Being in the middle of a broken marriage is not a nice place to be
And thats just for me
what about my children?

Its quite sad to think that my children are going to think that the normal adult relationship is going to consist of arguments,

conflict, battles, tears and pain.

I do not want that for my children

My parents on the other hand have been happily married for 45 years and it is still not uncommon for my Mum to be caught sitting on my Dads lap in front of the TV. That is the image I would have loved for my children.

My Grandad was very old fashioned and strict. He was head of a family which currently consists of 9 children (although one of those died at a young age) 22 grand children and 24 great grandchildren. I could bore you with loads of family stories but I won't, I just want to set the scene for the privilege I experienced of being part of such a wonderful settled family. My Grandad was the most loving and generous man ever, yet he was also the scariest, he was incredibly strict. it has been known that a family member who had been rude or naughty would burst into tears with the words "Grandad looked at me" He never raised a hand though, we just had enormous respect for him and never wanted to feel his disappointment. My Grandad was the KING of his family and he had the one essential ingredient for every good King. A QUEEN. My Nan! My Grandad died in his 80's but even up to the last he would be full of love and pride for my Nan. He would tell anyone who would listen how beautiful and lovely she was and he always had a definite twinkle in his eye when he talked to her or about her.

My family home had a KING but I was never the QUEEN.

Those of us who don't have the traditional family set up to bring up our children, can still educate our children to understand what real love is all about, we can teach them about other family members respecting each other, to look after each other when anyone is ill, to help each other solve problems, to stand and be counted alongside them if they need it, or quietly wait in the background ready to support them. We can teach them to value others feelings and teach them that love is all about kindness, kind words, support, respect, sharing, caring, trust, faith, hope for the future, encouraging, enjoying the company of, serving, laughing, crying and any other qualities you can think of.

If you are fortunate enough to be in a REAL loving relationship.

Let your children be a witness to that love, a innocent kiss or cuddle in front of the children, (as long as you don't embarrass them !!!) is lovely for a child to witness, not putting each other down, supporting each other in decision making, a loving touch, a helpful hand, a kind word, serving each other if one of you is not well or had a bad day. Children need to be a part of this. When you argue don't do it in a way that will alarm your children, reassure them that adults do fall out, it doesn't mean they dont love each other they are just voicing their differing opinions and make sure your children see that you have made up again and you are both fine.

So do children with single parents miss out ?

Being a single parent myself now, then I would say NO. i don't feel my children miss out at all, I am there for them 100%  I love them 100% I support them 100%
They know how important they are to me and where they fit into the family. They are secure. There are enough male role models  in my family that they could go to if they wanted and they see the interaction of other families. They are also 100% happier now than I was married to their dad. They do not have to be worried about arguments or upsets or have to witness any horrible events.

So in conclusion a family can consist of a King on his own, a Queen on her own or a King and Queen ruling happily alongside each other as long as the children are brought up with love. What children should not be brought up with is a Dictatorship that rules by promoting Fear.

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