Boys and Potty Mouth...Save Your Breath...Here's My Solution

"Get your poop breath face away from me."

"OK toilet head, I warned you."

"What are you looking at you fart brain?"

"Your face looks like a booger."

"You are the biggest stink butt in the world."

And the bathroom

and body by-product talk goes on...it just does with boys.  Who am I kidding, it goes on with grown men.  Not much can be done to nip this problem.  It obviously comes with the male gene pool just  like the refusal to stop and ask for directions before you are on the most God forsaken path which is not leading to your destination; or the refusal to simply read the directions when he is into the eleventh hour of a model train assembly project and the train will only run backwards on the track and "No, I do not need the directions. I can fix this".  But this woman tries to change destiny...to redirect the course of a boy's misguided drive to manhood.

There are days the name calling and toilet mouth junk will just not stop flowing.  Those days once found me spitting out almost continuous ineffective babble in a fruitless attempt to stop it.  Mom got smart.  Well, mom came up with an idea that at least gives the vocal cords a brief reprieve. 

Solution:  On such these days do not waste your breath.  Keep a pad of paper and pen handy and each time you hear the words, the phrases, write them down.  Then in the afternoon when the boys are secure in the "gee we got away with trashy mouth murder today" mindset you give it to them.  "Oh boys" you smugly call.  When the dirty mouth little beings of the day appear before you point them to the kitchen table where neatly stacked paper and freshly sharpened pencils await them.  Provide them with a neatly typed list of the phrases they spewed throughout the day and instruct that they are to write each phrase "x number of times"  preceded by the words "I will not say...".  Boys hate holding pencils.  They do not normally enjoy writing. 

Your child cannot yet write?  No problem.  My youngest who lives with cerebral palsy would be seventy-five years of age by the time he completed the task.  Solution:  Give him a tape recorder or voice recorder of some type and have him sit and say "I will not say..." an assigned number of times.  Make sure he understands to speak slowly and clearly.  Hint, put this child in a completely separate room from any writing siblings or I will have to help you solve a whole new problem.

Now as already made clear this is not going to actually prevent the problem from recurring.  But normally it is a few days before the toilet talk reverts to a heightened state.  At the very least you have once again bought yourself some moments of "me time" while they complete the task.

Do you have any ideas to share in dealing with this issue?  I am always up for a new method.