When to Leave Your Child at Home

There comes a time in every parent's life where they have to make the decision about when it is appropriate to leave their child at home alone.  This decision is clearly not one that needs to be made when their children are babies, toddlers or young children where, under no circumstances should they be left home alone for even minutes.  However, somewhere after the age of 10 the question can arise and, particularly, when the children hit their teens and start wanting to be "trusted" and more independent. 

There is no law in Australia which governs when it is appropriate to leave a child alone.  However, all parents have the responsibility for the health, care and welfare of their children under 18.  Part of that responsibility includes supervision. Even having a young person under the age of 18 looking after your younger children could raise liability issues.  Quite simply, adults have the responsibility for the care of their children (or children in their care) under the age of 18!

That being so, it's not unusual for kids to be left at home alone by their parents for varying periods of time.  How do you, as a parent, determine when your child is ready for this?

There are a number of considerations which apply to this question.  In no particular order:

(1) What is your child's personality like?  Are they usually obedient, mature, rule-followers, responsible?  If so, this is the type of child you can leave on their own for short periods of time sooner rather than later.

(2) How safe is your house? You remember the days of toddler-proofing your home?  Well, you need to do the same thing if you intend to leave older children alone.  Specifically, you want to make sure all medications, poisons, cleaning products and other toxic substances are well out of bounds (preferably under lock and key). 

(3) How long will your absence be?  Different considerations apply if you are dashing out to the corner store than if you plan to be gone for half a day.  Remember also the golden rule about even short trips and that is that anything can happen to you while you are away preventing your timely return.  Thus, children still need to be able to adequately protect themselves if things do not go as planned.

(4) Can your children adequately protect themselves?  This is the million dollar question?  Do they know what to do in case of an emergency?  Can they call 000 (do they know their address, contact numbers and street directory reference?), can they use the kitchen fire-extinguishers, do they know what to do if another child is sick or injured in the home in your absence (i.e. do they know basic CPR and first aid?), are they able to defend themselves in the case of an intruder (have they learnt self-defence for instance), do they know how many exit routes there are from your house and which to utilise in different circumstances? and so on.

(5) Do you have a set of rules applicable to the situation of their being home alone e.g. no cooking without adult present, no swimming in the pool, no more than two friends present etc that you can trust they will abide by?

(6) Have you got a contact agreement and secret code?  You should tell your child that you will ring three times then hang up and then call back and only then are they to answer the phone.  Otherwise, they are not to answer the phone.  Let it go to the answering machine. You should issue your child with a code phrase (rather than word) in cases of emergency.  A code word can be too obvious so, try a phrase like "I already posted the mail today".  Thus, if they are at home and you call and they need to communicate to you that they are in distress but feel unable or embarassed to do so in front of others, they are able to say your agreed upon code phrase. Also, children should be told that if you have not returned within half an hour of your designated return time and you have not called to explain your lateness then they should call a specified person (say grandma).  Grandma should be told that this might occur.

(7) Have a rule about opening the door.  Children should not open the door just because they know somebody.  Most perpetrators of child sexual abuse are well known to the victim.  You should have an agreement on who they can open the door to and all other people are to be told that Mum is having a bath and can they come back in ten minutes.  Then the child should call you straight away.

(8) When leaving older children to look after younger children be aware that you are responsible for the care of the older child too.  Also, you need to be satisfied that not only is the older child capable of acting in an emergency themselves, but that they are going to treat your younger children appropriately. 

(9) Go with your gut instinct and don't be pressured by anybody to make a decision either way.  You are the parent of the child and you know them better than anyone (other than themselves of course).  Only you can really judge whether they are ready to be left alone or not and for how long. 

(10) The golden rule in my book is, if you can avoid leaving kids (especially younger ones) at home alone then do.  Unless of course you have full faith in their ability to handle any situation that might confront them. There are a myriad of ways that teenagers can test your "trust" in them and experience independence. Staying at home alone is not the only rite of passage available to them.

I hope this helps some people.  I know this has been a topic of interest lately.