How to Prevent Conflict from Escalating

How to Prevent Conflict from Escalating

Do you live with a child who can appear argumentative or be down right non-compliant digging their heels in or throwing a doozy of a tantrum? Every time you ask them to do something world war three breaks out? Been there... It's not easy is it?

I know how difficult it is live live with someone like this... be it an adult or a child, so what is the best way to deal with this behaviour & more importantly how do you prevent it form escalating?

First & foremost my advice to you is TRY very hard not to RE-ACT to the child's tantrums. Try to remain calm & focused as Re-action will only cause their behaviour to get worse.

My little Grandson used to start throwing a tantrum every time we were at the shops.

He would throw himself on the ground, screaming & kicking his legs causing everyone to stop what they were doing & stare. If he wanted something & you didn't give it to him then, no amount of coaxing would stop the tantrum. If you tried to take hold of his hand & walk him to the car (or home) he would get worse, pulling himself away from you & squealing so loudly... I'm sure people thought he was being beaten... it was really embarrassing.

Now the first thing most of us mums do is RE-ACT -  we raise our voices, tell the child that he WILL do what he's told, often we will give them a smack, etc...

We Command. Demand. Dominate.

The first thing I've learned to do in this situation (now) is to find the closest seat I can & sit there quietly until the child calms down... This may take some time & people may look, but at least it is the child making the fool of himself, not the parent. In doing this I'm not feeding his fire. How hard is this? EXTREMELY. However confrontation will only serve to make matters worse.

I've found Distraction is a great tool... to help calm my Grandson's rage... diverting his attention away from the focus of his anger or frustration.

• I change the subject to something that my Grandson will respond to in a positive manner;

• I try doing something that is guaranteed to make him giggle...

• Sometimes changing the current activity that we are undertaking can help, for example quite calmly suggesting it might be nice to bake a cake & asking him if he would like to help... sparks his interest & changes his focus

Remember with these type of children sometimes it is wise to Choose Our Battles... some situations are not worth the fight simply draining our strength when it would be better to save it for the battles that need to be fought...

Remember try to

• Respond Don't RE-ACT

• Suggest don't Demand... when we demand compliance we set the stage for conflict. When its time to go to bed try suggesting... 'It's time to pick up your toys & go to bed.... '
• If you want them to clean their room try... 'As soon as you put your toys away you can have a drink...'
• Instead of demanding an answer as to why thy hit their sister try simply stating 'The rule is no hitting anyone, hitting hurts.. it's not nice to do it...'
• Try to turn everything to the positive...
  
• Avoid the words..'Don't' or 'No'... These two words seem to  encourage our children to pursue the very things we don't want them to

I say again, Try to be positive in your re-actions... & remember to always let the child know that you love them.