
January 12th | YUB
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

Congradulations!!



Reply Reply Report
learningwithlove
December 2008 | learningwithlove
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

 rotfl - this cracks me up!  I used to weigh 115kg and quite a bit of it was tummy, and I ALWAYS got asked by strangers when I was due.  Whilst it hurt my feelings the first couple of times, I then got over it and used it as an opportunity to have a giggle and get creative in my responses!



Reply Reply Report
mummyjade
December 2008 | mummyjade
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

if I only read this sooner.  I had bad foot in mouth disease today.  I still feel horrible.  Was at kindergym today when I was approached as to how long I had left (I am actually pregnant) I then told her then asked if she was pregnant She was not fat at all, which is why I asked cos she had a little tum.  And she of course said no.  Oh my god I felt so terrible, poor girl.  I left straight after that red faced. 



Reply Reply Report
darkangel6976
December 2008 | darkangel6976
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

Fantastic advice there!



Reply Reply Report
natsgrant
November 2008 | natsgrant
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

HILARIOUS!

Sadly, I've seen this happen in pretty much all instances to friends and myself (and I wasn't pregnant, just fat - GUTTED).

Of course, now that I am actually preggers, I don't look different in the slightest. Gr...



Reply Reply Report
nabutters
October 2008 | nabutters
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

thanks for ur advice!

naomi



Reply Reply Report
patterson
October 2008 | patterson
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

I just found this site because I was dying of regret having done this to a good friend tonight!  I thought I was sensitive by just asking if there was anything "new" in her life, but the way I did it she knew what I meant and she recoiled in shock, asking outloud (public setting) if I meant was she pregnant and how mean!!  We both wrote each other apologetic emails and it's okay now, but I know after reading this site and all the comments that I will NEVER even insinuate no matter how close I am to someone.  So many, many reasons not to!!  Thanks for your comments.



Reply Reply Report
misterblaze
October 2008 | misterblaze
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

Number 4 is a big issue. It's happened to my wife and I, and I know others as well. It takes a long time to recover from losing a baby, much longer than it takes for the woman's body to return to shape. It's not so much the 'fat' thing as the reminder that there's no baby, and that she's no longer pregnant.

People will tell you when they're pregnant. Most times they're bursting to tell you. If they haven't said they're pregnant it's best to assume that they're not. If they're not so keen to share that it's blurted out then the chances are good that they're either not, or there's something that they don't want to talk about. A little sensitivity is a good idea.



Reply Reply Report
shizlee
August 2008 | shizlee
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

I didn't read all of the comments, but I get asked if I'm pregnant the moment I mention I don't feel well. If I feel woozy or nauseated or something. "ARE YOU PREGNANT?" NO. Asking a woman if she's pregnant makes several assumptions:

- that she wants to be pregnant/wants kids or SHOULD want kids

- that she's in a good relationship with her fella

- that she and her partner don't have any problems with infertility

- that I'm not one of those women who doesn't tell anyone in the first trimester

- that I'm so chummy with the person that I'll just tell them all sorts of personal things, or that my personal life is their business

I think it's presumptuous and highly rude to speculate on the contents of my uterus, the status of my relationship, me and my partner's feeling on having children, or that I don't mind sharing personal info with whoever comes along, just because I've eaten a bad ham sandwich or something. Friends may ask politely in private -- they know when to do that. Strangers, acquaintances, barely-known work people should NOT be assuming they have the right to know so much.

I recently got serious with a gal who asked me that, publicly, on Facebook of all places, in front of the whole world. While my relationship with my husband is great and I have no reason to think we're infertile, I listed all the reasons above as WHY SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE ASKED THAT IN PUBLIC. She made me feel naked in front of everyone! I felt horribly affronted.

MY uterus? MY business.



Reply Reply Report
      natsgrant
November 2008 | natsgrant
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant
Brilliant!


