Never ask a woman if she's pregnant

One of th best topics I've ever read. I had this experience before having my baby. As most of women in my country get pregnant within the first year of marriage. My husband and I planned not to have kids for at least two years and I was about to get crazy from pepole's questions. They kept asking if im pregnant or not and if not why was that

This is an interesting topic, as for the last eight years I have had almost every one that sees me comment on when I am due, even when I have been holding my two week baby, or the funniest was when my third was 19 days old, when is the twin due . I have had my stomach muscles separated beyond the point of no return since the birth of my second child, & after my forth they are even worse. I am a size 8 & have a quite skinny figure (no bum or hips) BUT my stomach always looks 16 weeks (give or take) pregnant.  I hope I may be able to get it surgically fixed but not until I am not lifting small children.  It doesn't worry me too much, but there are only so many times you want to explain why you look the way you do. So why people assume that every woman with a stomach is pregnant & they have the right to comment I  just don't know!!!

I agree I once went clothes shopping was wearing not the most flattering top and pants just selected my clothes and the lady at the counter said when are you due well I thought it was funny a first and tried to make her feel better she felt  terriable poor girl and I did a little to well I am mentioning it now so it must have bothered me my stomach sticks out if I am not standing up straight.

So true! thank you to every one who has agreed with this, being pregnant you can never win, i didnt show with first one till after 20 weeks then out he popped, and so far at 15 weeks i still dont look and different, i relise i am very luck here and my heart goes out to all the amazing women who deal with the constant bombardment of questions, when it's no bodies business but theirs, HEAR HEAR to the dont ask, and only comment once told and asked for an opinion

Hear! Hear!

LOL I'm still surprised that no one in work has asked me yet but maybe they think I just ate too much over Christmas. I'd never ask someone just in case, wait until they tell you. It steals their glory in spreading the news too. (I plan to announce my news on Friday)

 rotfl - this cracks me up!  I used to weigh 115kg and quite a bit of it was tummy, and I ALWAYS got asked by strangers when I was due.  Whilst it hurt my feelings the first couple of times, I then got over it and used it as an opportunity to have a giggle and get creative in my responses!

if I only read this sooner.  I had bad foot in mouth disease today.  I still feel horrible.  Was at kindergym today when I was approached as to how long I had left (I am actually pregnant) I then told her then asked if she was pregnant She was not fat at all, which is why I asked cos she had a little tum.  And she of course said no.  Oh my god I felt so terrible, poor girl.  I left straight after that red faced. 

Fantastic advice there!

HILARIOUS!

Sadly, I've seen this happen in pretty much all instances to friends and myself (and I wasn't pregnant, just fat - GUTTED).

Of course, now that I am actually preggers, I don't look different in the slightest. Gr...

thanks for ur advice!

naomi

I just found this site because I was dying of regret having done this to a good friend tonight!  I thought I was sensitive by just asking if there was anything "new" in her life, but the way I did it she knew what I meant and she recoiled in shock, asking outloud (public setting) if I meant was she pregnant and how mean!!  We both wrote each other apologetic emails and it's okay now, but I know after reading this site and all the comments that I will NEVER even insinuate no matter how close I am to someone.  So many, many reasons not to!!  Thanks for your comments.

Number 4 is a big issue. It's happened to my wife and I, and I know others as well. It takes a long time to recover from losing a baby, much longer than it takes for the woman's body to return to shape. It's not so much the 'fat' thing as the reminder that there's no baby, and that she's no longer pregnant.

People will tell you when they're pregnant. Most times they're bursting to tell you. If they haven't said they're pregnant it's best to assume that they're not. If they're not so keen to share that it's blurted out then the chances are good that they're either not, or there's something that they don't want to talk about. A little sensitivity is a good idea.

I didn't read all of the comments, but I get asked if I'm pregnant the moment I mention I don't feel well. If I feel woozy or nauseated or something. "ARE YOU PREGNANT?" NO. Asking a woman if she's pregnant makes several assumptions:

- that she wants to be pregnant/wants kids or SHOULD want kids

- that she's in a good relationship with her fella

- that she and her partner don't have any problems with infertility

- that I'm not one of those women who doesn't tell anyone in the first trimester

- that I'm so chummy with the person that I'll just tell them all sorts of personal things, or that my personal life is their business

I think it's presumptuous and highly rude to speculate on the contents of my uterus, the status of my relationship, me and my partner's feeling on having children, or that I don't mind sharing personal info with whoever comes along, just because I've eaten a bad ham sandwich or something. Friends may ask politely in private -- they know when to do that. Strangers, acquaintances, barely-known work people should NOT be assuming they have the right to know so much.

