A certainty? or an option?

I dont know if this will help people whose children are getting to this stage or not, but it may help some avoid it.  When E got to this stage we didnt have tantrums or difficulties like I saw in the shops this past

From the day she was born I talked with her.  I conversed - everyday stuff, sometimes the book I was reading, sometimes what was on telly, anything really.  What was happening in the family.  As a single parent it gave me a way to talk to myself without feeling stupid as there was noone else to talk to about many things.  I have always used logic to rationalise what I am saying and doing in case others disagree or want to take a different route.  I believe that if a compromise is needed then a rational logical path can be explained and a decision is easier reached. 

So with E I have always explained things.  Usually in more detail than she can understand, and although I use 'adult' or proper language i dont use complicated words.  I just tell it as it is.  There are times I give her everything that she wants.  At the same time we have no money really to buy nice things, so when we walk around the shops - she is such a shopper! - she touches things she likes, sometimes (rarely) picks things up.  I gently look at her, tell her to put things down and she does it nicely.  We have done this since she was about a year old.  She never complains or walks out of a shop crying.  Actually, I think there was one time when we were with my Mum and Dad that she shed a tear. 

I know that if I give her a 100% attention 30 seconds cuddle/romp on the floor etc i will get 30-45 mins of peace and quiet to work online, cook, clean the house do what I need to do.  Then she will come for another cuddle and I do it again and she is gone again for ages.  She is very good at entertaining herself.  Sometimes she will ask for the telly on, or off(!), a DVD or a particular toy or activity that she cannot reach on her own.  When I have the time we spend time playing together - at least once a day we just play for a while - but bear in mind that I am there 24/7. 

At about 15 months she started walking into town beside the buggy.  It is about a mile.  I would let her walk or go in the buggy as she chose - we always had plenty of time and I was in no hurry.  If I was in a hurry she went in the buggy - no complaint, she knew we needed to be someplace fast.  If she was tired, or unwell and it was going to make something like a tantrum possibly happen - we wouldnt go.  I would postpone appts, I would change plans - most of life is flexible if we let it be.  By making life less about what we have to do and more about what we want to do we actually achieve a lot lot more.  There are so many aspects of life where she knew that there was a reason she had to be good and quiet, but the rest of the time we laugh, play and have fun - because if I cannot do that for her then what am I doing for her. 

I know, it is easy for me as a non-working single mother right?  So you are the mother/father of a working parents family and you dont et to have that time....so you make it happen.  You plan it.  You make your child feel a billion dollars - not with gifts and stuff, but with time and attention.  Read them stories....so to the park, sit in a tree, by the lake, and read the book instead of being at home.  Yes.  You are tired and yes, you really dont want to have to bother - do it once.  It will make all the difference to your child.  You can refer back to it all the time, what fun you had together.  Find different things that you can do together.  Then add a twist to it. 

My favourite thing is taking E for a walk in her grubby old clothes that she detests to put on and her gummies, we walk down the road and she jumps in every puddle we see.  Other kids look so envious, and mothers disapproving.  But I dont care!  This is our time and we are doing something fun, and because of the disapproval of other mums and the envy of other kids it adds spice!  Sometimes we only go to te shops - a mere 100 yds, other times we go wherever we fancy to go.  Also it is hyping the situation up a little bit.  Not too much to get her over-excited.  But enough to add magic and a buzz. 

I intend to take her to the park at 4:30pm sometime in the near future.  It is dark here then, we have never yet been to the park in the dark.  She can have a different experience there.  I think she is old enough now to appreciate that.  At this young age it is the excitement, the mystery, the special feeling they get when they do something with you that makes something special or ordinary, magical and memorable or just another day as a kid. 

So how do I get rid of 'terrible twos'? From a young age I spoke to her, even though she couldnt understand - it worked.  She has an incredible vocabulary now too!  I distract her, make her feel like she is everything to me and listen to her when she speaks.  (If i remember, sometimes i am pre-occupied which is awful).  I invent things to make the ordinary extraordinary in a way that appeals to her as an individual.  Today we were having pink salmon for lunch.  I showed her it was pink and gave her a cheeky taste before it was dished up.  She loved it because it was pink and because the taste was in secret and cheeky.  Simple as that.  She also fed herself all her lunch and raced everyone to finish!  Usually she needs a helping hand with last 2 or 3 mouthfuls. 

Finally I never let anyone, ever call her 'terror' or 'horror' or anything negative as a nickname.  Speak good into your children and it will make a difference.  Make sure others do it too - every negative word counts for 100 good words or something.  Think about the times someone tells you that you are smelly, or stupid, or daft.  It pricks slightly.  aAnd it will take ten or 20 kind words of encouragement to boost your esteem again.  And that is without telling yourself positive things, which children dont know how to do.

I hope this triggers memories for some already been there and provides ideas for some going through it, or not as the case may be, and for those with babies - dont accept it as a must stage to go through.  For some children it is inevitable, because we are all different, and should I have another I will likely be in Minti Q&A screaming for ideas cuz each child is different and I will need to attune myself to my next child to work with as I have with E. 
What did other people do who didnt experience the 'Terrible Twos'?
What did other people do who did experience them to get around them and make life carry on with some semblence of normalcy?

I hope this helps
Peace
EF.x