If I knew then...

If I knew when my first child was born what I knew now what would I do differently??
Firstly, I would trust my instincts more.  I remember being told about mother's instinct and wondering why I didn't have it.  You don't get it somehow supernaturally when they are born (or at least I didn't), but it comes with time.  There were things I was told to do that felt wrong, but I did them because I was told that was how you do things - for example 'controlled crying'.  Now I say "if it feels wrong don't do it!"  and likewise if you enjoy doing something (eg feeding to sleep) then do it - despite what people say so long as it works for you!

Similarly I would also say "ask questions".  If a doctor or nurse tells you to do something, or give your baby something ask "why" - what does it do, what are the possible side effects/long term effects, what will happen if I don't do it, what are the options?  Things I regret doing as I didn't ask enough questions were complementary feeding my son while trying to establish breastfeeding and giving him sedatives to help with colic (!) - when I discovered what they were I stopped immediately!  This doesn't mean these things were necessarily wrong but I should have asked more questions to make sure.

I was also told I had to feed my child every three hours and would wake him to do so.  He had so many sleep issues and I now wonder if this had something to do with it.  If they need to sleep then let them!  Go with what your baby tells you to do - if they are hungry, feed them - if they are tired, put them to bed (and leave them there until they wake up).  Babies don't have watches and don't read the books.

Don't stress if they don't put on the required weight or aren't crawling by x months....  Yes, there are guidelines for a reason and there are times to be concerned if your baby is not meeting their milestones (and, again trust your instincts here - if something seems wrong get it checked).  But we had a lot of stress about my son's weight and growth and lots of tests done.  He was born small (2.4kg) and stayed small (still is!) but he was growing and he was ahead on all his milestones.  We are neither of us tall people and neither will he be. 

There is enough angst in bringing up children without unnecessary stress.

Last of all, be gentle on yourself.  Take care of yourself.  Think calm thoughts and if you are struggling say so.  I believe babies sympathise with our emotions - so if you are stressed they will feel it too.  There is no shame in asking for help and accepting it too!

My first foray into parenting would have been so much easier if I had known all this - but, hey, we learn from our mistakes and there is always room for improvement.  Isn't that what child number two is for??