Reply Reply Report
ksweatman
June 2008 | ksweatman
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

Definitely true!  A lady I work with had gastric bypass surgery and didn't tell anyone.  When she came back to work after summer vacation (we are teachers) she had a very swollen belly (she looked about 6 months pregnant)  The rumors began to fly.  I just assumed she was pregnant. She stayed the same size all year and finally I figured she couldn't be pregnant because surely she would be about 15 months pregnant if she was.  Finally I had to know.  I asked a coworker and she told me about the surgery.  I came so close to asking this woman if she was pregnant.  How embarrassing would that have been....."No I'm not pregnant, I just had gastric bypass and didn't want anyone to know........"



Reply Reply Report
MJB
June 2008 | MJB
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

This is so true! i work at a doctor's surgery so even if a patient is about to POP i know nothing! unless they tell me i dont know whats going on...also we've had a few pts lose their babies very sad so that doesn't put either of us in an awkward position...and also as a medical receptionist its my job to support not to stick my nose in! as in my job i do outside of work a woman might knock me over with her belly but i dont know anything lol when i was 14 i asked my mums friend when her baby was due...and she wasn't pregnant it was so awful i felt so bad! never again have i commented on anyone i think or know is pregnant till they spill the beans and also its their place to let everyone know their happy news =)



Reply Reply Report
Shadowbrooke
June 2008 | Shadowbrooke
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

First I would like to say - thanks to all who have posted replies and for the intial thread - it made me remember what over the years I had forgotten. Having been in many of the positions listed above, I understand (and remember) the stuned looks I am sure I gave over comments made.

Now all of my children are grown and gone,I did "forget",what was like for me over 20 years ago but now it is with a child who you wonder on - but instead of asking, I am going to allow her to tell us in her time and save myself the ackward situation I would be putting myself into. Could be they are enjoying the blessing on their own for now.



Reply Reply Report
jerzgirl818
June 2008 | jerzgirl818
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

I also agree!  I spent my entire third trimester trying to ignore rude questions.  Are you pregnant?  Oh, are you crazy?  Don't you already have your hands full? Can I feel your belly? (Do I know you?)  Do you know what you're getting yourself into?   It was only my third for goodness sake!!  And after I had given birth to him, he had severe jaundice, so I had to bring him to the hospital every day for 10 days.  When he was three days old, my mom was walking him so I could sit down, and these people said, "oh, when are you due".  I told them that  baby was three days old and they exclaimed, "wow, your stomach is still so big!".  I was mortified.  I mean, what did they expect?  9 months of baby belly to just dissolve?  I managed to bite my tongue, get up, and waddle away!!



Reply Reply Report
missnickley
June 2008 | missnickley
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

I agree! There are just so many things that it could be. But at the same time being asked if you are going to have any more children when i am 32 weeks pregnant was a little upsetting as well! How big does she think i am normally???
And especially if you dont really know the person, unless they speak about it there is really no reason to bring it up!



Reply Reply Report
kseers
June 2008 | kseers
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

I agree!  Been on the receiving end a few times.  Had to laugh recently though when a friend announced she was pregnant - six montths!  "I can't believe none of you had noticed - it's a bit obvious!"  We all thought the same thing - we may notice but you never ask!



Reply Reply Report
AZMom
May 2008 | AZMom
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

Lol I'm with you!

I had recently had a c-section and was in a store buying newborn diapers with my 6 week son in his pram when the cashier asked me when I was due....HELLO!!! I was gutted as I didn't realise I was still that big  

Lorna



Reply Reply Report
Juzzy
April 2008 | Juzzy
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

With my first pregnancy i would have loved anyone to ask. The day i was leaving work to have the baby i actually told a regular customer that today was my last day and they asked me why i was leaving. I think that can also be embarrassing too.

Great artical. Very lighthearted



Reply Reply Report
amazon
5.00 (Excellent) | April 2008 | amazon
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

Yeah Im 29 weeks pregnant and people can be so rude sometimes, its amazing how your weight gain is suddenly their business, Ive had some comments that I have just shaken my head at like hmm your getting large are you having a baby? (Thinking) Well I think its a baby or it could be and elephant......I'm quite surprised that most of the comments have been from other mothers I think we should all be educated in how to speak to a pregnant women. So great advice lightbee.......



