Building character in misbehaving kids takes 3 kinds of vision. Find out the biggest mistake blinding parents today and how to turn disrespectful kids into respectful children.
Effective parenting - building character in kids takes vision:
When 6-year-old Johnny asked his mom, "Can little kids cook?" She answered, "Certainly, with supervision." Johnny thought for a moment and said, "I want to cook. Do I need glasses?" Today you'll see that building character in children doesn't require glasses but it does require "super vision."
Effective Parenting - 3 styles of "super vision" all parents need for building character:
Vision that sees with your mind as well as your eyes
Sammy's sassing, Hannah's hitting, and Billy's blaming are difficult to take when juggling work and family life. Yet they need to be viewed as disrespect and handled with firmness.
Vision that understands your role as parent
When little Hector yells, "I hate you," it's disturbing but only if you let it. Avoid taking his rants and his raves personally. Deal with Hector's disrespect firmly.
Vision that grasps the long term results of your present actions
Yelling at Lulu for not doing her chores and then doing them for her teaches Lulu to be lazy and disrespect your rules. Insist with firmness that she do them. This is vital to her future well-being and your self-respect as a parent.
Effective parenting - what every parent needs to remember:
You aren't born knowing how to build character in your children. You can learn. Educator Marilyn Wiltz advises, "Remember you are the parent." As the parent you are the leader, the guide, and the counselor for your children. It is important to establish a strong calm inner sense that you are the parent and you are in control. Your children will feel your inner strength if you feel it too.
Effective parenting - the biggest mistake parents must overcome:
Failing to draw the line and be the parent is the biggest mistake. When you argue, negotiate, and plead with Betty to stop her tantrum, you put Betty in charge. When you discipline Alex and then apologize, you put Alex in charge. When you tell Terry you're not going to buy the toy and then buy it for him anyway, you put Terry in charge. When you don't draw the line, you put your child in charge. When you draw the line, you put yourself in charge. You are the parent.
Effective parenting - self-talk for parents who deal with disrespectful kids:
When your Sally is screaming at the top of her lungs, stop saying, "This behavior is my fault. I'm not a good parent." Start saying, "This is Sally's problem. How can I help her?"
Effective parenting takes firm "super vision," remembering you are the parent, and drawing the line. When your kids are disrespectful, stop the yelling, stop the arguing, and get your kids to be accountable for their own behavior. You'll be teaching respect and building character too.
(January 2007) (
