Auld Lang Syne

Whoever knows the meaning of the song 'Auld Lang Syne'? Should old acquaintance be forgot? I don't think so.

As of last year, it's 10 years since I finished high school and I miss my school friends constantly. To cut a long story short, I experienced depression in year 12, living on my own without family. My father was posted at the beginning of the year and they all moved seven hours away. We rarely talked. I was miserable when all my friends focussed on their exams and saw less of me. Till then they were my lifeline. I was sooooo alone. I only just opened up to my psychiatrist about this the other day and it's brought some emotions closer to the surface. Over the years I've repressed a lot.

My best friend throughout high school was J. We were inseparable and shared all of our most intimate secrets. We were the best of friends. At the end of year 12 we had a falling out and, in my depressed state I let her take over all of our friends. They all stayed in contact despite themselves all moving away. I was blown to the wind. I saw J shopping with her mum, as she'd come home for Easter five years ago. She didn't even stop to talk to me. I saw her say to her mum "There's HH" and she just kept walking and didn't glance back. I was mortified. I've never in the last 11 years had my family live close by and am still trying to reconcile a relationship with my dad, rarely get to speak to my mum because of her mental illness so basically am pretty lonely. Friends always meant the world to me but after high school....... I just felt so betrayed.

i find it difficult to make and keep friends now. After all if you can't have a good relationship with your own parents how can you nurture friendships. (I know because of my insecure attachments with my own parents, I have an affinity to not develop attachments or develop insecure attachments with others - It' a flaw that I can't help, it comes from my heritage. I can only try).

At Christmas I started to feel more lonely than I have in a long time. I realised that I don't have many friends and began yearning for that closeness again. So i rang a friend who had also fallen out with everyone, R. She's since become friends with J again and told me J was to come home for Christmas and was leaving for Ireland on New Years Eve. I plucked up the courage to call her but there was no answer. I tried until New Years and then gave up. I'd missed my chance. It was too late. And so on New Years Eve, I decided Auld Lang Syne. She's gone, it's time to give up the ghost.

A couple of days after New Years I bumped into two guys from school. One of which is the hubby of another very close friend from school, T. i was extremely lucky to get her number and e-dress. I've been writing to her and am soooooo glad for my luck in relocating her and our reconciliation. I feel like it's the beginning of 10 years of hurt and betrayal lifting from my back. I'm really looking forward to her returning from Paris so we can continue to rebuild our friendship.

Today by another stroke of luck I ran into another school friend who knew that K, my third and most treasured friend was home for Christmas/New Years. He told me that she's leaving tomorrow so I had to get in quick. I rung her tonight. Again I felt that wash of reminiscence, and felt the pain subsiding once again. We're going to get together when she comes back home for Easter and I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!! I'm really excited. To finally after all these years reconcile with two of my most dearest friends, I am in heaven! It's so important to me. I've been alone in the darkness for so long and now I can see the light again.

Unfortunately I may never reconcile with J but it's taken me all this time to realise that she was a fair weather friend. When she saw that things were getting tough for me, she ran a mile. She never understood why my family didn't support me, even though I came so close to her. i lived with her in the beginning and she could never understand why my dad never sent any money and resented me for her wealthy parents supporting me. Realising this I left and payed S+M back for all their kindness. They really were beautiful people to me and J was very lucky to have them as her parents. I know that S knew how much I appreciated their generosity and why I needed to leave. I hoped it might save our friendship. It did........... for a while. But not once the going got tough. I've got a list of grievances as long as my arm the number of times she betrayed and hurt me that year.

So, in reply to my question in the beginning, Auld Lang Syne, should old acquaintance be forgot? Yes, acquaintances and fair weather friends, too.

's Hayley
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I wrote the above advice about a month ago and feel that I absolutely must write some form of retraction of my original sentiments regarding J. I continue to believe that fair-weather friends and acquaintances should be forgot. However I can no longer regard J to be a fair-weather friend. I've come to realise that I am very much to blame for falling out with J, and cannot possibly say that she was a fair weather friend because I hurt her too. It's taken me all these years to realise this. I know that I said I have a list of grievances but she would likely have the same for me, and in my opinion sometimes unless we can learn to forgive but not necessarily forget we will end up very lonely people. A very smart person once said to me that the NAIVE forgive and forget; the BITTER neither forgive nor forget but the WISE forgive but don't forget.I would like for each of us to be wise about how we've been hurt in the past and learn from our mistakes yet not burn our bridges and close ourselves off from ever trusting one another again. I know some people who've been really hurt find it difficult to trust anyone and this is soo difficult for them.

I believe myself to be extremely fortunate to now be in contact with all of my treasured friends from school, including J. We're all mums now (except T). I've re-friended M and P too and they're also mums so we all have so much in common again. I'm loving being part of others' lives again, it really has been quite lonely these past 10 years. I've also resolved to finally do something about our 10 year reunion. All of my friends were the girls who if anyone was to arrange the reunion it would be us. Because we all fell out of contact, and because there were rifts between some of us, this didn't happen. I'm taking it on as it appears that I perhaps have the best network at the moment and I know that I'm up to the task re: time and location because most of my friends are out of the area. It's going to take a lot of work but I can do it. I really want to get as many people from my year involved as I can to ensure everyone feels empowered in making it a night to remember. Because after all, our high school years were some of the best years of our lives and we were lucky to be so close as a year. It was such an unfortunate circumstance that so many of us drifted apart but time is the best healer and it would be nice for everyone to put the past behind them and see their school friends in the light they were seen in school - such treasured friends!

Just wanted to reiterate my retraction about J. I forgive her for all that's happened in the past just as I pray she will forgive me. I was very depressed and was inclined to think the worst of her but I'm to blame too. My mistakes made me a very lonely person, but I'm changing that now and doing my best to make things right again, not just for my friends but myself as well.