Dealing with Criticism from Other Parents

"A parent is the best expert on their own child ....they as the child's parents are the experts on their child! Parents are the ones with the most insight into how their child deals with a different situations. As a parent you know your own child better than anyone else."

"The best person to parent
The best parent to parent your children is you."

I think  those are quite sweeping statements. I wouldn't encourage anyone to believe that they are an "expert" on children - their own or anybody elses.

Each child is unique - each parent is unique - you can and will make mistakes. You can say someone is a most commited and dedicated parent but i don't agree that anyone can be an expert on another human being.

In fact it seems few people even know themselves let alone their children.

Understanding the needs of a baby on an instinctive close parental bond level is very different to assuming you are an expert on your 5, 10, 16year old

TV shows, newspaper and magazines,  recovery centres, psychiatry couches are full of adults who felt their parents never really understood them.

abusive neglegent parents aside, there are those people who will tell you that although their parents meant well...etc

Apart from deaths and the disability aspect of it, the fostering and adoption statistics also suggest there is no blanket rule of thumb that because you give birth you are an expect on that child and the best person to raise them.

All parents can benefit from listening and considering other ways of doing things, and continually striving to be the best parent they can be.

It is good to be confident of your parental ability and this confidence comes automatically and well - deserved to the parent who has researched and heard a variety of opinions and weighed them all up

but it is dangerous to assume that you know whats best, by virtue of the fact that you gave birth.

Good points

a.) Advise given on any subject without it being asked for and given especially when it is done in a way where that person clearly thinks you are doing it wrong and they have the one and only solution. Where they assume you have done no research, had no previous experience and are basically just waiting to be rescued from your own incompetence. This SO puts my back up :o

b) the mother who tried not to say anything and waited until she was asked and then helped in a way that made her daughter feel empowered is a much better way. NO ONE likes people doing knee-jerk judging and "correcting" it is the need of the advise giver that is being served not the need of the person it is inficted on.

I can remember who said it but "don't go around exploding your knowledge firework in people's faces"    :)

Since children do not come to us with instructions or rules, each parent must decide how to raise their own.  It is good to listen to other's points of view but you don't have to do what anyone else wants you to do. If the person giving you advice has had success with their children, then think about what they have to say.  If their children are in jail or rehab, or strung out on drugs or alcohol, I would rethink the matter about whether their advice is viable or not. You might want to do the opposite of what they did. However, every child is different and each has his/her own personality/ So, what works for one may not work on another.

I raised three sons and each one had a different attitude and personality.  I had to treat each one differently.  What worked on one son did not work on another. No one can make a set of rules to raise all children. It won't work!

Even some things that were suggested by my family did not work. You have to decide for yourself what you want to do with regard to your child/children. You can ask for help if you are terrified or uncertain, but also consider who you ask and why. Sometimes well-meaning family or friends will give advice that is not helpful at all - and sometimes it will be helpful. Age does not always mean they have the best advice. Most people will give advice judging only by their life experiences.

If you followed someone's advice and it worked well for you, congratulation are in order. If not, keep trying. Remember love will win in the long run. Children can never get too much love. I really mean LOVE not spoiling by letting them have everything they want, when they want it. You have make them understand as much as possible by explaining things to them. Why they cannot have something or do not need something they want. Just saying 'NO' will not suffice.

My mother was here for the first three weeks of our sons life.... And she kept pretty tight lipped about every thing.. She was so funny.... I'd do something and you could see she wanted to say something but would not... I would ask her what it was and she would start by saying  "This is what I did with you when you were a baby then tell me or show me something I did not know.....

I mean come on mum, he was three weeks old, I never had a baby before please help me... I said this to her and she said to me that she did not want to be someone who always butted in.. I just explained she is my mother and if I find her advice great I'll use it, if not after three weeks she won't be there and she'd have no idea if I did what she suggested so it did not really matter.... She laughed and started to tell me all sorts of things, which was just fantastic....

Every one has advice and not all of it is good for every one, but that is where we have to learn to sift though what we think is good, take it all with a grain of salt, say thank you and if it works for you great, if not then just say thanks you'll try it.. That way you won't offened anyone, and every one feels like they are helping you in some slight way.. I found this all out when I went out for dinner with our son for the first time with a bunch of already mothers.. There was lots of advice coming from all different directions, and some clashed with others.. But in the end I just listened said thank you and when I got home sifted through it all...

What a wonderful outlook you have.
I admire you ability to stand firm, i know that i currenly smile and nod, and i will try to take your advise into account for next time.