I recently got serious with a gal who asked me that, publicly, on Facebook of all places, in front of the whole world. While my relationship with my husband is great and I have no reason to think we're infertile, I listed all the reasons above as WHY SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE ASKED THAT IN PUBLIC. She made me feel naked in front of everyone! I felt horribly affronted.

MY uterus? MY business.

Definitely true!  A lady I work with had gastric bypass surgery and didn't tell anyone.  When she came back to work after summer vacation (we are teachers) she had a very swollen belly (she looked about 6 months pregnant)  The rumors began to fly.  I just assumed she was pregnant. She stayed the same size all year and finally I figured she couldn't be pregnant because surely she would be about 15 months pregnant if she was.  Finally I had to know.  I asked a coworker and she told me about the surgery.  I came so close to asking this woman if she was pregnant.  How embarrassing would that have been....."No I'm not pregnant, I just had gastric bypass and didn't want anyone to know........"

This is so true! i work at a doctor's surgery so even if a patient is about to POP i know nothing! unless they tell me i dont know whats going on...also we've had a few pts lose their babies very sad so that doesn't put either of us in an awkward position...and also as a medical receptionist its my job to support not to stick my nose in! as in my job i do outside of work a woman might knock me over with her belly but i dont know anything lol when i was 14 i asked my mums friend when her baby was due...and she wasn't pregnant it was so awful i felt so bad! never again have i commented on anyone i think or know is pregnant till they spill the beans and also its their place to let everyone know their happy news =)

First I would like to say - thanks to all who have posted replies and for the intial thread - it made me remember what over the years I had forgotten. Having been in many of the positions listed above, I understand (and remember) the stuned looks I am sure I gave over comments made.

Now all of my children are grown and gone,I did "forget",what was like for me over 20 years ago but now it is with a child who you wonder on - but instead of asking, I am going to allow her to tell us in her time and save myself the ackward situation I would be putting myself into. Could be they are enjoying the blessing on their own for now.

I also agree!  I spent my entire third trimester trying to ignore rude questions.  Are you pregnant?  Oh, are you crazy?  Don't you already have your hands full? Can I feel your belly? (Do I know you?)  Do you know what you're getting yourself into?   It was only my third for goodness sake!!  And after I had given birth to him, he had severe jaundice, so I had to bring him to the hospital every day for 10 days.  When he was three days old, my mom was walking him so I could sit down, and these people said, "oh, when are you due".  I told them that  baby was three days old and they exclaimed, "wow, your stomach is still so big!".  I was mortified.  I mean, what did they expect?  9 months of baby belly to just dissolve?  I managed to bite my tongue, get up, and waddle away!!

I agree! There are just so many things that it could be. But at the same time being asked if you are going to have any more children when i am 32 weeks pregnant was a little upsetting as well! How big does she think i am normally???
And especially if you dont really know the person, unless they speak about it there is really no reason to bring it up!

I agree!  Been on the receiving end a few times.  Had to laugh recently though when a friend announced she was pregnant - six montths!  "I can't believe none of you had noticed - it's a bit obvious!"  We all thought the same thing - we may notice but you never ask!

Lol I'm with you!

I had recently had a c-section and was in a store buying newborn diapers with my 6 week son in his pram when the cashier asked me when I was due....HELLO!!! I was gutted as I didn't realise I was still that big  

Lorna

With my first pregnancy i would have loved anyone to ask. The day i was leaving work to have the baby i actually told a regular customer that today was my last day and they asked me why i was leaving. I think that can also be embarrassing too.

Great artical. Very lighthearted

Yeah Im 29 weeks pregnant and people can be so rude sometimes, its amazing how your weight gain is suddenly their business, Ive had some comments that I have just shaken my head at like hmm your getting large are you having a baby? (Thinking) Well I think its a baby or it could be and elephant......I'm quite surprised that most of the comments have been from other mothers I think we should all be educated in how to speak to a pregnant women. So great advice lightbee.......

