Violence Towards Your Child

I'm quite taken aback by this so called advice. My son learnt to hit and snatch toys at a playgroup and I would be disgusted if another parent told him he was naughty and made him feel bad. I'm all for letting the parent know face to face but yelling things out for all to hear including the child can be quite detrimental in the end. If this particular child doesn't get reprimanded from their mother then they probably don't know they are doing anything wrong and getting at yelled by a stranger will only hurt that child more than help the situation. Age IS a factor. My son is not bad or nasty he doesn't even Know the meaning of the word. I always take my child away from the situation and let him know it's not the right thing to do. At such a young age it can not be called bullying because the child only knows what it wants and will not know how to deal with the situation and their feelings. these things are learnt and developed as they get older.

great advice

xoxo

Nice work, i agreee

it doesnt get any easier as the child gets older either. my daughter is in the 1st grade and there are two girls in her grade that like to bully the other kids. my daughter has come home many time and told me that these girls are constantly pushing her and her friends over and they are just plain nasty. one of the children even went as far as to tell my friends daughter that her mother would come and kill her and her mother if she dobbed on her (makes me wonder what sort of upbringing this child has). i have spoken to the teachers about this but as one of the girls is 'teachers pet' so to say nothing is done about it. i spoke to the principle and he went straight to the parents and told them this must stop.

i am all for giving children and their parents the benifit of the doubt and trying to sort things out in a civil nature but when it comes to your child being picked on constantly how can we be expected to sit back and watch. 

I agree wholeheartedly without dispute. Perfect answer, It's the mother who has a problem, she will hurt her child by allowing him to behave this way.

Me too. I had one at playgroup who didn't even watch her child. He would hit and kick and bite and stood on kids hands on purpose, he was 3. He bit my son the one day so I made a really big deal about moving my son away from him whenever he came near us. Saying "we are going to move away from this naughty boy". She doesn't come anymore finally and no one liked her. Parents should learn to control their children! It is normal for kids to do these things sometimes but when it is regular and the parents don't attempt to stop it it's just not right.

i totally agree with ur advice due to experience myself in this similar situation........

cheers na xx

wow, Did you talk with the organiser of the play group about his? I think you should before there is an all out battle. Seriously.

That is great advice.  I was bullied in High School and it can have a detrimental effect on you're perception of people as you get older.  Thankfully, so far, my child has not encountered this but I have spoken to her about it. 

My daughter is a gentle soul with a determined streak but she has never hurt another child intentionally and I don't think she's capable.  The odd occasions she has accidently hit another child, she has appologised straight away.

Glad to hear that someone has voiced this.

Michelle

Your advice is spot on. As a child I was bullied, and I can still remember so clearly how it felt. However, please if you do see a parent trying to follow Mel's advice, be as encouraging as possible even though your child has been upset.

I have a very physical big-for-her-age act-without-thinking daughter, and I think I really ought to have a T-shirt printed with "Sorry my child hurt your child" on the front and "naughty step NOW! You must play MORE GENTLY!" on the back. I have been saying these two things ad nauseum for nearly 3 years now, and she IS getting better. But we are starting to lose friends over it, which hurts a lot. She's not malicious, just rough. And for the record, I am more than happy to tell her off, especially if I am out of earshot or didnt see the misdemeanour. It scares her as she's not expecting it, whereas if mum says no, well, she's a bit immune to that, arent they all!

Some kids just take a long time to learn how to play properly, and have to learn the hard way. It is not always a sign of bad parenting.

worn out and weary,

Kathryn

I don't know why it has taken me so long to find this article....guess I'm getting a little slow in my minti age.

I love your attitude mel, I really do.....I just wish everyone had the same...

Top article!!

Lavinia

I agree with you. Some children just learn later (sometimes WAY later) that violence is not good. Some think of it as play and others just think it's mean. I believe it is the parents role to let their child know this behavior is not acceptable. Unfortunatley we have to always watch out for our children which includes watching others children at the same time.

One example is in the beginning my husbands children from his first marriage were both mean to my daughter who is older than them. They tear up her toys, steal from her, accuse her of things she didn't do, etc. Not so bad now but that is because I turned into a HAWK and watch every move. We can't always do that though so I know what you mean. Keep protecting that sweet baby!

~Kuri

You know what, if this mother is not disciplining her child I think you have EVERY RIGHT to say something to her child. Even something as mild as "No, don't do that you are hurting ---" may be enough. I would also make sure you say this loud enough for the mother to hear you so hopefully she will take notice.

I personally have no issue with telling other people's children off if their parents aren't especially if someone is being hurt and would fully support someone else telling off my children if I was unaware of what was happening.

Yeah - I'm one of those parents who tell other people's kids off. Communal Parenting I call it.

After all, reinforcing the messages of good parenting and community expectation is essential.

I cannot tolerate parents who sit back and seemingly allow their child to have free reign over your child. It is not only hurting your child, but setting them up to become bullies in later life. I am sure a child's behaviour (with exception of course to children with medically diagnosed behavioural difficulties, and even these ones can be encouraged to find alternative means of interacting etc) in school stems directly from parents' attitutes in allowing their children to be bossy and overbearing. It is not about them being assertive and confident, it is agression.

Good article, a heads up for the not so confident Mum's out there, and a reminder to the rest.

Thanks.