Reply Reply Report
      alishas-mummy
April 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

i definitely agree with your last sentence...
you'd think that mothers would know what to say to other mothers :)

but good on ya for shaking your head !!! :)

xox



Reply Reply Report
Guerin
5.00 (Excellent) | April 2008 | Guerin
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

I agree, especially soon after you have given birth and still look 5 months pregnant because it all hasn't gone done.  I wonder if mine ever will.

 



Reply Reply Report
bels25
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | bels25
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

i agree, i have been asked numerous times by strangers if i am-this has occured before and after i was pregnant,as i've alway has a bit of a belly. in the end i stopped getting embarrased and hoped more i embarrased the person asking me!!



Reply Reply Report
avanliamsmum
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | avanliamsmum
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

I can't believe the amount of people who are confident in asking a woman if she's pregnant. With my 1st, I was still working and some customers would actually ask me if I was and how far along I was! What if I wasn't pregnant? How would they fix that up?!



Reply Reply Report
Jessgore
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | Jessgore
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

You forgot also..

"NEVER PAT A PREGNANT WOMAN ON THE BELLY WITH OUT ASKING FIRST"  realated or not... :)



Reply Reply Report
      lightbee
March 2008 | lightbee
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

Thanks Jess!  I totally agree.  It is such an invasion of privacy.  I had a few people do that to me - including one total stranger - when I was pregnant with my first and I just felt totally violated.  It feels like such an intimate part of your body, and you want to be able to decide whether or not someone can be part of that.



Reply Reply Report
           YUB
January 12th | YUB
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

I'm with you on this one! It happened to me when I was having a REALLY bad day, and I whirled on the poor woman and asked her if she wanted to feel my boobs too, as they were getting bigger too! I felt really bed afterwards, too, and the guilt put me in a bad mood all over again!!



Reply Reply Report
weejohnny1972
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | weejohnny1972
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

If you have ever seen a certain episode of "Frasier" then you definately should never broach this subject (or offer your seat on the bus) ... as it could actually turn out to be a bloke!!



Reply Reply Report
mummy2girls
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | mummy2girls
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

Absolutely!!

lol xxxx.



Reply Reply Report
alishas-mummy
5.00 (Excellent) | March 2008 | alishas-mummy
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

haha great advice..
and with a piece of comedy too ! hehe

xox



Reply Reply Report
exquisite-flower
5.00 (Excellent) | January 2008 | exquisite-flower
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

Great advice.  Sadly it is awareness of being pregnant that makes us tactful to others who are going through what we have (recently) been through.  As time goes on, somehow many women forget how annoying those questions were - or figure that since they have been there then they have rights above anyone else to ask.  Just wait though, I know this right now, but I bet there will come a time when I too put my foot in it - just hope it is not with anyone who reads what I have written here!!!
Peace
EF.x 



Reply Reply Report
angieh
5.00 (Excellent) | November 2007 | angieh
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant
I have to agree about that one.

It reminds me of Hugh Grant in the movie 2 Weeks Notice when he asks the African American woman that he's interviewing whether she's pregnant or not, then blames it on Sandra Bullock as a scapegoat.


Reply Reply Report
natelz1
5.00 (Excellent) | November 2007 | natelz1
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant
lol, yup, good one leith xox


Reply Reply Report
      natelz1
5.00 (Excellent) | November 2007 | natelz1
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant
whoops i mean great article, so true, needs to be asked hehe, 5 stars


Reply Reply Report
FremantleDocker
5.00 (Excellent) | November 2007 | FremantleDocker
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant
Excellent advice and all so true. Well done on the article, and it's a great reminder also. Thankyou.


