Tips for teaching your child good behaviour

Have you ever noticed how when your young child is doing something naughty you might tell them off and they'll look at you and laugh? My little boy has been doing this to me and it's made me realise He's doing this to get my attention! Aren't kids smart?

There are so many different aspects that we consider 'good behaviour', including

• manners,
  
• looking after property (theirs or yours),
  
• being careful with people and animals (i.e. not being violent)
• keeping safe

I'm sure people could add many more. Good behaviour isn't necessarily being quiet and generally not doing things which particularly annoy or frustrate you. Many of the things children do are normal, developmental behaviours and, if you prevent them from doing them too much, I believe it might prevent them learning and developing into safe, adjusted and motivated people in society. For example babies need to explore their  environment not be continually told 'no!' when they open cupboards, drawers, or handle ornaments within their reach. To encourage exploration make your home a baby safe environment with dangerous items and breakables out of their reach and cupboards and drawers accessible for him or her to explore.

Anyway, back to my original point. My little boy has been trying to get my attention by playing with things I tell him not to. When I say "no" he grins and laughs. I find myself having to say "no'" because we're house sitting my partner's parents' home. All the dangerous things are out of his reach but there are photo frames, plants, plates in the low cupboards, and generally nik-nax everywhere.  My mother-in-law doesn't wish to move her things because it is her home and we respect that. There are childproof locks on some of the kitchen cupboards but not all of them. Unlike in my previous home the cupboards aren't set up for exploration.

The reason why he wants my attention is because I've been a bit preoccupied lately - we all get like this at times.  I've been trying hard to keep my mother-in-laws home looking presentable as she does. It's quite time consuming and difficult with a little bub who's just started walking and is 'into everything'. Basically, he knows when he touches this or that he'll get my attention and smile, and the 'no' message isn't understood. However, if I say 'no' and move him away from what he's playing with, it's much more effective. Furthermore I give him more positive attention for the things he does right. Positive reinforcement, such as praise and smiles, goes a long way with little kids. If children get lots of encouragement and praise for doing the right thing it will help them to understand the difference between good attention and bad attention.

So make a real fuss. Clap when they walk, praise them for eating, smile and laugh when you change their nappy (if they stay still LOL), say 'thankyou' or 'ta' and accept when they hold a piece of food out to you, cheer when they pass you a ball, give them lots of encouragement for anything they do. Don't hold back your praise and expect too much from them before you offer it. From now until forever you are the person who will give them the best indication of good attention and bad attention. Your goal is to teach your children how to be self-disciplined and able to determine this for themselves.

Good behaviour is something which can't be taught overnight. It happens over years of discipline with a mix of positive reinforcement and punishments. If you feel that what your child is doing is naughty but it seems to be just for attention maybe, like Nicky, they need a bit more positive attention for the right things. Children misbehave for many reasons, not just to get attention. I'll discuss these in detail in future advice.

For now, I hope you are enjoying your children to the full and making the most of the short time which is their childhood. If you can stay positive about the way your child behaves and understand that much of his or her behaviour is normal developmental behaviour, which to some extent you can shape, you can hopefully can avoid becoming frustrated and angry. Because discipline arising from frustration and anger doesn't teach children self discipline.

I hope you've enjoyed reading this and look forward to talking about other strategies to help encourage good behaviour.

Happy parenting!!!

 Hayley