As parents we teach our kids about being respected by others and what to look out for and what not to put up with in relationships. Say no to violence, speak out to violence all the appropriate and expected advice you would think of, we pass down to our children

Studies, such as those conducted by this site (click the blue link), have illustrated this point and proven that although young adults and teens understand and can define what a bad relationship is and could articulate it well, they were not as fluent in identifying a good one and struggled in doing so….. Young people fall victim to violent relationships because their inexperience in them and falling foul to DV at such an age contributes and begins the road of what is believed ‘normal’ in a partnership. 

My role as a parent has faced me with different challenges which I never thought would impact my life let alone the lives of my children. My role of a stepmother has been an additional role for me and one of the most challenging ones at times. Especially when considering outside influences such as; other family members, the other parent and Grandparents.
I have had problems with my stepdaughter, who I am estranged from, for some time now. She has always been a little hard to handle but for the most, she was a dream to have around. That was until her father died. Life just changed so much then and what issues we had to begin with, well they just flew out the window and were replaced with ones too big for me alone.   

One of the biggest issues I had with Jess was her determination to have relationships with MEN…At 14 she was dating a 21 year old, until I found out and put a stop to it. Then it happened again with a different man until I put another stop to it. After some time and much arguing and talking Jess seemed to settle down and a little while later introduced me to a boy. I was just pleased at the time that he was a boy…we was pleasant, he was a good influence and  he ended up being one of the greatest con artists around. The fact he looked older than they said didn’t faze me as my eldest son has always looked older than he is…..so nothing new or out of the ordinary for me there…I did question them but believed the response that I received….stupid, stupid, stupid me… 

He was nearly 21…Long story short they ran off together and to her mothers where she was able to ‘live’ with him. Not that I blame the mother as what was she really going to do. If she said no to them, they would have taken off again and none of us would have known where they were.  

During this time away from me I have since found out she is pregnant to him and is due in February….*sigh* During this time away from me I have since found out that he is also abusive to her, that he held a blade to her and threatened to harm her and the baby. Something he did in front of Jess’s mother and guests too.. what happened to him you ask, NOTHING. No one reported him, no one did anything useful.

The other night I received news that he had hurt Jess again and this time it was pretty bad. He placed a blade to her and nearly cut her nose off and I might add that this fool was drunk while on home detention when he did it…nice guy hey! 

I keep going through my head, ‘what did I miss’ – ‘what did I miss explaining to her’.Of all the things that I taught Jess or Kat for that matter, I did not teach her how to have a relationship, how to talk, how to interact and how to defuse a bad situation with a partner. Ok, she was still very young but I didn’t teach this to my eldest either. Something I have recently explained to Kat…. 

I have thought about this for a while now and to begin with couldn’t work out why I would have, I was never taught how to have a relationship but kids are very different today. They aren’t little for very long and become little adults so much earlier than what was the norm several years ago… 

There is not doubt that there needs to be a stronger emphasis on the prevention and early intervention of domestic violence. One which targets children and young people so as to address the different factors which contribute to violence within families and this needs to begin early and from with in the home.  

Domestic Violence is increasing among young relationships with women aged between 14-24 being at more at risk of family violence than women from any other age group. Obviously something is going astray and we need to be able to provide these soon to be adults with the appropriate tools in surviving what happens behind closed doors….

Facts:

42% of women had experienced violence when pregnant.

20% of women stated that the initial onset occurred during pregnancy.