Reply Reply Report
Ngairi
5.00 (Excellent) | October 2007 | Ngairi
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant
And also it could be very embarrassing for the person asking if you are not pregnant. I never lost the weight after the first 2 kids, and was putting on more on my belly with a few other issues I was having. The janitor at the primary school asked me if I was pregnant and got really embarrassed when I said I wasn't, that I was just fat. He was close to retiring age too so I think that made it worse for him. Then when I did fall pregnant with the last one I went and told him specifically that I was pregnant. He really appreciated it.
Leisa


Reply Reply Report
LibbyS
5.00 (Excellent) | September 2007 | LibbyS
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

This season and last season those flow-y dresses which hang from the bust are in fashion - it looks like everyone is wearing maternity dresses! My man almost asked a friend of mine about her (non existant) 'pregnancy', then remember the golden rule and didn't ask - thank goodness. She was wearing one of these dresses; it was just the way it fell.

Must make it easier to find nice clothes if are actually pregnant at the moment I guess!



Reply Reply Report
      lindterbean
5.00 (Excellent) | November 2007 | lindterbean
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant
SO true!


Reply Reply Report
mcm
5.00 (Excellent) | September 2007 | mcm
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant
Very good point.

I do want to be asked if I am BUT if I am not its the worse question.

I was once asked when I was due. I answered, "For a holiday? About now"


Reply Reply Report
      mcm
5.00 (Excellent) | September 2007 | mcm
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant
Just to add when I was pregnant with the last baby, it wasn't until I was 8 - 9 months that I was asked if I was pregnant. It made me feel like I must have just looked fat before then.


Reply Reply Report
           lindterbean
5.00 (Excellent) | November 2007 | lindterbean
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant
too funny!
I agree with this article entirely, but I was pretty excited the first time I was asked when I really was pregnant, it made it feel more 'real'. I guess the best thing to do is ask the woman's best friend first! -ha!


Reply Reply Report
angelicarose
5.00 (Excellent) | September 2007 | angelicarose
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant
love it!!!  SO SO SO SO TRUE


Reply Reply Report
lucysmum
5.00 (Excellent) | September 2007 | lucysmum
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant
I agree. It's just a matter of privacy and respect, isn't it?!


Reply Reply Report
merlin0903
5.00 (Excellent) | September 2007 | merlin0903
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

 

this is great advice, and i agree that you should never ever ask any women if they are or not, cause the last thing that you want to do is upset someone and then you end up been the one with egg on your face, thanks for sharing you wonderful advice with us

hugs and kisses



Reply Reply Report
guest414
5.00 (Excellent) | September 2007 | guest414
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant
I totally argee u really shouldnt .. some one asked me and im not pregnant i cant be actually but  i was wearing a loose shirt and leaning forward to get something out of my school bag and someone ask me if i was pregnant and now i feel fat and didnt want to eat but lots of people think im thin . i cried . maybe it was the style of the shirt but i know im 120  and 5'7 . please reply only if u going not be mean.


Reply Reply Report
      lindterbean
5.00 (Excellent) | November 2007 | lindterbean
Re: Never ask a woman if she's pregnant
You sound pretty skinny to me.
(Thos darn fashion companies!)


Reply Reply Report
JUL3926
5.00 (Excellent) | January 2007 | JUL3926
what if...
I totally agree with you that you should not ask someone if they are pregnant.  Being on the heavier side I know how it would feel if someone were to come up to me and ask it.  I would be devastated and probably not talk to that person again.

Anyways, my question is what if you have a close friend who has always been thin start to gain weight (about 10 lbs) only in her stomach?  Her stomach is larger and unlike most people when they gain weight there and develop "rolls" hers is round and smooth...sans rolls.  Other friends come to you and ask if she is pregnant.  She now only wears sweatshirts or a coat (when she is out for 2-3 hours without taking it off!). 
I need some advice on this from people who are so anti asking the question as I was before this situation.  My fear is that she is in denial and doesn't want to confront it.  She still drinks and smokes like normal so you can see why I feel the need to confront her about it. 
Is there a delicate way of doing this?


Reply Reply Report
      lightbee
5.00 (Excellent) | January 2007 | lightbee
what if...

