Scold.. but don't berate your children

Some brilliant advice. If parents don't make their children feel loved then who will....

I agree totally great article

 Lexi xxx

I fully agree with what you are saying in your article. Children are very important and they need guidance from us as parents. WE need to tlk to them with respect and they will follow suit I think. If you have lots of good influences around you and take a healthy interests in your childs life then that is a start.

humiliation and degradation isnt forgotten when so young....a lesson I have had to teach my DH

I have a cousin who was fostered into our family.  And I believe that he did not get the right treatment growing up. I do not know his full history. But what I do know is that he was born to a mother addicted of something, which I believe made him a bit slower then the average child.

He has a sister (so to speak she too was fostered into the family). Now from what I have seen and heard the boy gets treated very differently to the girl. I know this for a fact because the boy was riding around on his bike with out a helmet. My father called over to mother number one (no this is not a lesbian couple), and said don't you have a rule about bike helmets.  She in turn yelled at the boy to put on his helmet or get off his bike at least words to those effects... Later that day I saw the girl doing exactly the same thing, so I leaned over to mother number one and said "don't you have a rule about helmets?"  She said yes we do. Then about five minutes later she said nicely to the girl "be careful when you ride you don't have your helmet on...

I could not believe the difference in these children is amazing. Yes the boy has issues but I believe they could have been dealt with at a young age had he have had the right attention he needed and if he was treated exactly the same as the girl. Now she too has issues of her own that I won't go into but you can see it is obvious that the name of mother number one strikes fear into the boy as he was being a pain in the bum.. He actually told me that he was being a smart ass to my face because he wanted to be. I warned him that he should not even try, but he continued.. I then decided to call out mother number ones name and my god you should have seen the look in this boys eyes. If he was not being such a pain in the bum in the first place I would have felt sorry for him. You could see the fear in his face.  The comment has actually been made to me that by some one in my family that she believes that he is going to kill her some day.
(ROBYNM, It was not your sisters or my parents that made this comment). I hope this does not actually come true but this kid does look like he has a lot of anger in him due to the way he is treated... I have seen mother number one actually try to hit him, but he was a bit to fast this time. I have been told that things she has done could be reported. I don't know why it has not been done.  But as I have not seen it myself, there is not much I can do about it...

My point is, the way we act towards our children can have a dire effect on them, be it a glare, smack on the bum, or as said above telling them they are idiots, these things stick with the kids and mold them.

well said - to often we fall on the spare of the moment & out pops a really hurtful word or action. How easy it is to forget that it stays with the kids for life. Words are so very powerful - Thanks for sharing & reminding us that we need to think before we put our mouths into gear.

 

If i have to tell my child off, i do it in front of everyone, but i tell her off quietly, so she's not humiliated etc. I don't like to humiliate my daughter, and totally agree with you there about the feelings in the children, that they're still fragile etc.

I try to address the behaviour not my son. Like that was silly behaviour not you are being stupid ... it seems to work without being a hit to his self esteem. I was berated by my husband for years and I can tell you it does not work it demolishes self esteem in an adult imagine what it does to a childs

It trully is unnecessary to treat a child this way. They are going to make mistakes and need discipline, but there is no reason to be mean about it. A lot of times children say things b/c they don't realize not to be that honest and that they can hurt someones feelings. You have to teach them in a nice and respectful way. Good Advice!!!

Beautifully stated!

Couldn't agree more.
Even seeing the way some parents speak to their kids upsets me. They deserve our respect. Saying please and thankyou can't be that difficult for an adult. I have also seen parents yell or discipline their child in front of visitors (ie. us) I can see the humilation in the child's face and certainly doesn't make me feel comfortable .

It is truly awful when it happens and I know how uncomfortable it was for you, lets hope it was a one off caused by some unknown stress, a reason not an excuse; everyone makes mistakes and you're timely advice is one I applaud we all need reminders from time to time.

I couldnt agree with you more, and as you said, parents are the only people that children usually fully trust. Id hate for my kids not to hold me as the first person they trust, and although I wasnt there at the time so Im not saying she was abusing the child, in general, emotional abuse can sometimes be harder than physical abuse. Words definately cause deeper wounds than physical harm.

Thanks for this post.
My children usually know that when I give them 'the look' they know there is something we need to 'discuss' when we get home.
The tongue is mightier than the sword, I was always taught. No child deserves to be humiliated and berated in public or in private. Harsh words  are the worst thing to recover from, it hightens and hits your insecurities and makes you feel an utter failure.
You can correct your child without ever making them feel stupid! and definitely rob them of their self esteem by making them feel bad in front of others.

This is so important and so true!!!  It is sometimes hard to keep perspective, and although I dont manage everytime I try to be calm and clear when I tell E off - which sometimes means that we both have some time out first....then I know that what I say are the correct wrods, not words of anger or that will harm and undermine her.

Words can harm.  Somewhere in the bible it says the tongue is like a two edged sword.  Words can be used to destroy, or to encourage.  We as parents must encourage because there is noone else who will do it for us, and once we do it our children will learn to do the same for themselves.

One negative word/statement can do more harm than one good one. This is a timely reminder to be aware of what we say and how we say it. 
Peace
EF.x 

I will remember to do that with Miss Cheeky Chops when she is older.
Great advice

Absolutely !!!!!  if there are people around and I need to speak to one of my kids I always call them away. Very well said
cheers
Angie

I totally agree....

The one thing I never did was tell my children off in front of someone. I would ask to speak to them privately or just give a look. 

I agree, we as parents should Validate not Violate children with words.....