Childhood Scars

I really try to be careful with Breanna and the way I speak to her,I also watch how her Father  and  I interact in front of her.I have had 2 phone calls in a week from my mum..........for us this is unusual,I came from a truly sad and at times violent child hood.I do hold resentment toward my parents for my lost childhood I try on a daily basis to forgive them and get over it but flashes from the past just keep haunting me.The way we treat our children has such a huge bearing on the way they grow into adults and in turn how they conduct themselves as parents.

When children go through their childhood combating a myriad of traumatic circumstances,sometimes there are heartbreaking ramifications,these poor children can become pedophiles,rapists,abusers,thieves the list is endless.Don't get me wrong sometimes our kids turn out on the wrong side of the law regardless and vice versa I just know there are days for me where I can just here my parents spewing forth out of me and it takes all my strength to reign myself back in.You can shoot down a child's confidence with just a look,crush their individuality with a careless phrase.....

What seems like a harmless burst of temper can actually remain in our children's mind and hearts through into their adulthood.I have also come across a problem in regard to my Mum and the past this week......She absolutely refuses to acknowledge a lot of what went on in my childhood???? I don't need to hear her repent all her sins of the past,I don't even begin to need her to talk about it.What I do need is for her to at least not deny it,it is very condescending to be told things you knew happened as a child in turn did not !!!!!! I have realized there is nothing I can do to make Mum face up and own the truth,but I can protect myself from the hurt of her denial.

Each time she wants to stroll down memory lane I pull her up and respectfully say Mum you and I see things from a very different perspective so I choose not to discuss our past as we are now in the present.I may not be able to forget the past but I can control the hurtful way my Mum belittles it.I know the way she has chosen to deal with it is to bandaid her own guilt as a parent.What I can do is make sure I don't perpetuate the circle of my childhood,so I make sure my little girl feels secure ,confident and above all loved.I am not perfect and I have bad days,however I have a very real picture in my mind of how destructive poor parenting choices can be to a child.So this helps me be the best Mum I can be to my most precious gift of all.LOVE OUR KIDS THEY ARE OUR FUTURE regards Merle