ADVICE RATING |
 4.89 (Highly recommend) from 33 votes (1170 Visits) |
I have a twin sister. Between us, we have 94 years of combined experience.
For those of you who don't want to do the math, that makes us each 47 years old.
My sister, Brenda, and I are fraternal twins. We are so different in looks that we
have a difficult time convincing people we are sisters, much less that we are twins. So, we don't have any cute stories of switching classes or boyfriends. And no, we didn't have a secret childhood language. Our most identical trait? We are both female.
Growing up with a twin sister had its advantages. If I woke up in the middle of the night because I had a bad dream I hid behind my sister in bed. I've thanked Brenda for the many times I disturbed her sleep when we were young kids. We also could always jumpstart a conversation with a new group of friends by announcing, "We're twins!" and then sitting back and listening to everyone say, "You are not! Prove it!"
I always thought it would be fun to have twins when I was a mom. I had some definite ideas about the Do's and Don'ts of raising twins. It didn't happen--four kids, no twins--but I still have one definite idea about raising twins. It boils down to Beth's Twin Tip:
Contrast More Than Compare
Remember writing English papers in high school? Often times you had to compare and contrast something--tell how this book was like that book and how the two books differed from one another. Well, take that principle and apply it to raising twins--only do more contrasting than comparing.
When we were younger, my mom liked to dress my sister Brenda and I alike. We wore identical dresses or tops and shorts. Often times mine was the blue one and Brenda's was the red one. As a matter of fact, I didn't wear a red dress until I was almost 30 years old because that was Brenda's color! Of course, people "ooohed: and "aaahed" over our our dressed-alike cuteness. I'm just thankful my mom didn't insist we dress in matching outfits when we were teenagers!
Unfortunately. a lot of people spent too much time comparing my sister and I--focusing on how we were alike. Throughout school, I heard, "Why can't you be more like Brenda?" My sister heard, "Why can't you be more like Beth?" Reality check: I wasn't Brenda and she wasn't me. Sounds simple, I know---but often times teachers and coaches seemed to forget that.
The result of all this comparison? Brenda and I worked harder and harder to be ourselves--and we drifted farther and farther away from one another. After going to school together for 10 years, I switched high schools--just so I didn't have to be compared to my sister. (Well, that wasn't the only reason, but it was a major reason why I switched schools.) Brenda and I worked so hard to be our-very-different-selves that we had nothing in common. It was years before we developed a comfortable friendship with one another.
So what's my point?
If you're parenting twins, go ahead and have some fun with dressing them alike. But don't let that be what it's all about--what they are all about. Yes, you have twins. But twins are two individual children. Look for and nurture the differences in your children too. If one likes to play the flute and one likes to throw a football, then put your money down on both flute lessons and football camp. Let both of them wear red if they want to. Don't compare them so much that they push away from each other just to get a little breathing space from one another.
It's just a thought.
(January 2007) (
