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For all those people in the world who have not experienced in-law problems I am sooooooooo jealous! However I take heart that I am not alone in my situation and so I thought I would give some tips on how to deal with..... the dreaded dragon in law. Now its
usually the mother however I have noticed here on Minty that there are a few father-in-laws who could also be creating issues so I would guess that the advice would be the same. Maintain dignity at all times and do not surrender! If you do your children will learn from your role modelling to be as nasty and vendictive as your dragon in law and thats not what you want for your children, yes there will come a time when you need to rant, cry etc but not in front of the kids not only does it confuse your children and teach them some failry nasty ways or language but it gives the dragon more power and you need to lessen that not increase it. Being a matriach does not give the dragon a right to control you life make sure she doesnt.
Firstly try to ascertain your sins, that is; why you a normal everyday person who has been loved, has friends who value you as a person etc etc has suddenly become the focal point of someones wrath for example in my case I was a multiple offender in my dragons eye. Firstly I had been engaged before going out with her son and considering I was a child bride to him you would think I could be forgiven for accepting and then breaking an egagement when I was 16 but apparently not; secondly I was not of the faith and thirdly and probably my biggest sin was I would not roll over and do as I was told. It took me some time to work out why I was not the "appropriate" girl for her boy but it did help knowing the reasons. It helped to plan my reactions and my conversations so I couldnt be trapped into saying or doing something that would give her more ammo.
Secondly make your dragon as welcome as possible, this will be a trial and error period of adjustment as you work out ways to make her feel comfortable, learning how to make her tea just the right strength, if she saves her tea bags multiple cups or for a multitude of uses, if she would rather have weevils in her kitchen than you cleaning it up and throwing away all that "good' food. These are very serious issues and whilst you may feel you are trying to be useful/helpful you could be in fact fuelling the fire.... my advice is to visit and take notes. Dont do anything until you are sure. Watch what she does when she does it, that's not to say you need to become like her...hell no! its to lure her into a false sense of security!
Thirdly suck up. Does she live alone? Take the left overs over in a container and pop them in her freezer, see she likes gardening ask advice or better still buy a dying plant and ask her to help revive it because you dont know how to "fix" it. Dying plants often go out for around 50c-$1 so its not a bad investment. The key here is that the old dear needs to feel needed....use that knowledge to your advantage.
Fourthly dont complain to the hubby, its an unfortunate fact that hubby wont see the dragon in action, the dragon is a cunning beast and will often not display territorial behaviour infront of the son. The only way you can get him to see what she is really like is to make regular visits OR and this one is a biggy, move in. Now it can put your marriage at risk but its a good gamble to take, be kind and loving to your hubby whilst there, no nagging or complaining, she can not keep up the pretext of being kind to you infront of him 24/7 and then stabyou in the back when he's at work for long. You can wait her out, the prize is worth the effort but its not for the faint hearted and may take some time, in my case 12 months but the victory is awesome 
and you have a life time pass to use the "dragon-in-law" phrase in front of hubby anytime you like.
When the children come along, this is the second phase to dragon dealing. You by now have gone to your corners and declared war. We all know there are no winners in war but we take heart that we havent surrendered either. By now the dragon is getting really irritated because you havent taken the hint and you have learned not to accept her baits, you show her polite indifference and refuse to be cast into the role of demon.....and then you fall pregnant. The die is cast, for my dragon having a non-catholic in the family was shocking fortunately have a divorce was consdiered worse so she knew she was stuck with me, the power in that knowledge gave me confidence to put my 2c in every now and then. You and your hubby need to have a clear view on how you want to bring your children up, discuss it often be united in your decisions and when challenged in your child rearing by the dragon, firmly say (insert sons name) and I feel that this is best. Rave about how well (insert sons name) is managing with the little one, taking to fatherhood etc If this fails to gain you peace, dont visit for a while. Dont send the children with hubby that gives her an opportunity to create mayhem with your hubby or worse with your kids and all you'll be doing is stressing at home, always present a united front no matter how awful it is. The best news I can give here is that kids are not stupid, my kids never new how I felt about the dragon, but they knew how the dragon didnt like mummy...and they new that they were second best grandchildren to the others but they took it in their stride and nanny helped by spoiling them and daddy. Finally if all esle fails you may have to cut the dragon off completely or metaphorically speaking we moved states for a variety of reasons not the least interferring from both sides but we have never regretted our decision and we are proud of the fact that we have bought up our kids our way with the least amount of tension in the house. The only problemis that the dragon may come for a visit and that means staying in your house but the good news is you are on your turf not hers and you are in control!
Taming the dragon, the dragon will only be tamed when she realises you are there to stay, that you have enough inner strength to fight like a lioness to protect what is rightlfully and legally yours and that no matter how many times she has tried you have remained dignified and upright under fire! Best wishes to all my fellow dragon tamers and would be tamers...Victory is our!
(January 2007) (
I thought my Monster in law was bad, but her mother is worse. The other day, when Michael had wind, Great Nanna Monster demanded I cover him in olive oil to relieve his wind pain. "Over my dead body" I said. To which I swear they both looked at me with a 'glint' in their eyes !!!!
!!! Thank heavens Great nanna Monster is going home to QLD, I just wish MIL would stay in HER cave & never come out, then life would be much easier for all of us!