Ooh - interesting one...  Maybe that's the one time you could get away with it - though you'd want to be prepared to get embarrassed if you're wrong.  If it's a genuine concern, rather than just wanting to be in the know (as most people are), you could probably approach her and ask if there's any chance she might be pregnant.  Maybe if you could ascertain if she has any missed periods or nausea first then that might give you a inroad to the question.

Rather than focus on her weight gain, maybe you could just tell her she isn't quite looking herself lately and you're concerned.  Is there anything going on?  Is there any chance she could be pregnant? etc.

Best of luck with it all. Hope all goes well...



Reply Reply Report
wolonfab
5.00 (Excellent) | January 2007 | wolonfab
Great advice..... Need to print that to carry with me as I look pregnant cause i have pcos
I hate going in to try on clothes and being told that when i have the baby i will look better...when i say i am not nor do i have plans to be pregnant they say well u need to get a girdle.......My best friend hadnt seen me for 4 mths and he too touched my stomach and asked how long to go,....... needless to say i go out in baggy tshirts now.....

Needless to say i dont buy alot of clothes now...... i bit the bullet and i went and bought one of those hold it all in things.....yet due to the pain i get with PCOS it hurts to wear alot.... Nothing worse than feeling like a big fat slob when you try on clothes......


Reply Reply Report
      lightbee
5.00 (Excellent) | January 2007 | lightbee
Great advice..... Need to print that to carry with me as I look pregnant cause i have pcos
How about a T-shirt that says "I'm not pregnant... Thanks for not asking"!


Reply Reply Report
           lindterbean
5.00 (Excellent) | November 2007 | lindterbean
Re: Great advice..... Need to print that to carry with me as I look pregnant cause i have pcos
You'd make a fortune!


Reply Reply Report
           angelicarose
5.00 (Excellent) | September 2007 | angelicarose
Re: Great advice..... Need to print that to carry with me as I look pregnant cause i have pcos



Reply Reply Report
jackandwillsmummy
5.00 (Excellent) | January 2007 | jackandwillsmummy
Yep I hate this question !

I totally agree! As someone who has had that happen many,many times when not pregnant it is so embarassing. I am a person who's main weight goes to my belly so even when I am not pregnant I have a belly. I have also been through having my first baby son die in labour and then have people ask me in the following weeks when I was due and then have to explain that my baby died. I had no problem talking about him I just hated the way people reacted to me when I told them like I had the plague or something and quickly say goodbye, I know they felt bad but its worse when they run off.

I do just think it is rude to ask this question because what if the lady is not pregnant! I actually am pregnant again now but my belly already looks further along then I am because i had a belly already. Now I will just have to endure for the third pregnancy "Are you sure you aren't having twins"? and "You are so huge", other comments people should not say!



Reply Reply Report
celtica189
5.00 (Excellent) | January 2007 | celtica189
how embarrassing
i was going to a meeting at a lady's house about a charity gig my mum and i were opening for tarni stephens who was in the top 12 of australian idol , anyway i hadnt yet met tarni or her boyfriend rob or even the lady, so when we were all introducing ourselves, rob commented on how he loved my outfit, and that i looked really nice, well i got all embarrassed and said -" oh thanks, this was the only way i could hide my belly from having the twins"(he already knew i had twins from earlier conversation.). well all was quiet for a while as everyone was discussing the event when rob turned to me and asked"so when is the baby due?" i nearly died i just laughed and said , no im not pregnant now i had twins a year ago, he went bright red, then i started laughing and said thats ok just make sure you remember to never ever ask a woman if she is having a baby unless you can see it coming out of her. he  sure learnt a lesson that day, it turns out that he was actually a shadow minister in parliment lol oops


Reply Reply Report
      lightbee
5.00 (Excellent) | January 2007 | lightbee
how embarrassing
LMAO!!! Oh that's too funny!  Maybe there'll be some new parliamentary policy on not asking women if they're pregnant to avoid ministerial embarassment!!!


