Teens and rape.....

It has concernd me recently of the raise in Rapes in the area we live in......Most of the victims of this are teenage girls......When they talk about it and you hear the story of what was behind it and the leading up to it......I really feel for them.....I was a teenager in the 80's...I used to go out at night to the movies and the party and hook up with guys.....didn't we all as teenagers?? It was nothing for a couple of people to be caught having a good old kiss and hug in the dark at a party.....It never got too out of hand that I recall......I remember once in 1988 I was 15 and I met this boy at the Expo.....We started talking and got along well and he kissed me and we practically kissed all night.....a couple of time during this kissing session he moved his hands down towards my lower part of my body to which I promptly told him NO......Guess what he listened....

I will tell you a bit of one of the girls stories from here as she has told me....She is 16 and has a few drinks when she goes to a party......This party she went to she met this cute guy and started flirting with him and kissing him and cuddling etc......Things got a little out of hand and the kissing turned into a heavy petting session.......He then tried to push her down and get on top of her.....she kept saying no in a not forceful way but still a no .......this boy did not hear this or chose to not hear this.......He continued......She again told him no this time a little more forceful he then got on top of her and she was too scared to make a scene......so even though she said No that night in the backyard behind a shed she still lost her virginity...... When he had finished he got up left her there and walked away.........When she talked to me about how she felt about it the thing she said to me worried me alot.....I said if you say No he needs to know you meant no she said Oh but I kind of led him on....... NO MATTER WHAT THIS IS NOT RIGHT i have said it before and will say it again NO MEANS NO........

That to me is rape......She said NO and he took it any way....She is too embarrased to tell any one that she was raped....This is happening in our town on a regular basis to teen girls as it did when I was younger.......Even though it was not physically violent it was still rape.......Rape is Rape even if you are dating a guy or married to him or just hooking up at a party if you say No and he takes it anyway it is rape and the law sees it that way too..........

I have done a few things to try to help my Kids cope with a situation like this.....My girls and my boys........

I have told my eldest as he is sexually active.....I do not care if you are half way through the deed.....She says NO it means NO even if it doesn't sound like she is definate.....No means No stop get off and leave it there.......Do not try to talk her into it just say Okay and leave it.......Even if you have had sex with her before even if she is your girlfriend No means No (Even better don't get in the situation a girl has to tell you no hehehe don't be doing anything sexual and it will be right) No use hoping for that but because even if we do not like the idea our kids will have sex........ For my girls I have taught them,  for when I let them go to parties that if a boy gets too friendly for them  say No at a normal level but firm tone and try to move away.....If he persists make a scene.....I don't care how angry or embaressing it is do it......No means No and that boy needs to know that.....Never get in a situation when you are on your own with a boy in the dark stay with friends and in the light around people....

I hope with what I have taught them that they will understand and try to keep themselves safe in this situation if they ever find themselves there.....And god forbid if something happens to the girls they feel comfortable enough to talk to me about it instead of feeling it was kind of okay because they led him on.......There is no guarantee that if we teach our kids this way that it will prevent it but we are just trying to help them to avoid it as best we can.........

I do not want my girls to live thinking the way the 16 year old we know.......I have tried to get her to talk to someone but she won't she believes in her head it was okay because she led him on that she kind of deserved it......Nobody deserves that.....

Have a great day
Cheers
Angie