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ADVICE RATING |
 4.88 (Highly recommend) from 58 votes (5217 Visits) |
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Adult Tantrums |
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by OzBinky  (January 2007) (rank 13th) |
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What is in store for children if the adults in their life behave worst then they do? I have witnessed poor and childlike behaviour from adults while their child cringes next to them; whishing that the earth would open and swallow them up.
Adult tantrums are not pretty, they’ re not funny - they are damn right embarrassing and not just for the child but for the many bystanders who witness it. Have the roles changed so drastically that children are teaching their parents how to function with maturity? Are some people so bent on staying youthful that their behaviour is stuck between the reality of adulthood and the wish of remaining young?
I have witnessed this on the street, at school/uni, in shops and even on line. I have cringed along with many others at the sight of an adult perpetrating the act of a 10 year old ‘dummy spit’ and I am at a loss for words. How can children be expected to bring their parents up?
Last week while looking to buy stationery, I saw a woman pushing a trolley with a child holding onto the edge, navigating each turn. The mother placed something in the trolley that her daughter questioned her about. ‘I didn’t think we could afford stuff like that this week’ she asked. ‘We can’t’ replied the mother. ‘Do you want me to put it back?’ the daughter asked. ‘No, I want you to mind your own f’ing business’ was the mothers answer. ‘Well, can you buy me socks then?’ pushed the child. Reaching into the trolley the mother grabbed the item out and threw it up the isle which skidded up by my feet. ‘Are YOU happy now?’ screamed the woman ‘Not everything is about you. I don’t have to spend MY money on YOU. I don’t have to FEED YOU. I don’t have to do sh!t for you’ The little girl just looked at her mother blankly. ‘So can you buy me socks then?’ …. ‘Go get your f’ing socks then. I’ll have to miss out - yet again. I always miss out because of YOU’
Dumbstruck by this chain of events I looked down at my feet to see what the woman had discarded, what this child believed was an unnecessary item for the shopping list. I bent down and picked it up and read the label. It was a nearly $20 hair colour, ‘Fiery Red’ to be exact.
I was unbelievably impressed by this child’s spunk, by this child’s nerve to challenge her mother over what was and is common sense vs. irresponsibility. I was also devastated that this child needed to do this, had to do it. I was devastated that the mother considered buying a hair colour above socks for her daughter. I was disgusted that this woman would speak to her child in the way that she did. That she could treat her daughter with such content.
This example was not the only one this day. When entering the library to return a book another parent, with child standing by, was yelling and screaming at someone. She demanded to be listened to, she complained loudly about how much time it was taking to borrow book, complained about waiting in line and then demonstrated how the ‘adult temper tantrum’ is carried out. Throwing the books on the floor she stormed out yelling, ‘Come on Stacey, I’m not waiting in life for 2 f’ing books…MOVE IT’ That’s when poor little Stacey calmly picked up the two books and gently placed them on the counter, while saying ‘I’m sorry, my Mums tiered.’ Then as she went to move off the mother stuck her head in the library entrance and yelled, ‘Will you hurry up, I won’t tell you again!’
The one thing that stood out so clearly was that both girls seemed almost unfazed by their mother’s behaviour. These girls seemed accustomed to mum carrying on like this and both girls were more mature, more adult like than their mother. These girls carried out the paternal role, they behaved in a manner expected of by parents and this isn’t the way it should be.
I remember when I would have conversations, much like this one, but the observation would focus on how some parents over-act the ‘perfect parenting role’ while in public. You know the type, the ones which calmly state…‘No sweetie, that isn’t the right way to behave’ while little Johnny is carving his name into a parked car. The ones where the focus is not in the best interest of the child instead it’s on how others may perceive them. Children, despite how mature they may be, should be the first priority in any parents focus. They should not be used to better yourself, they should not be used to gain brownie points….they just should not be used.
