Bad Behaviour, Not bad Child

As a child I always said that  when i grew up I would never tell my kids how bad they were and I would never treat my children the way that my parents treated myself and my siblings.  For the most part I have been able to keep to that but I have to shamefully admit that on occasion I have been so frustrated that I  have just boiled over.  As a child If we made mistakes or misbehaved WE were bad and so I grew up thinking that I was bad and with such a bad self esteem that I would never look anyone in the eye because I felt so inferior to them. It's only been through doing self esteem courses and counseling that I have been able to overcome this.

Of course I've grown up now and so have my children - nearly.   I have 3 girls 19, 16 and 15.  I'd like to share some things that I have learnt along the way.

1.  As the title says the child is NEVER  bad it's the behaviour that's bad
2. Never put them down,demean or berrate  them.
3. Encourage and uplft them every day, even when they throw it back in your face.
4. Give rewards for good behaviour. This can still work with teenagers with extra privileges. This could be something like more time spent on the computer. This one works for my children as they want to go on msn or Myspace to chat with their friends. This could work in reverse for bad behaviour - removal of privileges.
   
5. If their behaviour has been good, tell them!  Kids need to hear this kind of encouragement.
6. Hug them and tell them you love them at least once a day.
7. Try not to go to bed angry. This is Soooooo hard sometimes.
8. Remember, YOU are only  human. If you slip up give them a hug, a kiss and tell them that you love them and start again.
   

No two children respond the same to things. My eldest two know that they are loved and cared for whereas my youngest has a bad self esteem and we have had problems with her behaviour.  It's not easy being a parent and trying to get it right - but what is right. It could be a different thing for different children.