Surviving a traumatic birth and post-partum psychosis

I am almost speechless. I have read so many stories on Minti telling of loss, illness, mental illness and trauma. I have been humbled by what everyone has told us. Our stories are what keep us strong, telling them allows us to continue on and build a bridge into life hereafter. Since joining Minti, I've been almost reluctant to tell my story given that so many others have gone before me but I believe it's very important. I would like to be an ambassador for anyone on Minti who has themselves suffered mental illness. I am a survivor and I pray that some of my advice might be useful to other sufferers. This is my story.

Panic rises and my heart beats fast and strong. My breath stops. Breathe! I tell myself. It's just a story. Millions have been told before you. Okay deep calming breaths - in....out...in...out...........

Where do I begin? Childhood, my high school years, my 10 year relationship with Brad, my unexpected pregnancy, my beautiful pregnancy. Yes that's a good place to begin. Up until this point in my life I was never truly happy. You couldn't find anyone more excited about being a mum. I've wanted it all my life. First I wanted a mum. But that's a different story. I was thrilled to be pregnant, exhilarated by all the attention and I felt wonderful. 1995 was the best year of my life. I learned everything from the books - how to look after babies; what to do when they cry; how to breastfeed; everything. I was an expert and I hadn't even started. But most of all I knew everything about the birth. I wrote out a thorough birth plan including all my expectations. I wanted Brad and his mum present, I wanted no medical intervention unless absolutely necessary, I wanted an active birth with minimal use of drugs, and I didn't want an episiotomy. As far as I am concerned now birth plans should be thrown out the window for all their worth. It sets you up for expectations which can never be what you want them to be. Not reaching your goals is the number one cause of depression. Birth plans set you up for huge failure. And I failed miserably.

So that's my first piece of advice No Birth Plans. If anyone else has had experience with birth plans, whether they worked out for you or you had a completely unexpected outcome, please comment below before going on to read about my experience.

's Hayley xxx