Perfectionism in children

hey great advice!! thanks for sharing this!

naomi xx

This can be a tough problem, and as others have said, even more frustrating because people who don't have a perfectionist can think it's a great thing. "They want so badly to do it right! Isn't that wonderful?!" Not always!!

Great advice. Thanx for sharing.

this is great advice yet again from u lexi cheers

is a perfectionist too at the age of only 6 i think.... and if he doesn't get it right he gets really hard on himself and does it until he gets it right....the way he wants it done!
I think its sad to see kids go through the stress of this! but at the same time i think its great that the kids want to put in an effort....just not the strenuous amount!
Great piece lexi!

my son is 4 and he's exactly the same if he can't do it first time round especially with maths (cause i think he thinks he should know it already) he gets angry with himself and slams his fist on his desk. it alwase makes me jump. i've found that the praise for being able to make a mistake is helpful but it also helps not to bring too much attention to it... if my son makes a mistake i often just give him a brief as posible explaniation why and move on fast cause if we linger he starts to get anoyed at me (as if i'm not teaching him right lol) . then we just do review later to see if he can get it right the second time round... we call them second chance tests and it works quite well... he gets a chance to redeem himself hehehe he's so caught up in his own honer funny lil guy

That's a description that was given about my boy, and it's true.

People have no idea how debilitating it can be to a child's learning, not to mention how frustrating for their teachers and parents, and their friends, class mates, and anyone else they have to interact with, when a child is like this.  It's especially bad as not only does the child feel they have to do everything perfectly, but according to them, everyone else has to as well!

When my son is 'havin a hissy fit' at school because he didn't get 100% in a maths test, he only got 99%!, but the rest of the class averaged 75% so imagine how that makes the other children feel having to see that.  Imagine how his teacher feels when my son is terribly upset at the end of the day because he can't get any work finished in class, all because he has to do it so perfectly that he takes 10 times longer to get it all done, checking and double checking every little thing.

I've spent the better part of 7 years trying to combat this behaviour. My latest challenge is trying to teach him the difference between a lie/deliberate action and a mistake/accident, and that one is okay but the other isn't... and we are struggling every step of the way.

And then there is how the parent feels: especially when someone - who has no idea how frustrating and detrimental this perfectionistic manner is to the child, let alone the other people around them - tries telling me to embrace it, it makes me want to do things that are unsuitable to post on Minti.

great stuff

Wonderful Article Lexi....

Cheers

OB

The earlier the better I say well done...
Mwah
Angie

My youngest is like this
I have seen him throw things across the room as he wasn't happy with it
He has headbutted the wall when he spells words slightly wrong (Because of dyslexic tendencies)
He has punched his heart (Or at least he says that is what he is punching) when he has written a long poem but his writing on the last line looks stupid!!!
xxx

Lexi,I think it is very important to work on this as early as possible.Good on all of you

I remember going to my sons open day at school one year as parents had been invited to 'sit in & observe' all the days lessons. For science they had about 6 different projects set out around the room which each child was to complete then move on to the next project. Well my son got stuck on the first project... before it even commenced. There were several microscopes at the table which the kids needed to look through. There was ONE TINY LITTLE Speck of dirt on the lens of the microscope he selected & he just wouldn't move on till he got it off. Everyone else completed all the projects, my son didn't even begin 1! Most kids I'm sure would have done the best they could & moved on, completing their tasks as quickly as they could... Not him. He has never outgrown his need to have everything PERFECT before he will commence a new project. It is really frustrating & I honestly don't know how they handle him at work. I guess his job is one where precise attention to detail is essential. Interestingly enough his room is always a mess!

Very stressful for the child to deal with this issue, and a difficult trait to alter.

I have the same case...it's my son that I thought is perfectionist. But then again I found me on him (for being perfectionist). So, I told him to take easy on himself. It's alright to make mistake cause mistake is part of learning and making things better. Like you, I would made him calm down when he got frustrated before he moved to the next step. Praising for the efforts he has made is always good to give him more confidences of himself.