Eternal vigilance is the only way to protect your child from child sexual abuse.  And even then, you may not suceed.  Paedophile registers and the like are doomed to failure and there is a very simple reason for that: this sort of enemy almost inevitably lies within. 

As a Prosecutor I have literallly seen hundreds and hundreds of these cases.  There are a number of things to note about these cases. 

Firstly, not all child sexual offenders are paedophiles.  Most in fact aren't.  In contrast to somebody who has recurrent fantasies and a particular predilection to children, most child sexual offenders abuse children simply because they are soft targets - because they can, that is.

Secondly, most of the child sexual abusers are people who parents have unwittingly invited into their inner circle - whether they be a parent, partners of the parent, neighbours who come over regularly for barbecues, a member of the local church, relatives, other friends etc.  Sad, but true.

Thirdly, child sexual abusers have the appearance of every body else in this world and there is no way of telling one on sight. 

Fourthly, child sexual abusers have a tendency to appear to be charming and confident around children.  They exude confidence and parents often feel comfortable with them. 

Fithly, a surprising amount of child victims do not discuss what is happening to them with anyone.  This is irrespective of the quality of the relationship they have with their parents. 

Sixthly, children can be acclimatised to sexual abuse and become "willing" parties in the abuse.  This makes detection even harder. 

Lastly, the public knows so little about this area because of suppresion orders which are put in place to protect the victims of the abuser.  This is sad in a way because all we hear about are high profile cases which misrepresent what the problem actually is.  I have sat and spoken to so many victims - people whose lives have been torn apart, not simply because they have discovered that their child has been abused, but also because they feel responsible that the abuser was a person who was trusted by them: someone inside their inner circle.

I will never forget the forty year old man who broke down and cried in the witness stand because he had walked in on his own father (the grandfather) sexually molesting his severely disabled daughter during a family function.  This girl was so disabled she couldn't speak.  There was no way of knowing what had happened to her or how long it had been going on for.  The grandmother sat in court, resolutely, by her husband - willing, it would seem, to forego her relationship with her son and other grandchildren in order to support the man who molested her grandaughter. Why this case touched me so much I find hard to pin point.  I have come across far more devastating examples of abuse.  I think, however, it was the image of this broken man.  This loving father whose only "mistake" was to leave his disabled daughter with his own trusted parents.  This loving father whose children have lost both of their grandparents (the grandfather did not molest the children capable of speaking).  This loving, devoted father who has never and probably will never be able to forget the image of his daughter being molested by his own father.  And, even more touching, when this father got off the witness stand and collapsed in his seat next to his wife, the proud woman put her arms around him and squeezed him tight.  Despite the travesty that had been dealt on her family she was able to seperate her husband (the son) from his abusive father.  What a tight-knit family they had.  Even tight-knit families and phenomenal parents can (and do) fall victim to child sexual abusers.

The only way to protect your child is eternal vigilance.  And even then, I stress, you may not be able to. 

If only to give you some sense of control over your child's safety, however, here are some things that you can do:

- Always know where your child is and who they are with.

- Make it a policy of dropping in at random no-matter where your child spends time and whether it is acceptable to the person caring for them or not.

- Don't let your child stay out until they can communicate with you effectively. This includes at the houses of family members unless you have the uptmost confidence in them.  (Please note that just because your uncle for instance did not molest you does not mean he cannot molest your child - you may have been the wrong sex or he may just have lacked the opportunity). Make sure you have 100% confidence in this person before leaving your child overnight with them.

- Everytime your child has a bath or shower note their bodies and any new marks they might have.  Get into the habit of talking about any marks even if you know that they were caused by falling off a bike etc.  It normalises that type of conversation.

- Teach your children that no secret that feels bad is a secret worth keeping.

- Pay attention if your child exhibits any unusual behaviour, particularly sexual behaviour and seems to know more than they should.

- Single mothers beware - if you have not read Nabakov's Lolita then pick up a copy and take note. You need to be extra careful. Parents who have seperated and whose children go on access visits are also extra vulnerable for a similar reason.  

- Always be wary of adults who want to spend time alone with your child.  Most of the time they will have innocent motives.  But be wary.  Why can't they interact with your child around you?

- Teach Body Pride: "My body's nobody's body but Mine.  You've got yours, so let me have Mine!"

- Be extra wary letting down your guard at child-centred venues or activities e.g Scouts, children's youth groups etc.  These places attract adults who are interested in children. 

- Please note that people who are regularly prosecuted for child sexual offences include teachers, paediatricians, social workers, psychologists and counsellors, kindergarten teachers, creche workers, scout leaders, members of the clergy, youth workers and so on.

- If your child does report abuse to you do not under any circumstances confront the abuser.  Don't even make a phone call to ask them whether or not it happened.  A complaint has been made by your child.  Your job is to believe your child. Go straight to the police. They will investigate.  Try to be as calm as possible because you do not want your child feeling like that they have just caused a volcano to erupt.  But say to them with no amount of equivocation: what has happened to you is wrong.  This should not have happened to you.

- After a child has been abused do not expose them to the abuser again.  (You will be suprised how many people do this.  The abuser is a member of the family and the parent does not want to be seen to be creating a rift or other members of the family are defensive about it and don't believe the child - so the parent monitors their child around the abuser but, otherwise, things go on as normal).  This is an absolute no-no. This totally sends the wrong message to the child.

- Do not let your guard down just because a child seems to have a great relationship with an adult.  Not all children respond to child sexual abuse with fear.  Some feel honoured that they have been chosen and special. 

- At the same time, try not to be so vigilant that you deny your children important relationships with other people.  It's a hard balance to achieve, I know, but all children are entitled to have several special relationships in their lives.

This is a topic which , in truth, I don't like to talk about often.  It is one of the most distressing aspects of my work and where I can, I try not to think about it.  I really did feel, however, that a little bit of an insider's insight may just make the difference to somebody's life. 

p.s. I haven't written anything about internet predators because this is really a whole other topic but you may want to be monitoring your child's computer time as well.  Internet predators are on the rise - so much so - that the Federal Police are simply unable to keep up with them. 

So long.  I hope someone finds this helpful.