minti, powered by parents Powered by Parents
First Visit?     Register     Login
 

This site gets better with user participation. Please participate... Some of the main things you can do is rate this advice, add comments to this advice, add links to and from this advice, and/or write your own advice.

  email  print
  report   
Like this topic?
Write Advice
Add to Favorites
Advice that links to this one
ADVICE RATING
 (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) 4.59 (Highly recommend) from 21 votes (1663 Visits)

Raising Responsible Kids - How To Get Your Children To Do Their Chores

JeanTracy by JeanTracy Talking Back(January 2007) (rank 47th)

Are you raising responsible kids?

Do you come home to kids watching TV, playing video games, or chatting on cell phones? Are the morning and afternoon dishes stacked in the sink for you to do? Do you want help with laundry, vacuuming, and fixing dinner? Let's find out

how to raise responsible kids and get the help you need.

To raise responsible kids, be kind and firm:

What you say to your kids and how you say it must reflect your inner conviction that you are the parent. With that inner conviction your words will be more effective. You won't be complaining, yelling, or feeling mean when telling your kids to do their chores. Your kids will sense you are in charge.

3 steps to experiencing your authority as the parent:

  • Ask yourself, "How would I feel inside if I calmly and strongly felt my authority?"
  • Take quiet time to imagine and feel that authority.
  • Practice experiencing that feeling before confronting your kids.

     When it's time to tell your kids to do their chores, take that inner conviction with you. Make sure it's strong, serious, and calm.

    To raise responsible kids, avoid this mistake:

    A young boy named Tom, whose father was a preacher, asked his dad on the way home from church, "Dad, were you telling the truth today or were you just preaching?" (A true story from Kidwarmers)

    When parents lecture, kids don't listen. Preaching wastes your time, alienates your kids, and increases your tone of helplessness. Instead use few words and speak with a firm voice.

    Raise responsible kids with rules and expectations:

    Parents make a big mistake when they fail to draw the line. My friend Roberta, who raised 5 children, talks about eliminating "the control that a child likes to have in raising a parent." When kids leave dirty dishes, keep messy rooms, and play on the computer without helping, they're raising their parents to be their servants. Roberta believes that responsible parents draw the line. That means they follow through with rules and expectations.

    To raise responsible kids, use this formula:

      Develop a calm inner conviction that you have both the authority and the responsibility to be the parent. Avoid lecturing.
    1. Use few words.
    2. Speak with a firm voice.
    3. Follow through with your rules and expectations.

     Practice using the above formula consistently. You'll be teaching your kids to be responsible. You'll be getting the help you need, and you'll be building character too.

  • Treat your children to Jean Tracy's Chore Chart Kit at http://www.KidsDiscuss.com

  • Any contributed content above is the subjective opinion of that member or external author, and not of Minti.com Pty Ltd. If you are searching for health related advice we strongly suggest you seek professional medical support. View our Terms of Service for more details.

    Related Content:

    Bookmarks:

    ADVICE RATING
     (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) (Highly recommend) 4.59 (Highly recommend) from 21 votes
    Report

    Thankyou for your vote (you can change your vote at any time). Please leave some helpful comments about this advice using the box below.

    ExcellentExcellentExcellentExcellentExcellent
    GoodGoodGoodGoodGood
    AverageAverageAverageAverageAverage
    PoorPoorPoorPoorPoor
    Very PoorVery PoorVery PoorVery PoorVery Poor

    Voting help


     
    Add a comment on this article.

     

    AudreyBlissful
    September 6th | AudreyBlissful
    Re: Raising Responsible Kids - How To Get Your Children To Do Their Chores

    i should try this.  we will see how far i get ;)



    Reply Reply Report
          JeanTracy
    September 8th | JeanTracy
    Re: Raising Responsible Kids - How To Get Your Children To Do Their Chores

    Dear Audrey Blissful,

    I love to know how far you do get. Please keep me informed.

    With warm wishes,

    Jean



    Reply Reply Report
    Momof7
    March 2008 | Momof7
    Re: Raising Responsible Kids - How To Get Your Children To Do Their Chores

    Hi, I am really at my wits end.  I have been consistent and tried my hardest to get my daughters to be responsible and help around the house but it always falls on deaf ears.  My fiance has four younger children and I have three daughters.  His 4 are so different than mine.  We are on spring break and I left a note for each of my three daughters (ages 8, 12 & 15) with chores for each.  When I got home from work 8 hours later not one thing had been done.  And this was not the first time I had done this.  I told my oldest that if she followed the chore list then I would sign her up for summer school and she could "catch up" on her grades so she could take a high school intro to criminal justice she had been wanting.... well, that wasn't good enough either.  As it stands she will not be able to have her elective courses because she continues to fail her classes.  It's like I am speaking a foreign language around my house....?????????



