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ADVICE RATING

4.93 (Highly recommend) from 64 votes (2800 Visits)

My True Life Story ( How I Broke The Cycle Of Abuse As A Child, A Wife And As A mother )

by janicepovey

(February 2007) (rank 29th)

Firstly i would like to thank Minti for coming into my life, it is for this site and the feeling of FRIENDSHIP & TRUST that i've finally felt comfortable to bare my soul and tell my story.

Abuse,mental or physical or in any shape or form is demoralizing,

destroying and terrifying, my abuse lasted till i was 33 years old i am now 54 years old so it has taken me 21 years to put words to print and feel comfortable in doing so .

My first memory of abuse was at a very early age, with my father abusing my mum or should i say bashing with closed fists, it seem to be a regular event in my life. My father was a hard worker and a big solid man and demanded and expected everything to be done his way and if wasn't there was hell to pay. My poor mum's life consisted of being a housekeeper and wife nothing more, she was not allowed friends except for one, not allowed to work or even have a drivers license because that would mean she might have a life outside of the house. Meals had to be at a certain time and that included a hot meal at 12pm as dad would come home for lunch and dinner at 6pm on the dot.

My worst memory of mums abuse was one night my dad went right off and the memory of what saw in the morning when i went into see how my mum was is still with me today, my mums face was black and blue swollen beyond belief and dried blood not only on her face but up the bedroom walls. Even as a young child i tried to defend my mum only to recieve a smack across my head.

My mums world was our world too, my brother and i knew no different and even though my mum endured all this she still idolised my dad, how, i can say to myself now but not then.

When i reached my teens i wanted to do what other teenagers do like go out but the only thing i was allowed to do was to go roller skating as it was only a block away from where we lived and i had to be home by a certain time if i wasn't the abuse started on me and with my mum trying with all her might to defend me she would also recieve abuse. Well i loved skating and became very good at it, where i was offered to represent Tamworth in the dance finals in Sydney, so excited i went home and asked if i could go only to be knocked down in more ways than one. That night i decided that i'd do anything to get out of this nightmare. I went and saw the police and their advice was our hands are tied unless your off the property then put in a complaint, how times have changed.

The worst abuse i recieved from my father was one night he was hitting me when he said this is useless and he went and got a chain off his plumbers truck, that night he ripped flesh off my body which i have a scarred body today.

I started staying out late even though i suffered when i got home, I know now i was looking for affection and love from a male figure, so the first male that showed me some attention and wanted to leave Tamworth for Sydney was my ticket out, my only regret was leaving my mum but she suffered more with me living at home. I was only 16, fell pregnant straight away not knowing about prevention back then also not knowing much about being pregnant either.

No surprise i had got involved with a man identical to my father the abuse did not take long to start happening if tea was not on the table at exactly 6pm i was in for it or just when he wanted to use me as a punching bag. The last straw for me was when i recieved a bashing in the bathroom and on falling over the edge of the bath i went into labour 2 months early, i was then dropped off at the hospital alone and did not have anyone around me for 10 whole days when he turned up to take me home. I've never felt so alone as i did in those 10 ten days.

I swallowed my pride and begged my father to take me back home with his grandchild, i think the grandchild did the trick. I realised i had to find a job so i could support my baby, thats when i joined the nursing professsion.

I eventually met a man who seemed kind and gentle we lived together for a while and life was good, we married and as soon as that ring was on my finger i was a possession not a wife, my second child came along and my only thought was i had to make this worked for their sake, to have a roof over their head and food on the table seemed the most important thing to me then my own welfare. So for 16 years i put up with the degrading especially in front of friends, told everyday that i was useless and no-one would ever want me, the black eyes, the cheating with other women then coming home and taking what he wanted from me, when i was saying NO. I lasted till my children had made it through high school and had a job. I had reached the bottom of the barrel, when your told your useless often enough you start to believe it, mental abuse can do more harm than physical ( please never tell your child they are useless, it sounds innocent but it's not) I woke one morning and said to myself NO MORE, no one is very going to lay a hand on me again, i was at rock bottom and the only way was up. I ended the marriage which was bitter but with help of a lawyer i stayed in our home he left. My children got jobs and left home and i was on my own for quite awhile which was a good thing it gave time to heal.

I found a job selling jewellery by party plan, i was meeting people, making friends for the first time and i started to feel good about myself, life had turned a corner for me. I eventually meet this man called Steve who opened the car door for me on our first date which impressed me. I told him up front that i didn't trust males and i'm not looking for a long term relationship. Well for the first time in my life someone was treating me like lady, taking me to places i'd never been eg. live shows, romantic dinners, the opera house, holidays away to romantic places, all the while i'm waiting for the balloon to burst and reality to begin, but it never did burst. It took me 4 years to begin to trust Steve he was very patient always showing me affection and always letting me know how much he loved me and he always treated like a lady. It took me 10 years to say yes to marriage again and i have to say i have never looked back, it took me 33 years to find my soul mate, my friend and most of all someone who loves me for myself.

Steve and i moved away from Sydney to where we live today and strange as it may seem my dad lived only 27ks from us, he and i became close and i nursed him at our home for the last 2 years of his life which was 24/7. But i must say i will never forgive him for what he did to my mum and me.

If there is anyone out there being abused please don't think your alone or your useless, i know it seems impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel when your being abused and you say to yourself there is no way out and i have to stay for these reasons what ever they be.Well you dont have to put up with abuse on any scale, look deep within yourself, find your inner self say to yourself i am worth life and i'm not going to put up with this any longer. Not like my days there are now many organisations out there that are more than willing to help you, the police are now on the side of the victim and can help.

I believe every human being deserves the right to happiness, safety and to be loved for the person they. no one has the right to invade your inner self and most of all no one deserves to be abused.

And if i can break the cycle of abuse after 33years anyone can, hers to the power of the mind and spirt of the soul in everyone.

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ADVICE RATING

4.93 (Highly recommend) from 64 votes

My True Life Story ( How I Broke The Cycle Of Abuse As A Child, A Wife And As A mother )

Related keywords: abuse, abuser, bashing, broke, child, cycle, degrading, demoralizing, idolised, minti, scarred, smack, tamworth, terrifying, true, useless, wife

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