Do you realize that low self-esteem often starts in childhood. What our parents, teachers & friends expect from us & how we deal with it will affect us for the remainder of our lives.

Today the media paint a picture of what they think we should be

Everywhere… on television & in magazines, again & again we are told how we should look, what we should wear, what we should do, how we should feel; how much we should weigh, what we should eat, even what is considered the right thing to say. Do we even know who we are anymore?

I can’t tell you how often I’ve dwelt on how ugly as I was growing up because my mum & brother made sure to tell me. (Lovely family hey?). I had real problems eating for years as my ex husband would say ‘you don’t want to get fat like your mother’ so I was constantly trying to loose weight that I didn’t need to loose. Then there was the ‘you’ll never be able to …’ fill in the blanks here if you like. How many times are we told we won’t be able to do something & so give up trying without even giving it a go?

We go out of our way again & again trying to please people because it’s what’s expected of us.

When I was younger I wrote a young adult’s fantasy/horror story & it was really good (even if I must say so myself) It was filled with blood & gore, wizards, dragons, a siege, good verses evil, a quest… you know the type of thing. I would have liked to have had it published, however I began attending a new church where I was told it was ‘bad’. That a Christian shouldn’t write such things… They encouraged me to destroy everything I had written… (Now it was pretty descriptive as I took my lessons from writers like Steven King & Dean Koontz but that’s beside the point). I listened, destroyed the lot, hard copy, word-processor discs, etc… why, because if I didn’t I would not have been accepted. In that particular area I lost who I was from that moment on. I couldn’t write anymore if I had to keep it within their guidelines; I had to be ‘ME’ in order to have my creative gift flow. It took me years to be able to write again.

To be popular we think we need to ‘be sporting’ or ‘have money’… having a ‘slant’ that society in general accepts really does help.

Often by the time we reach adulthood we can hate so many different parts of ourselves that our low self-esteem puts us at a greater risk of suffering from stress & or depression. This in turn leads to problems at work, at home & with friends. Up goes the barrier… you know the one saying ‘I’m not worthy – don’t come near me.’ We actually grow to hate ourselves & so others don’t want to spend time with us… loneliness increases, we’re more alienated from our peers & the cycle continues….

We as parents need to accept our children’s differences, give them praise for their achievements no matter how small, support & help them in their search for a realistic future which will suit their needs. We also need to remember the negative impact of words spoken over our lives when we speak to our children. My child is not lazy he is ‘more relaxed’ than other people… He is not stubborn he is ‘uncompromising’… he does not tell lies he is a great ‘story teller’ Words are so powerful, they can damage the very heart & soul, leaving us crippled in spirit for years. I would think twice before telling a child they were a lazy, stubborn, liar… they would be shattered for life.

In order to change our lives around… we need to change the way we think about ourselves & the way we teach our children to think about themselves.

Each of us needs to begin dwelling on the good things we have, more importantly to know that we don’t have to please others in order to be happy…  If I project a sad face to the world no-one will want to approach me, whereas if I learn to be happy with who I am my own universe will begin to expand drawing people to me instead of pushing them away… I’ve learned over the years not to let the ‘world in general’ dictate to me how my life should be but rather to relax, be happy & enjoy life.