    Reply Reply Report
    Aaliyah
    February 2007 | Aaliyah
    Responsible Kids
    This sounds like great advice and I will keep you posted on how it works.  I find so many things out there and it gets overwhelming when you go to find that fix all advice.  I find that bits and pieces work from each thing I read so I hope this will work too.  Thank you.


    Reply Reply Report
    lfung
    February 2007 | lfung
    Great Advice
    Great Advice. Nothing new here, but good summary of reminders and reinforcements of what can be done. Thank you!


    Reply Reply Report
    meggles
    February 2007 | meggles
    good advice
    Yep, like it. We have our ups and downs but I must admit my 6.5 year old makes his own bed, does the dishes without asking, vacum and sweeps occassionally without asking. He loves the fact he is part of a family and is needed and wanted and loved.


    Reply Reply Report
    Norby
    January 2007 | Norby
    chores

    My kids know that if they do not do their chores when I tell them, I pull the plug on the computer.

    With two teenage boys, its a constant struggle to get them to get off their butts and help, but I know I am luckier than most in this regard.  My youngest actually likes to help Mum to a certain extent.  I make sure he gets a lot of praise when he does a chore for me, and he will sometimes do something special (like vacuum the carpet) as a treat for Mum when she gets home from work .

    My eldest, well, he is 16, need I say more.  He has a part time job now - so his chores around the house have been lessened, but I still expect him to do the dishes, keep his room tidy (yeah right), feed the animals and put the groceries away.

    Dont even start me on the difficulties of making teenage boys shower, shave, and clean teeth !!!!!!!!!



    Reply Reply Report
          JeanTracy
    January 2007 | JeanTracy
    chores

    Good for you in "pullling the plug" when your boys don't do their chores. It sounds like you're using the formula "First this, then that.," first do your chores then use the computer.

    I appreciate that getting kids through the teenage years can be a challenge. Keep up the good work.

    Jean



    Reply Reply Report
    blackwidowkate
    5.00 (Excellent) | January 2007 | blackwidowkate
    chores
    Hi
    A correction sorry you have adults.....
    Teenagers are soooo different these days...
    Most have no respect any more for their parents due to what society now teaches them
    The school tells them from a young age that mum and dad cannot smack you or tell you what  to do
    They teach them that they can go into our personal stuff and do what they want....It is so hard raising them these days but we still try to do our best
    They have taken away our basic parental rights.
    At 14 my daughter ran away and when i rang the police they said they would check where she is make sure she is in a safe environment and help her get income support.....I as a mother had no rights at all.....
    And the kids know it. 
    Its a sad world we live in now
    Hope i dont offend you with what i say as i think your article is fantastic...
    Luv Deb


    Reply Reply Report
          JeanTracy
    January 2007 | JeanTracy
    chores

    Dear Deb,

    I'm sorry to say your situation is not unique. Did your daughter finally come back?

    Thanks for sharing, Deb.

    Warmly,

    Jean



    Reply Reply Report
    blackwidowkate
    5.00 (Excellent) | January 2007 | blackwidowkate
    chores
    Hi
    Does standing there with a nice studded belt help?????   Just joking
    You don't have teenagers do you.....They don't lesten at the best of times lol
    Luv Deb


    Reply Reply Report
          JeanTracy
    January 2007 | JeanTracy
    chores

    Dear Deb,

    I raised two teenage boys. Sometimes it was a definite challenge. I also counseled many teenagers in my private practice. Some were so out of control with drugs, alcohol, etc. Some treated their parents with disrespect. Most teens were a joy to help.

    Warmly,

    Jean

     



    Reply Reply Report
    exquisite-flower
    5.00 (Excellent) | January 2007 | exquisite-flower
    Consistency
    Being consistent and keeping to the same rules, and making sure that everyone is aware of the rules and how they work along with the consequences makes life easier for everyone for a start, because everyone is working from the same page of the book, but also when I am consistent with E she behaves better and achieves the expectations that I have of her, both in regard to the rules that we are implementing and in other areas of her life also.  She is just happier all round.
    Thank you Granny Jean. It just takes a little forethought and saves heaps of time and hassle int he long run.
    Peace
    EF.x 


    Reply Reply Report
          JeanTracy
    January 2007 | JeanTracy
    Consistency

    Dear Exquisite Flower,

    I appreciate your supportive comments. I'm glad you're experiencing the value of being consistent. It really is key, isn't it?

    Warmly,

    Jean



    Reply Reply Report

    Know someone who would like this site? Refer a friend