I agree, especially soon after you have given birth and still look 5 months pregnant because it all hasn't gone done.  I wonder if mine ever will.

i agree, i have been asked numerous times by strangers if i am-this has occured before and after i was pregnant,as i've alway has a bit of a belly. in the end i stopped getting embarrased and hoped more i embarrased the person asking me!!

I can't believe the amount of people who are confident in asking a woman if she's pregnant. With my 1st, I was still working and some customers would actually ask me if I was and how far along I was! What if I wasn't pregnant? How would they fix that up?!

You forgot also..

"NEVER PAT A PREGNANT WOMAN ON THE BELLY WITH OUT ASKING FIRST"  realated or not... :)

If you have ever seen a certain episode of "Frasier" then you definately should never broach this subject (or offer your seat on the bus) ... as it could actually turn out to be a bloke!!

Absolutely!!

lol xxxx.

haha great advice..
and with a piece of comedy too ! hehe

xox

Great advice.  Sadly it is awareness of being pregnant that makes us tactful to others who are going through what we have (recently) been through.  As time goes on, somehow many women forget how annoying those questions were - or figure that since they have been there then they have rights above anyone else to ask.  Just wait though, I know this right now, but I bet there will come a time when I too put my foot in it - just hope it is not with anyone who reads what I have written here!!!
Peace
EF.x 

This season and last season those flow-y dresses which hang from the bust are in fashion - it looks like everyone is wearing maternity dresses! My man almost asked a friend of mine about her (non existant) 'pregnancy', then remember the golden rule and didn't ask - thank goodness. She was wearing one of these dresses; it was just the way it fell.

Must make it easier to find nice clothes if are actually pregnant at the moment I guess!

this is great advice, and i agree that you should never ever ask any women if they are or not, cause the last thing that you want to do is upset someone and then you end up been the one with egg on your face, thanks for sharing you wonderful advice with us

hugs and kisses

I totally agree! As someone who has had that happen many,many times when not pregnant it is so embarassing. I am a person who's main weight goes to my belly so even when I am not pregnant I have a belly. I have also been through having my first baby son die in labour and then have people ask me in the following weeks when I was due and then have to explain that my baby died. I had no problem talking about him I just hated the way people reacted to me when I told them like I had the plague or something and quickly say goodbye, I know they felt bad but its worse when they run off.

I do just think it is rude to ask this question because what if the lady is not pregnant! I actually am pregnant again now but my belly already looks further along then I am because i had a belly already. Now I will just have to endure for the third pregnancy "Are you sure you aren't having twins"? and "You are so huge", other comments people should not say!

They could have a problem like me and just be severely bloated when menstrating - makes me look 6 to 7 months pregs when it gets bad.

They could be like my Mum and have a severe hernia, which made her look about 7 months pregs.  Or my Dad, same problem, looked 9 months preg.

They could have some other medical condition causing their stomach to look rounded. 

Or they might just have a classic beer gut.

Either way, it's a bit insensitive.  If they want us to know, they will tell us.

I would never ask i know that my SIL has been asked and she is not pregnant and it is embarressing from you and the person you are asking if they are not pregnant.

As per one of the other comments i didnt carry very big at all and lots of people asking me how far i would say 7 mths and they would say you dont even look pregnant. After a while just feels a bit depressing when you feel that pregnant, i felt big even if i didnt look it. 

I am getting fed up with comments that I will be pregnant again by next year as i want to enjoy the baby i have now and not think about another one yet!

few weeks ago I went shoping and met 2 family friends (mother and daughter) and we spoked for a min and after we moved on I thout Oh my god they think I am pregnant what gave them that idea. they kept saying thinks like I am about to have a baby "what he does not like to have a hearcut oh but this one will" sort of things. if someone is pregnant you will know it if you need to ask then you dont need to know, and if someone looks pregnant than why ask "I you pregnant?" oh no I just like pooting 20kg in 9 months than have liposaction.

You are totally right. After the birth of my daughter, at my six weekly (am I healed up enough to start enjoying conjugal relations - enjoying being the operative word) check-up with the local GP I was asked by the secretary when my baby was due.  This woman wasn't particularly bright as I did have my baby in a pram with me but, to her credit, the pram was concealed behind the counter unlike, it would appear, the mound of post-birth belly still wobbling about in front of me! How did I feel?  Fat and unnatractive.  The last thing I needed really.