Facing the Terrible Two's

Now, I'm a bit of a control freak........ I think.....................

I know I'm not as bad as some but when I feel I'm not in control of a situation I feel extremely anxious. Must say I'm not an overly organised person so I don't necessarily want to control things (I'd like to be tidier. Although I can't always keep things as neat and tidy as I like so I do feel a bit anxious about that). I think my need for control is really to do with people, namely myself and those I hold near and dear. Last night I realised something that's going to make me pretty anxious in the future............ the loss of control of my little 1YO boy. I know that when he reaches 2 years of age (or for him perhaps a little earlier) he's going to start the 'Terrible 2's' where he starts fighting for his own autonomy, control and power. I started considering this whilst watching Nick on the kitchen floor, on his belly with arms and legs everywhere smearing water from his sippy cup all over the floor.

I wasn't particularly frustrated but I got concerned about this loss of power over him - here's my little boy having fun and who am I to tell him "That's naughty"?. Well it's not really naughty. He's just a baby. If he were a bit older I'm sure I would be able to explain not to make a mess and why etc. But I also have to allow him to have fun and not control him (too much). I know I'm going to find it really frustrating when he starts challenging me. I don't want to be a dictator and say thou shalt do this and not do that. I'd like to be able to teach him why he should or shouldn't behave in such a way and therefore teach him self-discipline. I know that this won't work until he's a bit older but "how do you reason with a two-year-old?". I think in that case distraction might be in order along with
modeling the desired behaviour.

I'm feeling a little better about this but I know I'll just have to cross this bridge when we come to it. I've laid some foundations to make it a little easier though. I have already been ensuring that he knows the meaning of "no". I'm teaching him the difference between good and bad attention, offering him lots of praise and attention when he's playing with his toys, walking, putting shapes in his shape sorter, sharing, playing gently with other children and animals etc, etc. I ensure that I say no in a firm 'no means no' voice and display the action that I want him to do - e.g. going near the power point or generally doing something that he may hurt himself doing, I'll steer him in the opposite direction.

Hopefully, when the time comes I'll be prepared for this challenge. Rather than getting frustrated I'd like to be able to embrace it as a sign of him expressing his individuality and becoming an autonomous little person in his own right, having a degree of power and assertion. What my challenge should be is 'how to teach him self control' and self discipline. A challenge which I believe is going to take many, many years. Knowing this I think I'm up for it !!

's Hayley xxx

PS I put this in my blog too and just thought it might help others alleviate anxiety and frustration with facing this challenging time - the Terrible 2's, maybe as they say "a rose called by any other name would it smell as sweet?" In this case, if this stage were called something more positive, would our attitude toward it also be more positive? Think about how good it is that children at this age are developing their identity and this means asserting their power and control. But it's not necessarily a bad thing if we can shape it so they have power and control over the right things and most importantly self-discipline. Something to work on throughout their childhood.