At some point in time we have, or will be, approached by our children questioning why some people look different. This was something I experienced with my eldest daughter on her first day at kindergarten. While placing Kat's kindy bag in her allocated spot she tugged on my top and
whispered,
"Mummy, that little boy is broken, his eyes wont open". Looking over my shoulder I spotted the 'broken boy' my daughter was so worried about. His Asian appearance, his gorgeous brown eyes that were not shaped the same as hers, were what justified her concern. I smiled and knelt down to explain this 'new' phenomenon to her when I noticed another parent looking down at us, horrified by my daughters question. Horrified that I smiled, horrified that I had not told Kat to be quiet and horrified that I had the audacity to explain to my 4 year old the difference between cultures in a public place. A quick thought raced through my head and I decided to continue despite the set of eyes glaring down at me.
I didn't quite understand what problem this woman had, except for maybe she was embarrassed by this question. I have seen this many times while shopping or out and about. A child innocently asks why someone looks different and the parent quickly changes the subject, hushes the child or scolds them while telling them that it is rude to ask such a thing. Very rarely have I seen a parent explain it though, very rarely have I seen a parent explain why they believe it is rude to discuss it and although I do understand some parents would become embarrassed it really shouldn't be the case.
The stages of a Child's learning process includes acknowledging the difference between themselves and others. We begin teaching this at an early age and by pointing out noses, hands and feet, then asking where's 'mummy's nose' and 'where's your nose' and so on. This encourages a child to look for differences between themselves and their parents and then other people. They compare the size of mummy or daddy's nose with Uncle Georges, who may have a slightly bigger one. One which they will most definitely openly point out to all who will listen and to the dismay of Uncle George, who may have thought no one ever noticed.This will normally be followed by a child asking their playmate, who may be of different origin to them, why their 'skin is different' or why they have 'funny shaped eyes'.
Like with the adult who was ears-dropping on my conversation with Kat, some adults will perceive these questions as rude, a form of racist upbringing or consider it a racial slur. However, this is not the case. These are innocent questions asked by children who are learning about diversity in the world they live and it is, more often than not, the adults mind, way of thinking or opinion that perceives these questions as other wise. It is important that your child know that it is ok to ask these questions, just as it is important for you to answer them honestly and in terms that best suit your child and his/her age.
When explaining these differences to my daughter I did so by first pointing out boys and girls to her. She already knew that there were two types of people, male and female, I just explored this a litter further by explaining that these differences don't just stop there. That, just as with girls and boys, you can see some differences in people, like with skin, hair and eyes. That it is these things that make each of us unique.
When explaining skin colour a little later on, I used crayons to illustrate the point. That no matter what colour you are, we are still made up of the same things. I coloured sections of white paper in different colours and then went over them with a different shade. When a colour changed with each stroke I made, like with yellow and red making green, Kat began to understand what I was saying. Both of us had the same piece of white paper, both of us had crayons but depending on what one we used, we ended up with different colours. Kat's reply to me when we were doing this was,"
everyone are crayons hey mum". Kat understood that no matter what colour we are, we are all people.
Just like the crayons, no matter what colour we used, they were all crayons. She understood that each colour crayon was just as important as the next and that to make up these great and beautiful shades of colour you had to use everyone one of them. Just as she understood that each person was as important as the next and that we are made up of different things, different coloured crayons, but at the end of the day.....we are just crayons in a box making up lots of great colours...
Meri Wallace wrote an article for the
Sesame Street website that encourages parents to discuss this subject with children openly and responsibly while offering such advice as, Responding to other people's
'biased behaviour's.
Wallace suggests that if a family member or a neighbour repeats an
'ethnic joke' or makes a
'racial slur' in front of your child to confront the person straight away. She suggests enforcing the issue by saying,
"When you talk like that, it makes me uncomfortable," or, "Please don't use that word again."
Taking a stand such as this and in front of your child will help him/her to learn that this is not acceptable and to maybe
'speak out against prejudice'. Saying nothing only encourages silence and this is possibly what your child will take on too.
Every little thing we do, every little comment we make, even the ones we don't make, have an impact on the way our children behave and think. Although we live in a multicultural society racism still exists. Learning to discuss this with our children will help overcome barriers and discourage any forms of racism in our children. Although we have some control over what is said in our homes and when we are with our children, we don't have this same control when they begin school. This is why it is important to teach them how to respond when you are not there. Give them the tools to be able to cope, it will make a difference and teach others that even littlest won't tolerate it......
(December 2006) (
