Post Natal Depression could you pick the signs

Have you ever been driving along and suddenly thought to yourself "What if I died right now?", or ever had any thoughts of wanting to just end it all (but not actually having the courage to do so), that your not a good mother that your family would be better off without you????    There are so many thoughts, feelings and hormones that run around in your head and body when you first have your baby that it hard to decipher them or where they are coming from.

A lot of women put it down to just being tired but this could be more detremental than good.    Post Natal Depression is a condition that affects so many women that a lot don't even realise that they have it.    When you are at the hospital there are lots of people there to help you, and for you to discuss things with.   We all get the 3 day blues.  It's not until we come home and are on our own with this little bundle that we so lovingly nurtured inside us for 9 months that the realisation and fear sets in.    Our little mite won't sleep or they aren't eating properly or they are just constantly crying and all you want to do is run away!!!!   Am I doing things the right way, is it my fault that they aren't sleeping, why can't I stop them crying????  Again a whole bunch of doubt and insecurity sets in.

Not all these feelings and self doubts mean that you have Post Natal Depression.   Sometimes in the begining it is just the normal transition from non-parent to parent.   It's when these feelings take a hold of you and are still present after the initial transition period and eat away at you.   It's when you can't smile at the funny little things they do because all you want to do is cry, when you want to lock yourself away from everyone because you feel like the worst mother in the world and it doesn't matter that the nurses and your family and friends are telling you that bubs is doing well and looking happy and healthy or even when you think to yourself someone else could do a better job with you than me.  Or even worse still in some very severe cases you do the one thing that you never thought you would do and you harm your child.   This is the time when you need to take a deep look inside yourself and ask yourself is there something wrong with me?   

Most of us manage our way through our insecurities and self doubt with the help of loving partners and family and friends but sometimes some of us are not so lucky to have that wonderful support network around us to help us through what really is the most life changing experiences of our lives PARENTHOOD!!!!!!

When I gave birth to my first child I was in a very different situation to the one I am in now.  I was married to a man I didn't love who always put me down but wouldn't let me leave.  He didn't even tell any of my friends that I had given birth.   I was alone with no car and all my friends lived quite a way away add to that the stress of our financial situation and it was a recipe for disaster.    I was sleep deprived, back then the community nurse didn't come out to your house in the first two weeks to see if you were ok.  My friends all worked and didn't like my then husband so they never came over to visit.   I would talk to them on the phone but I was too ashamed to let any of them know that anything was wrong.  So it festered inside of me eating away at the once happy go lucky person that I used to be.  My little girl didn't sleep, she wouldn't eat and all she did was cry all the time.  I was so sad that all I ever thought about was what would happen if I died, how wonderful everything would be, how easy it would be.    Only thing that stopped me from ever really doing anything was the fact that my little girl would be left alone with a man who I didn't believe would ever be a really good father or role model.

I thought if I left him then maybe things would get better, and they did for a little while, but I still could not get rid of the emotional wreck that I had become.   I tried councelling and I tried the anti-depressents but they didn't work.   I learnt to tell myself that I was good that I could make a difference and I learnt to open up to the people closest to me and tell them how I was feeling and to listen to what they said and believe in what they said.   It took 3 years for me to believe in myself again but another 2 to become the person I was before. 

It is not an easy thing to let people know that you are not coping with things in your life or even with being a mother.   The fact is that nowdays there are so many people we can turn to that we don't need to be ashamed or frightened to tell someone about it.   I was and it was the worst thing I ever did.  The sad fact is that if we don't acknowledge our feelings and insecurities then we run the risk of not only hurting ourselves mentally but those around us as well.    PND is preventable and curable it is not a disease as it was so readily called many years ago when women were locked up in mental asylums and taken away from their children.  It is as I said a condition and one that can be fixed if we only know ourselves and read the signs within ourselves.

I am happy to say that I have had two more children and NO Post Natal Depression and I put that down to being in a loving relationship with lots of loving and helpful friends around me.    So I thank them very much.