Lets talk about sex... what will you do when faced with it??

I have just got off the phone with one of my friends who has just found out through snooping in her daughters bedroom that she is sexually active.....

I am writing this advice because it is very close to my heart..... I was a teenage mum.... Yes my mum told me about the birds and the bees .... of course she did like most parents do..... But how much have you told you pre teenage child......

Bit about my story first..... I was 16 and knew all about periods and sex in general but I was never told that if you did not have your periods when choosing to become sexually active that you could still become pregnant..... I had never had a period.... Nothing you would call a period any way.....A slight monthly discharge.........I fell for a guy and thought I loved him so I chose to have sex with him..... I thought I was safe we used a condom so I would be safe from diseases...... Guess what? the condom broke..... I was not expecting my periods anytime soon either my mother was very late in getting hers also.... all my friends allready had theirs and I was over the whole thing of when will I ever get mine.... so the morning after pill was not something I felt I needed...... Guess what I would have got mine that month if I had not fallen pregnant..... I was  on the brink of getting them.... a nice fresh egg and a lovely new breeding ground were the doctors answers to my mum..... I find that alot of people seem to wait until their child reaches the age of puberty to tell their kids all about safe sex..... I know it is a thought we don't want to have in our heads..... I do not like to think about my parents doing it to have me, let alone one of my children getting to that time in life..... Guess what it does happen and it seems to be happening younger and younger...... You hear so many things that have caused this, society, hormones etc..... to name a few. I have no idea what the reasoning is behind it......But these are my thoughts on the whole subject......

Talk to you kids from an age you feel it appropriate..... In girls I talk to mine when they hit that whole moody age..... I alway reiterate with all my kids....You can talk to me about anything...... even if you have to ask me not to get angry before we talk..... I find if I give them the oppotunity to talk to me about something without me getting angry then I am more approachable to them.......

Tell your kids about all the diseases out there if they do not have safe sex..... Tell them that these things can make you ill and cause permanent harm to them or even eventually take their lives..... show them pictures on the internet if you have too..... There is some pretty nasty diseases out there and some graphic photos of some of the symptoms our doctor showed Aidan these when he was talking about it.....Tell them that a condom is not enough preotection from genital warts as well......

Tell them that  having sex is something that you do with someone special..... If you choose to tell them that sex is something two people do when they are in love..... make sure that you push it down their throats that sex is not love it is just an extension...... and anyone who tells them any different is wrong..... I hear so many times from other parents of teens and read stories and even movies about guys telling girls that if you loved me you would.... The answer to that is ......If you loved me you would wait.... and don't get me wrong here guys are not the only ones who say this..... I know for a fact that the girl who took my son virginity used that line on him........

Peer pressure is a big thing when it comes to sex whether we like it or not.... one of the girls/guys in your group starts doing it and talking about it as friends do then the pressure is on your child to fit in with that group or find other friends.... I was not pressured into losing my virginity but I did feel because my boyfriend was older that it was the done thing because all the other girls my age were....

Tell your kids that you feel they are not emotionally able to handle a sexual relationship, Tell them that with sex also comes a whole lot of emotions that a person of their age is not capable of handling properly yet.....There are adults out there that have problems handling these emotions so our kids will too....

Arm you children with every scenario that you can think of to protect themselves from becoming one of the group or a victim to peer pressure.....

Even after everything we do tell our kids make sure that you constantly tell them they can come to you with anything...... No matter what..... Ask them if they are sexually active if you have to.... tell them that before they decide to take that next step that you want them to talk to you about it so they can make an informed and safe decision for them self.... I am not saying discuss this with a 12 year old if they think they are ready for sex don't get me wrong......

My friend   I feel was doing the wrong thing and we argued.....for one snooping in her daughters room which I think is totally wrong..... One because it is a trust thing to me maybe it is somehting I have from my childhood when my diary was never read by my mum because it was mine..... But i also think it is a respect thing...... especially with teenagers..... and secondly she did not ask her outright.....She had a feeling a gut feeling and she did not talk to her first...... She has never discussed safe sex with her daughter and now she finds her daughter at 15 has had unprotected sex with a 15 year old boy both underage and guess what she is late for her periods..... 6 weeks late....She has gone off her tree grounded her daughter rang the police been told there is nothing they can do her father is on a man hunt and wants to throttle this boy now and I jsut feel what is all this for?? what is it going to change??...... What can she do now what's done is done....

I really strongly believe if we do the right thing by our kids and teach them all the things that can go wrong and all the the reasons behind what we are telling them then what else can we do.... cross our fingers and hope they come to us that's what... sure we can watch and be aware and try to protect our kids from the hard times in life but it is never going to work exactly how we want it to.....

I am no expert.... far from it and I have a long way to go when it comes to children and especially teenagers..... But I do know I will always be here for them if the subject of sex does arise and try my darndest to talk them out of doing it but I will also make sure they are full equipped to go into that situation if they choose to because if you tell a teen no what do they do......

I want to know what my kids are up to and I want to protect them.... Aidan is sexually active yes he is young...... But what can we do..... We give him condoms and tell him how important it is to use them and Ken even showed him how to use  them properly with a banana......  when my girls get to an age when they show signs and hopefully come to me about this subject then I will also supply condoms and put them on the pill..... I will tell them how important it is to not sleep with everything that has a heart beat like I have told Aidan..... But if they have made the decision to do it then how can I stop it......

I was told by my friend a while ago when I told her about the trouble we had with Aidan and how we had handled it and giving him condoms and things and she told me I was being stupid and giving him permission to do it..... These kids don't need permission they need protection and I will do anything within my power to do that for them....

I made some decisions a while ago what I would do when I was faced with this and maybe that was because I was a teenage mum myself.....I have not done everything I said I would always do but most of it...... I found losing my childhood was hard and I take my hat of to any mum who is doing it successfully no matter how old.......

Now my friend is faced with the thought of becoming a grandmother at 36 and her daughter a mum at 16 and that scares her to death....

Maybe some of this could have been avoided if maybe she had of thought things through and looked at it a bit differently..... And the hardest thing I did as I cried along with her..... was say to her that she needs to put the decision in the hands of her daughter be there for her support her by all means but do not make her do something she doesnt want to do now.... She has told her daughter what my mum told me now and that is you have three choices and whatever choice you make I will support you..... You can have the baby and adopt it out, raise it yourself or have a termination but I can not make those decisions for you. You need to do it yourself..... I know my friend will support her daughter and I know she is a good mum....  But she has also made a decision already to talk to her younger kids differently about sex......

What will you do????

This is my opinion and my thoughts on this subject and I am sorry if this offends anyone in any way......

Have a great day
Cheers
Angie