Reply Reply Report
bleshu
5.00 (Excellent) | January 2007 | bleshu
guilty as charged
I have to admit, I have done it and I was wrong!  I felt like slapping my own face!  I even rubbed her tummy!  OMG!  She was very sweet about it and said "No, Ive just put on a bit of weight since I saw you last"  I tried to defuse it by slapping my ass and saying "me too"  We had a laugh but I felt like a right wanker!


Reply Reply Report
Wendigo
5.00 (Excellent) | January 2007 | Wendigo
Or...

They could have a problem like me and just be severely bloated when menstrating - makes me look 6 to 7 months pregs when it gets bad.

They could be like my Mum and have a severe hernia, which made her look about 7 months pregs.  Or my Dad, same problem, looked 9 months preg.

They could have some other medical condition causing their stomach to look rounded. 

Or they might just have a classic beer gut.

Either way, it's a bit insensitive.  If they want us to know, they will tell us.



Reply Reply Report
kitten
5.00 (Excellent) | January 2007 | kitten
So true

I would never ask i know that my SIL has been asked and she is not pregnant and it is embarressing from you and the person you are asking if they are not pregnant.

As per one of the other comments i didnt carry very big at all and lots of people asking me how far i would say 7 mths and they would say you dont even look pregnant. After a while just feels a bit depressing when you feel that pregnant, i felt big even if i didnt look it. 

I am getting fed up with comments that I will be pregnant again by next year as i want to enjoy the baby i have now and not think about another one yet!



Reply Reply Report
OzBinky
5.00 (Excellent) | January 2007 | OzBinky
I agree....
and I have fallen into that question a few times and now avoid it like there is no tomorrow.

On the subject of what people should avoid saying .......another one that should never be said is 'Your how far one, gee, you don't look it'

I could flatten people who say that at the moment. My DIL is 6 mnths and not carrying very big and we hear it all the time. I just feel for her 'tis all.....


Reply Reply Report
MadMel
4.54 (Excellent) | December 2006 | MadMel
Are you fat?
Hides in the corner

Remembers a terrible experience that happened last week involving a shop girl, a baby doll top and a "no im not but your the thrid person thats asked today" comment.

I felt like an idiot. Atleast as I was the 3rd it wasn't just me. She wasn't fat either. It was just the way the top hung.


Reply Reply Report
missice78
5.00 (Excellent) | December 2006 | missice78
rude rude rude
I have an 8 month old DS and yes maybe I do need to lose some more post baby weight but why do you have to look at me like I am pregnant!!!!! Some people!!! I would rather not ask than to ask and embarass someone


Reply Reply Report
breannababy
5.00 (Excellent) | December 2006 | breannababy
in to the lions with them I say
When I was 7 months pregnant I was managing a tourist resort,I'd had to chat an aprox 20 year old tourist for an improper behavioural matter.I was in the middle of supervising staff in a busy bar situation when I heard her loudly assasinate my character for all and asunder to hear,her companion asked who she was talking about she pointed and finished off louder still that big fat b-tch over there....I marched over to her and stated that here in Australia we treated pregnant women kindly and with respect and we certainly didn't cowardly insult them behind there backs.I also suggested that she might like to leave as she wouldn't be welcome in my bar that evening.I was pretty small  and did not I suppose look pregnant........I just don't know why people have to comment on weight at all be it fat thin or pregnant.regards Merle


Reply Reply Report
allyp
5.00 (Excellent) | December 2006 | allyp
Agreed
I agree... I was working one day a few years back and alot of people asked me if I was pregnant.. I was sooo sick of people asking me if I was pregnant that I went and bought a pregnancy test and thankfully I wasn't. So if another person asked me, I told them no and boy the look on their face's.. Rude if you ask me!!
I would rather let them tell me that their pregnant instead of being soo embarassed for asking if she wasn't!!


