Child Temperement 101

A while back, I wrote an article on parenting styles (see www.minti.com/parenting-advice/1486/What-Is-Your-Parenting-Style/ ).  When I discuss parenting styles with parent groups, I always discuss child temperament.  But what exactly is child temperament?  When we think of temperament, most of us think about strong willed children, laid back children

In a nutshell, temperament is a set of in-born traits that organize a child's approach to the world and are instrumental in the development of the child's distinct personality.  These traits also determine how the child goes about learning about the world around him.   The key here is to remember that these traits are inborn.  We can't change them (as much as we would like to)!   By being aware of your child's temperament as well as your own parenting style, you may be able to head off some potential conflicts. 

Chess and Thomas identified nine characteristics that make up temperament.  Most of these are self-explanatory so I haven't described them in much depth but rather posed questions to help you determine how this trait fits your child.  I like to consider each of these traits as a continuum with most children falling in the middle and some scattered to either end.  It's late, so I hope that makes sense!  Let's get to it.  Here they are:

• Activity. Is your child always moving and doing something or does he have a more relaxed style? 
• Rhythmicity.  Is your child regular in his or her eating and sleeping habits or somewhat haphazard?  Some kids run like clockwork and others just don't seem to have any rhyme or reason.  I find that my kids can be very regular regarding somethings (like what time they get up) and irregular about others (like what time they go to bed).
• Approach/withdrawal.  Does your child approach unfamiliar people and places without inhibition or tend to shy away from new people or things? 
• Adaptability.  Does your child adjust to changes in routines or plans easily or does he or she resist transitions? 
• Intensity.  Does he react strongly to situations, either positive or negative, or does he react calmly and quietly?
• Mood.  Does your child often express a negative outlook or is he generally a positive person?  Does his mood change frequently or is he usually even tempered?
• Persistence and Attention Span.  Does he give up as soon as a problem arises with a task or does he keep trying?  Can he stick with an activity for a long time or does his mind tend to wander?
• Distractibility.  Is he easily distracted from what he is doing or can he shut out external distractions and stay with the current activity?
• Sensory Threshold.  Is he bothered by external stimuli such as loud noises, bright lights or food textures or does he tend to ignore them?

According to the research, these traits combine to form three basic types of temperaments:

• The first type is the easy or flexible child.  Approximately 40% of children fall into this category.  These children are generally calm, happy, regular in their sleep and eating habits and do not get upset easily.  They are also very adaptable.  All right, who are the lucky parents out there with one of these kids?!  Ahem, sorry.  Where was I?  Oh yes, despite these children being easy in nature, it is important for parents to set aside special times to talk about the child's frustrations and hurts because he won't demand or ask for it.  This intentional communication is necessary to find out what these kids are thinking.
• The next group are the difficult, active or feisty children which comprise approximately 10% of children. I must say that this number seems quite low based on all the parents I have met over the years who have described their children as "difficult."  These children are often fussy, irregular in feeding and sleeping habits, and fearful of new people and situations.  They are easily upset by noise and commotion, high strung and intense in their reactions.
  
• The final group are slow to warm up or cautious kids.  About 15% of children fall into this category.  These children are relatively inactive and fussy.  They tend to withdraw or to react negatively to new situations, but their reactions gradually become more positive with continuous exposure.  I've worked with MANY children like this over the years.  These children can be frustrating for parents as well because they are often clingy.  They prefer to stay by the parents side rather than exploring or engaging in play with peers.  These kids often have a more difficult time transitioning into preschool or kindergarten.  Sticking to a routine is important for them.  It makes them feel safe.  It's also important to stick to your word, e.g., if you say you are going to be right back, then you better be RIGHT BACK.  And finally, be patient and allow them ample time to to establish relationships in new situations.  Rushing a slow to warm child to engage before he or she is ready usually backfires horribly.