There are many examples of ‘adult temper tantrums’ and not all are to this extreme. Ones which have parents or adults telling off check out operators for something that is not in their control or the driver who may have scored a car-park before the other. The point is that if you demand respect from your children, if you demand that they behave in a manner which makes you look like a competent parent, then you must first act like it yourself.
The old saying ‘Do as I say and not as I do’ is not something to base your parenting on. We are role models to our children and we should act like it. We can not expect children to ignore some parental behaviour and not others. That just sets children up for failure…
Parents are human, we make mistakes…but mistakes made by parents such as the supermarket and library mothers, are self inflicted ones caused by a selfishness that has no right being included in the lives and raising of children.
I don’t think for one moment that I am the best mother around, I don’t think for a moment that I know it all either, but I have always tried my best to be consistent with what I ask, expect and teach my children and I have always tried to act the way I expect them to.
Not one of us have the patent on ‘perfect parenting’, not one of us can see into the future of our children and be sure that they will get where you’re hoping they will and not one of us knows what tomorrow will bring and what influences will cause our children to stray away from our morals. What we can be sure of though is that our children will learn by not only what we say to them, what we teach them but also by the way we behave in general. They will learn by the consistency of what we preach and do.
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| ADVICE RATING |
4.88 (Highly recommend) from 58 votes |
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Take kids out of the equation, and it's hilarious!
When it comes to parenting, yes, adult tantrums are not good. It's not good when children have to witness this stuff. However, my warped sense of humour has me ROFLing every time I see one of these going on in the company of adults only...
Not only is there the physical throw something and scream tantrum spoken of in this advice - but there are a few other childish "tantrums" I've seen adults do over the years.
"I'm better than you because..." and you can insert all manner of shallow pathetic things here. Larger house, higher income, better looking partner, higher qualifications, or the best of the lot - "because I know..." and name someone else who is either socially significant or socially feared. I had this conversation with someone about 7 years ago... "Oh, so you're better than me because you know the vice-president of that association? That's really funny, as they don't actually have a vice-president.", "Oh yeah, what would you know!" "Err, dude, I started the association and set up the Board of Directors. That's what I know." Oh boy that blew that guys ego like Krakotoa! It was just beautiful!
Then there is the childish back-stabbing tantrum. "Oh I can prove that he said, that she said, that he did, what she saw, and now he has what I should be entitled to, because they think, that he should not be friends with her, because she likes him, who belongs to this group..." Soapy eat your heart out nonsense!
Then there's the childish argue with a kid problem. For those of you who have seen two 6 year old kids argue - it's irritatingly petty, illogical, and full of really strange and silly threats. Well, I have seen adults get into arguements with 6 year old kids - and argue back in exactly the same way that you would expect of another 6 year old! It's hilarious to watch for a few moments, but it's far from good for example setting. At least in this situation, the kid usually ends up winning - after all they are better at it, they are a kid!
And last on my list is the adult version of "I'm dobbing on you! My Dad is going to beat your Dad up!" Which in the adult world becomes "I'll tell him! My mates are going to pay you a visit when you least expect it!" Okay... now I'll be expecting it 24/7, and hey, save yourself the effort and give me his phone number, I'll call him and tell him myself.
It is a very serious issue when kids are involved - as stated by the advice, how are the kids going to learn to behave? But in the company of adults, gees it can funny to watch.
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ADULT TANTRUM....
Yes it is embrassing when your parents behave in a childish way... My birth mother and i call her that as i have a foster mum... Well my birth mum does not care where she is or who is around, if she got something to say, she will say it..... She is abusive, malisious person, and has no feelings towards others, and its sad, because i wont allow her in my childrens life, as she has no respect for them, and i wont allow that.....I always say to my kids that if u are going to throw a tantrum make it a good one, as i could match it, if i wanted... That usually stops them in their tracks...
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Those poor little girls. I will NEVER excuse myself for when I have been a little grumpy to my boys ( I apologize later and admit I am wrong) but I haven't taken it to a scary level like that!!! Children learn what they live and all they learn from that is how to be impatient and selfish. 
