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 4.82 (Highly recommend) from 53 votes (2358 Visits) |
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How To Create a "Quiet Hour" When Your Toddler No Longer Naps |
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by jenlemen  (January 2007) (rank 22nd) |
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My sister Kris recently referenced our mother's brilliant Quiet Hour idea in a recent article. This reminded me of my days with toddlers who wouldn't nap. I was pulling my hair out with a newborn and a three year old when my mother suggested I teach Madeleine how to have a Quiet Hour. She might as well have been speaking Greek. I couldn't find a clean pair of pants to put on, let alone make my three year old do anything. But I was desperate, and I had a very curious, active toddler, so I figured it was worth the try. Over time, Madeleine learned how to play quietly on her own, and I got through those very difficult times with two little children under three.
- Start slow. I know very few toddlers that can do anything for an hour, so why not start with a focused 10 minutes and add time little by little? Right now, when I call for a Quiet Hour, my eight and five year old can disappear and play for hours, but we started with short periods of time, per my mother's wise instruction, and tried to help the kids stretch out the time in baby steps. After a few months both my kids could play quietly for anywhere from forty minutes to an hour or more.
- Same time, same place. Once your Quiet Hour is established, you can use it anytime, anywhere, but in the beginning, it's best to make your Quiet Hour as regular as possible. When Madeleine was two, we started having our Quiet Hour on her big futon bed on the floor of her sunny yellow bedroom. She liked playing in that room, and didn't mind the routine once she knew she knew this was something we were going to do somewhat regularly. My mother could see that I was the one in need of a break, even if Madeleine no longer needed a nap, so she encouraged me to institute the quiet hour during the hardest part of my afternoon.
- Simple guidelines, apply daily. You don't want to be too strict about this, and by all means do not punish or scold your child if it takes her awhile to get with the program. The most important thing is to keep the rules simple and to be consistent. In our house, the main rule of quiet hour was that you had to be quiet. This might be obvious, but quiet gets a very liberal interpretation to most little kids I know! Make no exceptions, and keep the focus on the quietest play possible. Running, singing loudly in an operatic voice, shrieking during pretend play or wailing were all banned Quiet Hour behaviors.
- Supplies are everything. It's unfair to ask little children to be quiet unless we're going to provide interesting, age-appropriate activities that engage their interest. I wouldn't go overboard, since part of the point of this exercise is to encourage independent play, but I did offer Madeleine books, stickers, puzzles, lacing cards or little toys to keep her creativity flowing. Anything requiring headphones was a huge hit. These items should be things reserved for Quiet Hour only and should be rotated every so often so no one gets bored. Put them somewhere in sight but out of reach. Throughout the day you can refer to these enticing items and mention how enjoyable it will be to play with them when Quiet Hour finally arrives. Don't offer any item that requires close supervision or can be used to make a gigantic mess. (For this reason, you might reconsider markers or play dough.)
- Coaching required. Some little children will have a very hard doing this kind of play out of mom's direct line of vision. If this is the case, institute your Quiet Hour on the floor beside your bed or somewhere near Mom or Dad's favorite lounging station! By three or four, your child should be able to play quietly in a room alone, so work towards this goal by gently redirecting them back to the play and reassuring her that you'll be together again when quiet hour is over. This might take some effort, but as a mother of a an eight and five year old, I can assure you it is bliss to be able to call "Quiet Hour!" whenever I'm starting to lose it and have my kids know exactly what to do. At this point in our family, they really need this down time to recharge from the flurry of activities.
- Smile everyone. If you're hissing at your kids, saying, "I SAID it's QUIET HOUR!!" through clenched teeth, your kids will immediately move into anarchy mode. Do the best you can to keep this time low key and positive. If you find yourself feeling incredibly desperate for this thing to work, it's time to schedule out of the house time once your partner comes home instead. I learned this one the hard way!
- Save the best for last. This won't work with every child, but some kids are highly motivated to be quiet during quiet hour if they think something exciting is happening afterward. Believe it or not, most children find play with a parent to be the best incentive of all. Make plans to go to the park, cook dinner together or tell knock-knock jokes. Some kids can do anything if they know they get to be with you in a meaningful way later in the day. Since self-control is a huge developmental challenge for little children, use a timer and remember to start out slow (just ten minutes to start) and gradually increase the time as your child gets used to playing alone.
One last thought. If you have very little children, seriously consider delaying their introduction to TV watching until they are older. In my experience, it's much easier to introduce independent playtime when you're not competing with the wonders of television. Both my kids learned how to play for long periods of time as very little children, and I think limiting their exposure to television really, really helped.
All feedback--positive and differences of opinion!--welcome in the comments below. |
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| ADVICE RATING |
4.82 (Highly recommend) from 53 votes |
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 Related keywords: age-appropriate, hour, independent, naps, play, quiet, rest, toddler, toddlers
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