Reply Reply Report
violeta
5.00 (Excellent) | December 2006 | violeta
doug

few weeks ago I went shoping and met 2 family friends (mother and daughter) and we spoked for a min and after we moved on I thout Oh my god they think I am pregnant what gave them that idea. they kept saying thinks like I am about to have a baby "what he does not like to have a hearcut oh but this one will" sort of things. if someone is pregnant you will know it if you need to ask then you dont need to know, and if someone looks pregnant than why ask "I you pregnant?" oh no I just like pooting 20kg in 9 months than have liposaction.



Reply Reply Report
lindterbean
5.00 (Excellent) | December 2006 | lindterbean
amen
I have been asked that recently because I keep leaving work to go to the doctor. I just try to remember that people just get really excited about babies so they have trouble containing themselves.


Reply Reply Report
Frontier
5.00 (Excellent) | December 2006 | Frontier
A bit of tact is needed sometimes
SDometime you really need to think about what you are going to say before you say it. I don't ask a girl anything unless I am sure it is going to leave me in a favourable light or at least make them feel beeter. The same can be said for blokes as well. I have been asked "when are you due?" in jest a few times and although it is meant to be funny, it can really hurt if you are feeling a little sensitive.
I try to play a flat bat until I know how the wicket is playing.   


Reply Reply Report
      Frontier
5.00 (Excellent) | December 2006 | Frontier
A bit of tact is needed sometimes
Many girls would rather feel better than beeter .


Reply Reply Report
Britt
5.00 (Excellent) | December 2006 | Britt
yes i agree YOU WIN
you definetly win this one, very well put


Reply Reply Report
Marguerite
5.00 (Excellent) | December 2006 | Marguerite
The verdict is in - you win!

You are totally right. After the birth of my daughter, at my six weekly (am I healed up enough to start enjoying conjugal relations - enjoying being the operative word) check-up with the local GP I was asked by the secretary when my baby was due.  This woman wasn't particularly bright as I did have my baby in a pram with me but, to her credit, the pram was concealed behind the counter unlike, it would appear, the mound of post-birth belly still wobbling about in front of me! How did I feel?  Fat and unnatractive.  The last thing I needed really.



Reply Reply Report
cookclan
5.00 (Excellent) | December 2006 | cookclan
how true
Oh how true!!!!!!!! I have looked at other mums at the school when I am with the kids and thought is she pregnant but I was not the one to put my foot in it it was another mother who asked her when she was due? Her reply you ask?? The 32nd of never oh how embarrassing for both people. Some people ask my hubby these days when he is due wonder if thats the same thing lol
Cheers
Angie


Reply Reply Report
      lightbee
5.00 (Excellent) | December 2006 | lightbee
how true

I had it happen to me the other day.  Wearing a very unflattering jumper and carrying some winter weight.  An old friend who I hadn't seen in ages ran into me and said "Oh! When are you due?"  I said "I'm not pregnant."   Most people would leave it there, right?!  Nope, she went on "Oh, you must be pregnant".  Me (feeling very embarassed) "No, I've just got to lose a bit of weight".  Friend (now ex-friend! lol!) "Have you just had a baby then?"  Man!  When was she going to stop!  It seriously took about 5 or 6 exchanges like that before she finally accepted that I was not  - and had not recently been - pregnant and that I was feeling pretty embarassed over the whole line of questions.

Some people just don't think!



Reply Reply Report
           cookclan
5.00 (Excellent) | December 2006 | cookclan
how true
Man thats rude. One time maybe you could excuse that with I don't know sorry or something but 5 or six times man !!!!!! You know i carry weight in my belly pretty well but i dont think I have ever had any one ask me if i was pregnant again hmmm Some people just have no idea really
Cheers
Angie


Reply Reply Report
                lindterbean
November 2007 | lindterbean
Re: how true
Just reply, "When are you?"


Reply Reply Report
                lightbee
5.00 (Excellent) | December 2006 | lightbee
how true
I couldn't believe it either.  I think that comes down to a complete lack of social skills and tact.  Really poor.


Reply Reply Report

Know someone who would like this site? Refer a friend