I received a minti mail from someone tonight who was devastated at becoming that frustrated at their child that a comment was made that should have been - It was made out of pure frustration… Now if I was to be 100% honest, if we all were – we could

Anyone who is a parent has one goal in common…being a good one – a great one. We strive to give all that is good to our children; emotionally and physically. We aim to be role models and teach by example. We forgive when no one else will, we love like no one else can and we celebrate even the most smallest of achievements.

Raising children is the most difficult job that anyone can sustain. Think about it, we are responsible for a life and one that begins in this world, for the want of a better analogy, as a stranger to us…we don’t know if this person will be male or female, naughty or nice or big or small. We just know that this life will be as precious as they come. One which we aim to love, protect, teach and guide.

We begin this new relationship with doubts of our own capabilities. We fear making mistakes and are unforgiving when we do. When our children grow up and make their own mistakes, we blame ourselves -  our parenting and wonder what on earth we missed in the early days. We become frustrated, nag and complain about the mess children leave behind them. For the most part we whinge about washing, ironing and cleaning the fingerprints off the fridge. Domestic bliss soon disappears as the work load increases and the thanks decreases….and at that very moment we sit and question ‘why am I doing this?’ – the answer comes running past with the words – ‘I love you Mum’ – trailing behind them…We are parents…

I read all the advice placed on minti and see the words of such loving and caring people, parents. I then read some of the blogs, the Q&A and the private emails and the words of doubt and self-frustration – questions such as ‘Am I doing something wrong?’ or ‘Am I right to feel this way?’ and I ask quietly….do you really know what makes a good parent? Because if you did, you would not need to ask – all you would need to do is look in a mirror and you’ll have your answer….its YOU.

Parents make mistakes and even the most dedicated, loving parents around may do things that are contrary from who they are. Things like yelling at their child, talking to them mean instead of strict and even some times a name may come out from pure frustration….and you want to know something, this does not make you a bad parent - it makes you human. There is a difference from blatantly doing it all the time compared to a slip of the tongue and although name calling is not appropriate or acceptable, it can happen. Its how you deal with it after that will count.

Every parent will become frustrated at one point in their life and there are going to be times when this frustration will stem from your child. We may be parents, but we are human. Children take a great deal of energy from us and when we have our own personal worries and fears to deal with, along with a child demanding your attention, it can all get a little too much to deal with. Knowing how to channel that frustration, how to deal with it and how to cope better when you are feeling this way is important, but its not always easy to find that inner peace…

Here are a few things I try to do when I get frustrated towards my children or anyone for that matter…and don’t get me wrong, they don’t always work…but its better to try and find a way that works for you than beating yourself up for feeling this way and not doing anything about it….and if anyone has something that they can add, something that works for them…please add to the list.

Frustrated? What you can do….

• Take 10 minutes for yourself. Leave what ever you are doing, it can wait…
• We all need a break away from being a mum, a dad a carer…a wife or husband even. Give yourself something each week that is just for you. Something that only you do and do by yourself or with someone other than those you live with….be YOU for a little while each week.
• Go for a walk if you can, even if it is just around the block.
• Take a bubble bath once you have put the children to be. Light the bathroom up with candles and scents. Make a pillow for the bath to rest your head on. I simply roll a towel up and don’t care if it gets wet…
• Sit out the back with candles lit around you– lay a towel on the grass, lay on your deck chair…what ever…it’s the atmosphere you are trying to create.

Taking a few minutes for yourself a day can do the world of good, taking a few moments a week will do you even better. We may be parents but, and I can’t stress this enough, we are human too.

Parents give up so much during their child’s life – it’s a part of the cycle – but this does not mean that we give up everything….there are some things which should not be given up, put aside and forgotten about. If you give up all your personal time - your ‘me’ time - you will end up burning out and then end up trying to find more time to make up for what happens when you do. Avoid this from happening and teach your children that personal time and space is important and that we all deserve it. Teach them that it is ok to do and teach them how to do it themselves.

They may just need the same thing….